Crossing that bridge,
With lessons I've learned.
Playing with fire,
And not getting burned.
I may not know what you're going through.
But time is the space,
Between me and you.
Life carries on... it goes on.
~ Seal, Prayer for the Dying
Click on the link above to watch the video for the song. Seal.... simple, sexy, sensual, SSSOOOOOO good. And SO bald.
But I digress...
I've come to realize:
I have been choosing the "wrong" men based on my feelings (or lack thereof) of self-worth.
Goodness, even in that post I just linked to, from April of this year, I said,
"I've learned that I tend to be attracted to the 'unavailability' of men, and friends in general, for some reason or another. It feels like I am only comfortable in relationships in which I have to work hard. Trying and vying for someone's attention at all times."Wow. I could seemingly type nearly that entire post here again.
The thing is, I didn't realize this about myself until this year of the Soldier.
This is yet another reason why I hold no regrets for my choices. Sure, I suppose they seemingly could have been the "wrong" men but weren't they truly exactly "right"?
I think they were exactly what I needed at the time. Each relationship has always led me to and prepared me for the next one. I hold no regrets for any of them. Not a single one.
Who am I to judge what lessons are in store for me?
"Remember how many times you thought you knew all the 'facts' you needed for judgment, and how wrong you were! Is there anyone who has not had this experience? Would you know how many times you merely thought you were right, without ever realizing you were wrong?I am laying my judgment down... "not with regret but with a sigh of gratitude".
Wisdom is not judgment; it is the relinquishment of judgment. It is this: There is Someone with you Whose judgment is perfect. He does know all the facts; past, present, and to come. He does know all the effects of His judgment on everyone and everything involved in any way. And He is wholly fair to everyone, for there is no distortion in His perception."
~ A Course in Miracles
"Some of your greatest advances you have judged as failures, and some of your deepest retreats you have evaluated as success."
~A Course in Miracles
What the hell do I know anyway?