I've been laying low recently in emailing to my soldier. I just don't know what to say! He says he wants to hear about my days but then I get the feeling that it brings him down. He loved hearing about the 160 mile bike ride but then said, "I get jealous because I wish it was me."
I finally sent him a little naughty video on Monday after nearly a week of silence. He responded and said he would be calling me this afternoon. I look forward to hearing his voice but I'm also nervous about it.
I've read many things about supporting a soldier from other mil-blogs and I know there's a precarious balance between showing them your independence and letting them know they are not forgotten. I've heard they want to feel like you're not better off without them but they don't like to feel helpless when you need assistance either. At least we're not married or that would tend to complicate matters more. (Praise the military spouse!)
I actually felt that I needed a week of silence. I tend to pull away when I'm feeling melancholy. Then I began to worry that he would think I had forgotten about him. Then I would remind myself to relax and let him have his space to be melancholy too (I sensed some depression when he called last week). Perhaps it is good for us both.
I will follow his lead today and hopefully our conversation will flow effortlessly. I miss his laughter. I'm reminded of his state of mind when this deployment first began. Then once he transferred to his base, he was a completely different person. Perhaps after we hit the half-way point, while I'm on vacation in Mexico next month, he'll feel much lighter.
In the meantime, I will let him have his cave and I will enjoy myself (and try not to feel guilty about it).