Last week, I found myself feeling sorry for him. Commiserating doesn't work. I think both of us were depressed when we hung up the phone. I felt pretty helpless and sad most of the week following.
Today, I was in a great mood when he called. I rattled on and on about my life, new friends, my kids, my running and cycling... I thought surely my enthusiasm would bring a smile to his face, as it usually does.
He reminded me how fortunate I was to have such great friends and fun things to do. He compared my situation to his. He is frustrated with his current position and people that he works with. He will be changing positions and moving to another camp in October and then he will be spending time with loads of family and friends (and me!) during his leave....still a month away.
"See baby?" I reminded him, "Its temporary! You're almost there!"
"Yeah, I know. I'm just having a difficult time getting from day to day right now."
I could worry but worry does neither one of us any good. We've been through this before. I know it will pass. In the meantime, I need to focus on what usually gets me through times like this: gratitude.
Tonight as I sat with my kids as they snuggled in their beds, we took turns saying what we were grateful for:
- my friends at school
- water and food
- my sweet girls
- my sweet Mommy
- that we're all healthy
- that we have comfy beds to sleep in
- the bear that (my soldier) sent me
- that Daddy doesn't yell at us anymore
- Daddy and Uncle Zen (the ex's brother/roomie)
- our old house
- our new house
- our friend's house where we had a party tonight
- that my girls help me with chores around the house
- our toys
I'm sending all of that love and gratitude to my sweet soldier across the miles. He is not a victim and he's the first one who'll say that to you. I know and he knows that he has a choice of how he can view his situation. I can't make him change his mind however, I can change my own mind of how I view him and this deployment.
He is ok. He is of sound mind. He is healthy. He is strong. He is loved. He is amazing. He is powerful. He is ok. He is ok. He is ok.
Thank God that he is OK.
And thank you God that I am too!