Sunday, February 10, 2008

A hostage situation?

Ok, we're back to people and their opinions again:

While at my ACIM/Course study group this afternoon, the topic of my soldier and I came up again. Now, let me just say, I adore these people in my study group. We all support each other in trying to see situations differently and finding inner peace.

I was saying how my soldier and I seem to have little misunderstandings sometimes. We've both come from relationships where we were hurt (like everyone else) and due to our pasts, we sometimes misconstrue things. It is perfectly normal. I imagine every new relationship goes through this - getting to know each other and all - with the added stress of doing this with 6000 miles between us. Neither of us means any hurt and thus far, we're able to speak up and ask questions to clarify if something was done on purpose or if we're just perceiving it wrong. (which is pretty darn healthy, if you ask me!)

One of my fellow Course students looked at me perplexed after this discussion and said, "There are so many things I could say... from a Course in Miracles perspective as well as so many other perspectives. Aren't you and your soldier holding each other in a hostage situation?"


She continued to explain:

"He has already said that he wants to be with you and you said you want to be with him. What happens if you meet someone else who lives here and that you like better? Won't you feel so guilty for hurting him? Don't you feel like you are being held hostage to his feelings since he's at war?"

I had to ponder this. When my soldier was down to his last few weeks before deployment, he had mentioned this to me. Surely I would meet someone else in the 16 months he would be gone. It has happened in every other relationship he's had. He said he would never ask me to wait for him. I never promised him I would. I told him that I had no idea what would happen in that amount of time. I wasn't expecting him in my life when he reappeared. How could I tell him what would happen in 16 months? All I knew was how I felt at that moment in time and at that moment, I cared for him very much.

So, I tried it. I didn't limit myself. I went out. I had fun. But it just didn't feel right. It wasn't me. I only wanted to be here for my soldier.

I found that we both started getting comfortable with the idea and trusting it more. We both started using phrases like "when you/I get back..." Now, yes I feel that I am really in this for the long haul. But do I feel like a hostage?

It occured to me later this evening that no, I am not a hostage. This is the same choice that wives and husbands make every day. So what if my soldier is gone for 16 months? His physical form is not here but I feel his love through emails and phone calls. Couldn't the same be said for a marriage where the husband or wife is "unavailable" in some way? Emotionally or physically? Don't you still have to make a decision every day to stay with that person not because you have to but because you want to? Couldn't you also be in a position to "find someone you like better"? Couldn't that happen to anyone at anytime?

No, this is a choice that I've made. I still don't have a clue what the next year or even beyond that will hold for us but I do know that I love him very much. And he loves me too. The rest... we have to leave to faith, don't we?

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful. What amazing dedication.

    i am with you all the way.

    Jesus reminds us in A Course in Miracles: "you have one relationship and it's with God" Everything else is a direct effect of that One relationship. You're right - your soldier is with you now and always. Distance cannot separate what is One. The entire practice of ACIM is to get comfortable dealing in the invisible realm where all miracles occur. Bodies are meaningless. Love is forever.




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