After reading the post at Dad's House about needing a hug and Cathouse Teri's thoughts on the same topic, it occurred to me that I too have been stuck obsessing on the form of love I'd prefer to receive.
I think we're all guilty of it. That's why DVDs and books like The Secret are so popular.
If you stay positive and focus on exactly what it is you want in your life, it will come to you.
I believe this. I believe it will come to you. I have seen it happen. I also have seen it not happen. And when it doesn't happen in the form we'd prefer, we're let down and even more discouraged than before.
The first time I heard about the Law of Attraction and watched The Secret was about 6 months after the ex and I separated. I felt completely helpless and was convinced that life was going to let me down. I felt victimized, depressed and angry at what cards I had been dealt.
I was working part time at a chiropractor's office and one of the other doctors kept telling me to watch The Secret over the Internet. I blew him off every time he mentioned it. I didn't know what it was about and I had no interest in any woo-woo stuff. He persisted though. I'll give him that.
Well, this particular day, I was pretty fed up and as I signed into my gmail account, I saw an advertisement pop up about The Secret.
"OK!" I shouted to the sky, "I get it. I'll watch the damn thing!"
By the middle of the movie, I was in tears. Up to that point, nothing had ever left me feeling so completely empowered and in control of my as-yet-to-be-determined future.
I immediately went to my checkbook, pulled out a deposit slip and wrote out a future date and amount of money I wanted to appear magically in my account. Day after day, I stared at that deposit slip hanging in my medicine cabinet. I visualized it. I knew it was mine.
The date came and went.
I kept the deposit slip taped in my medicine cabinet and soon began to resent the damn thing. The money simply wasn't coming to me. Every time I looked at it, I became angrier.
It was about a week later that I began attending a friend's study group on A Course in Miracles. With ACIM, you are still responsible for your thoughts however, the goal is not materialistic wealth. You can certainly manifest wealth but it may or may not give you a feeling of joy or peace. The goal of ACIM is to bring you that peace.
After about a month of ACIM study groups, I went home and pulled down that deposit slip. On the back of it I wrote:
I choose to have happiness and peace in my life.
From that point forward, when I looked at that note in my cabinet, I smiled because I knew that my goal was achievable. It was my choice. And it was the content of happiness and peace that I chose, no matter what form they took.
I choose love.
That has been my goal this past year with my soldier's deployment. I have to remind myself that love may come in many forms. I have to be open to it, however it looks, in order to receive it. And I am happy to say that it has come in myriad forms, from my family and old friends to new friends who were once strangers.... all leaving me grateful for the abundance of love in my life. (That is my "secret", by the way, to surviving a deployment.)
I woke up this morning feeling more ready to receive it. I'm feeling that sense of calm again. It is a choice, I realize, that I have to make in every moment.
At the grocery store today, a complete stranger (and very handsome, fit bald man) passed me in the produce section. We made eye contact and I smiled. A few minutes later, he was standing beside me.
"Excuse me," he said, "I just moved here a month ago from Oklahoma. I've noticed that women here in Texas are so much more beautiful than where I come from. I don't know why I felt like I wanted to tell you that. "
Wow. I giggled like a school girl and told him thank you.
It made my day, receiving love from a complete stranger who asked for nothing in return.
That, my friends, is something to be grateful for.
Oh, and the money did come to me, by the way, and continues to come to me exactly when I need it. I try not to fight the timing or form. Everything is as it should be.