I met my friend Marie for lunch today. Marie is another very good friend (I do have a few!) from WAY back when.
Marie is very protective of me. She, quite simply, always has been. I was only 21 when we met and she was 29. Today, her latest motherly advice came in regards to moving on after the end of my relationship with Soldier.
"Please, PLEASE tone yourself down around any T virgins..."
This was her way of asking me to play it cool and demure when meeting new guys. I am a bold girl. I tell it like it is. She's afraid it will frighten off any new suitors. I'm thinking I should know right up front whether or not they can handle me. Besides, I have NO interest in meeting new suitors right now.
This whole "being protective of T" is nothing new in my life. From as far back as I remember, friends have taken me under their protection and given me unwarranted advice. My guy friends in high school would worry about me when I was upset about the way my dad treated me or if I crushed on some boy who didn't know I existed. My first roommate was worried about my boyfriend (that I eventually married and was married to for 15 years) and offered much advice against him. Men I work with offer their advice and other people throughout my working adult life have decided to throw in their .02 into whatever situation I'm muddling through.
I suppose I look like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm even noticing some comments that seem to offer advice about what I should do in my current situation. I guess that comes with having a blog and putting it all out there. I don't mind. I, in fact, appreciate the love, caring support and the worrying about me. However, here's something you don't know about me:
I will do what I want anyway.
Just ask my dad. (Well, ok. So we can't do that.) You could ask the ex. He'll tell you. I'm hard-headed that way. I got it from my daddy.
The thing is, and I've learned this through my own spiritual studies, you can tell someone something over and over again.....you can even speak from your very own experience....but the person you are speaking with will not hear you. They may not hear anything but the wah wah wah of Charlie Brown's teacher.
We have to have the experience.
We have to find out on our own.
Its the only way for us to learn the lesson.
God help me to remember this when my children are going through their own life lessons...
Tonight I met with PT-Law Mom for dinner. She happened to be in town on business and I was thrilled when she asked if we could meet. I brought the kids along too. What a wonderful, confident, sexy lady she is! We hit it off immediately and could've talked for hours if it wasn't for Rose's soccer practice calling us away. I look forward to meeting her again.
She commented that I looked great and gave me a sympathetic look. Huh? Oh yeah! Its funny to meet a relative stranger and realize she knows all about the sad weekend with Soldier. As I told her more about what happened and how he felt as if he couldn't be the man he thought I needed, she gave me a wonderful observation.
"That's the thing with being a single mom. When you date, guys think that you need them more than you do. Like, its a natural instinct for a man to want to fix things."
Wow. She's right. Absolutely that's what he was doing. And yes, I think it is true about some men wanting to feel needed. I know Soldier wanted that. Ok, enough about that.
I had a few of you worried about me (being protective?) in response to my flirting post yesterday.
Don't worry. I am using protection.
I said, "I am available now"... which meant, I am single again. Is my heart available to love someone? I don't think so. I feel as if my heart has been anesthetized. My heart is protected under lock and key, for now.
I am SO not available for another relationship. I am happy just being T right now. Remember though, that I have been alone for an entire year. Soldier and I only saw each other for a month prior to our separation before his deployment. 9 months prior to that, I had a brief 2 month relationship with J. And 9 months prior to that, I separated from my husband. Its not like I've been bouncing from one guy to the next. Its just not what I do. My quest is to find ME... not see how many men I can get through.
I said, "I'm thinking its time to take on a lover".... which meant. I need sex. Nothing more, nothing less. So far, it seems to be working out just fine.
Thank you for your concern. I have learned quite a bit about life, love and loss and I will continue to do so. I hope that you all stick with me and watch as I learn these lessons, the ones you already see on my horizon, on my own.
I'm just hard-headed that way.