Thursday, May 22, 2008

Force vs. Surrender

The theme for the yoga class I took yesterday was, of all things, force vs. surrender. We talked about different asanas (poses) and the choice of how to feel in them. Does it feel forced? Is your body tense? Or have you found ease in the pose? Can your body surrender to the pose?

This was the very same mentality that I used to make it up the steep hills of my long bike ride. Stay calm. Don't force. Use effort but find ease.

I sure would like to find this balance in my life!!!

Before my soldier called yesterday, my heart was beating out of my chest and I was nauseous with anxiety. I can't remember ever feeling so nervous about talking to him! I was trying to find ease so that our conversation would flow effortlessly.

When I heard his voice, I tried to calm down. The beginning of the conversation did seem forced. As I surrendered to this feeling, I realized he was in a very silly mood. We were laughing quite a bit. He really wanted to talk and seemed very upbeat. We actually had the longest phone conversation we've ever had since he's been deployed - nearly 2 hours!!

He did have a few irritations to complain about and then he apologized for complaining.

"I realize that I don't have it as bad as some. And other soldiers in other wars have had to endure much worse than I have."

Aw! I told him that it is all relative and of course I would expect that he would have something to be upset about, given the situation. But I also told him that I am very proud of how he's handling the situation and I reminded him that it is up to him how he views it. He agreed and we continued to have the sweetest, sexiest and most fun conversation we've had in some time.

We can choose how to feel in every situation we're in. Are we feeling tense or forced or have we surrendered to it? It is in the surrender that peace happens. I know this physically from yoga and cycling. I have seen it happen in life situations. I guess I just forget. Old habits die hard, you know?

Thank God for what I've learned in yoga.

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