Whoa! I received this in my inbox this morning.
Today's Daily Om:
March 20, 2008
A Life-Altering Decision
Divorce With Grace
Like the act of marriage that binds two people together, divorce is the result of a life-altering decision. It is the dissolving of a relationship that we believed would last our whole lives. We may not even be able to articulate how we got to this place, yet we may also feel we have no choice but to sever this tie. Whatever we feel, we need the support of the friends and family who will stand by us no matter what we decide. At some point, we may need to be challenged to look deeper inside ourselves as we make this very important decision, but what we need most of all is unconditional love and loyalty.
Divorce is a process that, once in motion, becomes difficult to stop, and this can be painful if we find ourselves having second thoughts. We may feel that we should do more to save the marriage, or we may wonder if there is something about ourselves that we could fix or change instead of going through with this painful separation. On the other hand, we may be seeing in hindsight that our marriage was truly only meant to last for a short time so that we could learn something we needed to know. Whatever the case, we need friends who will allow us to linger in confusion when we don’t have the answers and who will support us whether we find ways to reconcile and stay married or whether we walk away.
Of course, the most essential ally we have lives inside our hearts and speaks to us from within. We can trust this inner guide to help us choose people who will support us in kind and loving ways as we navigate the rough terrain of confusion and loss. Sometimes all we can do is look to the horizon, remembering that we will get through this time, and no matter what happens we will once again feel whole.
(Very strange as I'm finding I'm ready to move forward but I still feel such a sense of rejection and failure. I guess these are normal feelings when ending a marriage. And of course, I do realize that these feelings are impermanent... this too shall pass.)
Your feelings are completely normal. And, yes, this too shall pass... although, while I think it is good to forgive -- yourself, him, each other-- I think it is important NOT to forget. That is, don't forget the good times you shared because bitterness will only drag you down; how strong you've become because of the experience; your beautiful daughters; what you have learned from your marriage and divorce, including what you truly want in a loving relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt will have been 5 years next week that my divorce was final. It's really hard to believe - almost like a different lifetime.