Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Why should I lean on you?

You've felt it
Pain & judgment
And so you must dole it out
Under the guise of loving me

I've felt it
Pain & judgment
And though I know I still do it
I try to block it from being doled out as well

I'm so aware of my mistaken perception
That I am the hardest on myself
I do my best to forgive it
And in doing so, forgive yours

But this is heaviness
Too much to bear
Not at all fair
And it is ME making it this way

I can't lean on you
Not when your words are based
Purely on your own filters
of pain & judgment

The only place of truth
is inside me anyway
Though I'm known for leaning
Why should I lean on you?

As I've done in the past
I must "fake it til I make it"
So you'll stop asking
Stop trying to make it better

Take me for granted
Think that I'm strong
Consider me amazing
Wonder at my confidence

All while I crumble
Exhausted and alone
Crying myself to sleep
Wishing I could lean on you.

The only one that knows
is me, deep...in...ME
So your words, while being protective
aren't that helpful

You aren't protecting me
You are protecting you
Because if I hurt, then
You'll feel helpless
And you'll hate me for making you feel that way

Why should I lean on you?
When only I can choose how I view this experience
And your words, internalized
Only skew my perception more

True Perception sees through
Beyond the veil of pain & judgment
To the truth in all of us

I will try to see you with True Perception
Love you anyway
Love him anyway
Love her anyway
Love them anyway
Love me anyway

And though I should feel lighter
It feels like I am carrying the weight of
the pain & judgment of the world
I am fallen

Face to the earth
Begging for help
Craving something sturdy
Dying for something strong

I must close my eyes
Through my tears
Reach out my hands
And in faith, lean.

1 comment:

  1. Hi T,

    That's some beautiful wording!
    I am also impressed by your level
    of faith and maturity in sitting down with your ex to discuss finances. For your children to inherit this faith and attitude along with their health would be all you can ask.

    Anyway, I also have a single parent blog called www.singleparentromance.com
    Its dedicated to single parents looking to re-enter the dating world and reclaim some romance in their lives. I've exchanged links with singlemomseeking, mssinglemama, parenthood, amongst many others. I would love to be able to exchange links with your blog as well. Please shoot me an email to singleparent.george@gmail.com

    Many Thanks!!!



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