Wednesday, May 21, 2008

What to say?

I've been laying low recently in emailing to my soldier. I just don't know what to say! He says he wants to hear about my days but then I get the feeling that it brings him down. He loved hearing about the 160 mile bike ride but then said, "I get jealous because I wish it was me."

I finally sent him a little naughty video on Monday after nearly a week of silence. He responded and said he would be calling me this afternoon. I look forward to hearing his voice but I'm also nervous about it.

I've read many things about supporting a soldier from other mil-blogs and I know there's a precarious balance between showing them your independence and letting them know they are not forgotten. I've heard they want to feel like you're not better off without them but they don't like to feel helpless when you need assistance either. At least we're not married or that would tend to complicate matters more. (Praise the military spouse!)

I actually felt that I needed a week of silence. I tend to pull away when I'm feeling melancholy. Then I began to worry that he would think I had forgotten about him. Then I would remind myself to relax and let him have his space to be melancholy too (I sensed some depression when he called last week). Perhaps it is good for us both.

I will follow his lead today and hopefully our conversation will flow effortlessly. I miss his laughter. I'm reminded of his state of mind when this deployment first began. Then once he transferred to his base, he was a completely different person. Perhaps after we hit the half-way point, while I'm on vacation in Mexico next month, he'll feel much lighter.

In the meantime, I will let him have his cave and I will enjoy myself (and try not to feel guilty about it).

3 comments:

  1. Remember that he left his life...you are still living it....keep it light and things will be fine....if you are dedicated to this relationship you have to remember always that their tour is sort of like a prison sentence....sent away to a place they had NO choice to go to, they have to stay there without the choice of WHEN to come home, away from FAMILY who can not come visit.....very hard on them...so just remember that in the end they have all this PLUS they are being shot at....kind of puts things in better perspective for me when I feel like I am always carrying the end of the conversation....go on and tell him your whole day...I used to do it with a smile on my face....when I was done...he was often smiling too.....smiling is contagious on the phone too. :D

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  2. I love reading your blog. You are so dang honest its practically RAW!

    I don't worry to much about finding the best way to talk to him while he is over there. I did for a while in the middle, but I found micromanaging what I was telling him to be a lot like lying. So I told him that there were things that I didn't want to talk about because I thought would be hard. I mean he is still him. Of course he is jealous, some people that you know that live close to you might be jealous.

    Not to disagree was ASW, because obviously she knows what's up around here, but I think that although it may be sort of like a prison sentence, it is one the choose to sign up for. They knew going out that they would be away from anything they loved here. They knew that they would have little to no control over their destiny or when they can come home. I remind myself and him of that. Then I say, so make sure that you are getting out of this whatever made you feel like signing up. This does have a purpose. Missing you has a purpose, and maybe the purposes have changed, because the circumstances have changed. We both respect your decision, and realize that it has grave consequences, and you are obligated to take responsibility for those. :: shrug:: and I let that go.

    I mean I care if Adam is upset by my life going on with out him because I love him, but by the same token on some level it was a choice. Could he see it panning out this way? Of course not! But no one ever can. He still joined and some days I am very angry, but that's life, and so some days he is unhappy, but it is not random that this has happened this way.

    That's my 2 cents.

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  3. Wow. To both of you. Very well said.

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