This post will be radically different from the last post but such is my life. I am ever switching gears from 'single' to 'mom' and trying to work out the balance between the two.
The weather here in Texas is phenomenal this week. Today's high was only 81. Just perfect for me.
I decided to forego my usual Monday night A Course in Miracles study group to spend the evening with the kids. I will be attending a spiritual Kirtan music concert on Wednesday night so I thought we'd enjoy the nice weather together tonight.
After dinner we went for a walk around the neighborhood. Grace decided to push her baby stroller with her stuffed flamingo strapped inside. Both she and Rose took turns pushing the stroller down the sidewalk, sometimes running ahead of me and sometimes running over my heels.
"Mommy, it feels good outside. Its not sweaty at all!"
Grace never did enjoy being hot. She is my January baby. Even as an infant, she would break into giggles when the cold wind would blow in her face.
After a while, and as expected, both girls decided they no longer wanted to push the baby stroller. I had given a warning before we left the house that I would not be responsible for their toys. So, they decided to split the responsibility.
Rose folded down the stroller and began carrying it.
Grace carried her stuffed flamingo named Miami.
After a while, Rose says, "Grace, do you want me to show you how to carry your flamingo like a baby?"
We walked further.
"But Grace, don't you think you should carry Miami like a baby? I mean she was in the stroller and now you're carrying her wrong."
"No, I don't want to!"
I've seen this on numerous occasions so I spoke up.
"Rose, why don't you let her carry it the way she wants to. Why do you always have to correct her?"
As soon as the words left my mouth I realized.... this is exactly what I have done to her.
Ugh. There is no worse feeling than to see your child do something irritating and then realize they are just mirroring you.
I think I did that to her for years. I guess it was my attempts to control. I think I even did the same thing to my ex. I'd like to think I'm better now. I hope so.
I can't break a habit in her that is so well ingrained. I hope my awareness of it, and especially when I see her doing it, will help me. And her.
Wow. I suppose that is yet another dragon on this quest that I have yet to slay. Sometimes the mirror image ain't pretty but it doesn't lie, does it?