Monday, February 4, 2008

Relationships

During my time as a Course in Miracles student, I have learned that as humans, we feel separate from God and spend an inordinate amount of time looking outside of us to somehow heal that separateness. In truth, we are all the same and we are not, nor could we ever be, separate from God.

In relationships, this is what we are looking for: that "perfect love" that will complete us and make us whole. This expectation puts an awful lot of pressure on the other party, doesn't it? This expectation is always going to lead to disappointment.

I am not saying that you can't expect a wonderful, happy relationship to last for the rest of your life. I'm simply saying that unless you realize that the love and acceptance that you expect from your mate must also come from you, there will be disappointment, frustration and pain. We cannot expect something outside of us to complete us, we have to realize the "perfect love" is in us. It is, always has been and always will be.

I've been reminded of this recently as, with any new relationship, I find myself relying more on my soldier to sustain my happiness than I do myself. Whew! I learned that lesson last week, didn't I? Yes, communication from him does affect my moods but I should work harder on being ok anyway. I need to continue to remember my words. I also need to remember that the only thing real that exists is love. All of the drama in my life is my own illusion, my lack of faith and my own perception gone wrong. We all do it and I'm sure to do it again.

I've seen more articles about suicides among soldiers lately. Not the most inspiring of messages for me to see. Then I saw this:

"The real central issue is relationships. Relationships, relationships, relationships," said U.S. Army Chaplain Lt. Col. Ran Dolinger. "People look at PTSD, they look at length of deployments ... but it's that broken relationship that really makes the difference."

When I talk to my soldier, he sounds smiling and happy on the phone. He doesn't talk about the atrocities that I know he faces everyday. He really doesn't say much about the past or the future. I think he knows that he has a job to do and enjoys a little light in the midst of the "hell" he has to face.

I am very proud of him for being such a positive influence to his soldiers. And the fact that he can smile when he's talking to me, says that he's still the same lovable guy he always was. Maybe he knows that he can survive this because he feels love through it. My love, his love, God's love? I don't know. God only knows where a soldier gets their strength.

I've always believed that love changes everything. If its a relationship that will help a soldier to be strong, stay positive, do his job with sincerity and care, then maybe I am doing my part. Maybe I am "Army strong" after all.

3 comments:

  1. What a wonderful way to describe my look at perfect love.....at perfect life and as I modestly say.....at my perfect love.....thanks T.

    ~ASW

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  2. As the wife of a 24 year career Air Force guy I can tell you that you are absolutely correct...it IS relationship that makes our guys (and gals) strong, stay posititve and be able to do their job. You are doing your part! *S* You have discovered the secret to a lasting military relationship.

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  3. Great one! Paul and I have read Getting the Love you Want together and, ultimately, no matter how many books I read or how many days I've lived - the answer to love, happiness, wealth, dreams, and contentment is within me. :) You are Army strong. :)

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