With the calendar ticking off the last two months until my soldier comes home on leave, I'm finding that I'm constantly turned on.
Maybe its because our emails and phone calls have gone from R rated to NC-17 and moving way past the XXX category. The anticipation and physiological responses are definitely adding to the excitement .
He kicks my sexual energy into overdrive and suddenly its all I'm thinking about.
I'm drooling over the men and women while watching the Olympics. Their strong, athletic and nearly nude bodies covered in sweat, sand or wet from swimming makes me feel a little lightheaded.
I find that I linger a little longer in the guys' offices at work, just to absorb male energy. The scent of their colognes, the deep voices, the leather of their shoes... all of it makes my pulse beat stronger than before.
Tonight in yoga class, I watched the man next to me, holding strong in his asana, and I wondered about running my hands through the hair on his chest.
I had to take a girlfriend to the airport this afternoon and I watched as she walked in front of me, her short skirt swaying from side to side and hinting of the skin at the tops of her thighs. Her breasts looked firm and yet soft beneath her blouse. I found myself breathing heavier after she hugged me goodbye.
I'm making eye-contact with the young guys who work at my grocery store. I smile at them and our gaze promises of something more. Then I have to look away. I know I could but I really shouldn't.
I am trying to reign all of this in. I cannot continue to put out all of that sexual energy because when it comes back to me, I don't know what to do with it.
I thought I was bad when I was pregnant. I had the sexual appetite of a teenage boy when I was pregnant. It was unfortunate that my husband didn't want to have sex with me then. Every inch of my body was an erogenous zone. With more than normal amounts of blood coursing through my veins, I was especially sensitive to touch.
Now I'm finding that I am more than just sensitive in the physical sense. I can sense sexual energy almost like sparks that escape every living being in the room. My girlfriends are telling me that when they and their husbands have been around me, they have amazing sex afterwards. Its like I'm affecting others because I can't control it anymore.
Maybe its just been too long since I've felt that connected intimacy with a man. I do my best to see love all around me and it stops loneliness in its tracks. Maybe when I'm doing that, I'm also feeling connected with everything around me on a deeper level.
My best friend and yoga teacher has been telling me lately that my 2nd chakra is dominant right now. Perhaps I've awakened some Kundalini energy because I've been basically fasting from men for nearly a year. I do so adore Kundalini yoga. Kriyas make me happy.
Is the Kundalini serpent rising? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm vibrating over here. And it feels good.