Friday, May 30, 2008

See the beauty

"Once you have started seeing the beauty of life, ugliness starts disappearing. If you start looking at life with joy, sadness starts disappearing. You cannot have heaven and hell together, you can have only one. It is your choice."


I found this quote in an old email to one of my very best friends. It brought to mind something that happened to me during the darkest times after the ex and I separated.

I'm a firm believer in chemistry. I knew, the moment I first saw my husband, that we would be good together. You know how you just know?

The other men that I've had in my life have been the same. Even a few of my girlfriends!

You know how you just know, when you meet someone, that they will be a 'lifer'? That they will be in your life for a very long time and you, quite possibly, even knew each other in another lifetime?

I remember thinking that it would probably never happen to me again after the ex and I split up. I truly felt dead inside, like nothing could ever move me or my heart again.

About 6 months after our separation, I decided to look at life differently. I decided to be grateful for what I did have and more positive about what could be.

Strange 'coincidences' began happening, like signposts pointing me to something new.

It was getting close to the holidays and I heard about a new church on the radio. The radio was just background noise as I cleaned house but this ad stood out to me. So, on a whim, I decided to try it out.

I had also just seen "The Holiday" with beautiful Jude Law as a single dad. I thought to myself, "Maybe that's who I need in my life. A single dad!"

I went alone to the church and took an aisle seat, honestly in case I wanted to sneak out early. As I sat browsing over the program, I looked up and my eye caught the gorgeous face of a man. I even felt butterflies in my stomach! He sat about two rows in front of me and I couldn't stop staring at him.

At one point in the service, he was called to the stage to sing. What?! He's a singer too! He and the pianist performed one of my favorite Christmas songs, "Little Drummer Boy" by Bing Crosby and David Bowie.

I couldn't take my eyes off of this man. Apparently he is well known at the church and as he was introduced, the preacher mentioned something about the man's teenage daughter cheering from the balcony.

Wait... I didn't see a ring on his finger. Could he be.... a single dad? A single dad who is beautiful and sings?!! Oh, I was in heaven!

After the service, I decided I needed to meet this man. As I made this decision, I suddenly had the word "exquisite" in my head. I had no idea what it meant or where it came from. This was not a word I use in every day language but I kept hearing the word repeating in my brain.

I walked right up to him (I told you all that I do this) and introduced myself. I told him that he did a wonderful job singing and that it was one of my favorite Christmas songs. He looked at me and smiled and said, "I love that song too. Isn't it exquisite?"

What the....?

He enveloped me in a huge hug. I was so stunned that I suddenly grew shy and walked away.

I never went back to that church. Nor did I ever see him again. I received exactly what I needed from that experience.

I now knew that my heart could feel again. I could feel butterflies in my stomach again. And I actually felt love again. The experience was, in a word, exquisite.

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