My soldier called yesterday and was so tired. I haven't talked to him via phone in over 2 weeks! He said they have been very busy. He thinks of calling but then the time passes and another day goes by... He always says that not many people can comprehend what its like to be an officer in the Army because its 24 hours a day and you can't say, "I'm off the clock" or "Its my time." It just doesn't work that way.
He said, "I think the only thing you can compare it to is something that you've said to me recently. Its like parenthood. And I have a lot of children to take care of."
He was asking quite a bit about my bike training. He's a strict coach. But oh yeah, I am an athlete so I should fly right, shouldn't I?
I get the feeling that he's afraid I'm going to 'burn out' before he returns home. He seems to get pretty uncomfortable when I show that the deployment is hard on me. He begs me to continue to do things with my friends and do whatever I need to enjoy my life. I feel like I do that already. Then he goes into divorce rates in the military and how he's never had a girlfriend survive a deployment.
I understand now. He's still scared of losing me. That is something that I'm still processing. My previous limiting belief or fear is that he will push me away but no, he wants me to stay close. Wow. I love that but I tend to forget it sometimes. (We do so judge the present based on our past fears.)
He then nonchalantly says something about how he's looking forward to meeting "the cast of characters" in my life when he's visiting with me in October.
"What? October? What are you talking about?"
He acted like he'd already told me and I had NO idea! He tends to be forgetful when he's missing sleep.
So yeah, I get to see him in October. I do know that he has lots of plans and family that he will be visiting. He has set aside some days to spend with me and asked if I could take a few days off of work.
Um, yeah, I think so. (duh!) I'm just not sure I can concentrate on work between now and then.