Sunday, November 9, 2008

Monogamous but kinky; Confident but humble

I don't know who you are, the man in my dream last night, but I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I could actually feel your vibration from across the room. I can see the width of your shoulders and your strong back. I can remember the deep tone of your skin and the darkness of your thick hair. Your brown eyes searched my soul and you didn't even have to say a word. Please come back to me in my dreams again. It felt good just to be in proximity of your energy...

I have learned much about myself from the various relationships I've been in. I have also learned what I desire in a partner. I know what attracts me physically, as the traits of the man in my dreams, however, I also know that beyond those attributes is where the true attraction lies.

I actually started this list last fall and have added more to it recently. I am not giving out the whole list but I thought I'd share some of it here. Of course, these are all things I would like to think that I offer to a partner as well.

Here it is, my list of attributes in the perfect partner, and in no particular order... (Maybe it will inspire you to make your own lists):

  • Happy - First and foremost, I have realized that the only way for someone to truly see me, is to have found his own happiness and true sense of self. After all, you can't love anyone else unless you love yourself. (I'm working on this too!)
  • Someone who loves like I do - Yes, I choose a man who loves me without fear and wants to shout it from the highest mountains!!! (and that I love him like that too!)
  • Kindness/Selflessness - Kind-hearted towards all people, life, animals, the planet, the universe, God.
  • Affectionate - I choose a partner who is just as comfortable holding hands and holding me as they are being together in the bedroom.
  • Positive - I love someone who has an optimistic view of life and love. Obviously I try to always see things, no matter how ugly, in a positive way. I would like to be with someone who inspires me to continue to smile in the face of negativity.
  • A Good kisser - I choose a partner that loves to kiss.… Long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last 3 days.
  • Romantic - Yes, I still long for the romance of candlelight, slow dancing and staring into each others' eyes. I enjoy talking with pure silence. The sensual touch of skin to skin and truly appreciating the moment with the other person.
  • Availability - Physical availability, emotional availability, mental availability, spiritual availability. Strong and independent and yet willing to be there for me as I will be for him. Allows me the space that I need - I do love my alone time - and enjoys his own company as well.
  • Athletic - Athletic meaning that he runs, swims, bikes or does yoga or something regularly to take care of his physique and not a body builder. I'm totally digging a man who can pick me up, has stamina enough to grind into me even when I'm on top, wants to be healthy and looks good.
  • Financially stable - I choose a partner who has a great job and retirement plan. I choose someone who works healthy hours and has a good healthy attitude about work. Loves his job and is good at it, because he is fully present in all that he does. He works hard and leaves his job at work. I choose for him to have a healthy attitude with money; how to spend it; how to save it. Financially secure and with debt paid off.
  • Good family values - I would like to feel completely at ease with this partner in allowing them around my children. I would love to fall even more in love with someone who wants to spend time and enjoys spending time with me and the girls. Understands the strong father-daughter bond and would like to be a good fatherly role model for my girls. I also choose for someone to have a healthy and loving relationship with his own family/mother and a good respect for women. Someone who has had an at least moderately happy childhood and good relationship with his siblings and parents.
  • Forgiving and accepting - It would be perfect for someone to comprehend my relationship with the ex and understand that he will always play a role in the lives of my girls. Forgiving and accepting is a good trait to have anyway… about everyone.
  • Honesty - I love a person who is honest with me. No game playing just "this is who I am". Someone who will honestly share his thoughts, feelings and opinions in a gentle way so that I feel love when he speaks. I choose honesty in discussing our pasts and future as well.
  • A good empathetic listener - I love a man that can listen to me with every intention of feeling what I'm saying. Someone who enjoys that I can't tell a short story... I have to give you every feeling and description so you will feel what I felt. I feel like you get me, if you listen to me like that.
  • Confident but humble - Confidence is so sexy to me..... Nothing gets me going like a man who's a bad-ass at work, in the kitchen, in bed... But even sexier is a man who is confident and secure but humble. Like, he's good and he can't even help it! Oh my goodness! This trait alone is extremely irresistible to me.
  • Trustworthiness - I love just knowing that I can trust a man. Feeling that I can relax and let someone else do something for me. Knowing that this person loves me and wants only for me to be happy.
  • Communication - I do love a man who is good with words. Someone who can communicate clearly, intelligently and openly makes for great conversations!
  • Sense of Humor - I choose someone who is good at making me laugh or giggle. Someone that can be a bit silly and goofy with me because it's fun. I love being with someone who encourages me not to take myself and life so seriously. And a man who appreciates my sense of humor too!
  • Patience - I think its so sexy to see a man be patient with a child or another person who is struggling with something. I melt to see a man be loving and non-judgmental around those who don't necessarily do things as he would do them (i.e. drive or cook).
  • Respectful - To me, my family, my children, my friends, his family, his friends, women, men, complete strangers!
  • Good hair (or not) - I do love a man with good hair or who looks good bald as well.
  • Strong healthy sexy body - Uh… nuff said. I want to get wet thinking about the body that I'm going to be with later. I choose a partner who is very healthy, disease free and eats right.
  • Monogamous but kinky - ok, its no secret that I like to explore all things sexual. I would like a partner with an open mind and confidence in his sexuality as well. But it'd be nice if he would share that exploration with me only. I choose a partner who loves sex like I love sex, will take time exploring my body and is concerned about my pleasure. I choose a partner who enjoys experimenting. One who enjoys long deep passionate soul sex. Someone who is so comfortable with themselves sexually that they can talk to me about it and find out what we like, don't like, etc. We can talk about it because we are as comfortable sharing our sex together as sharing a conversation.
  • Faith - I choose a partner who has a deep love for God. Spiritual, not religious but open to exploring more and learning how to feel more connected to God. Understands that we can feel that connection through each other.
  • Intelligence - I choose a partner who does love to read and research and learn new things all the time. Nothing turns me on more than a man who says, "Ya know I was reading something the other day about…" Wow. I love that. Especially when the topic is about being a better person, healthier, better parent, better spouse, whatever!
  • Loves being active - I love a man that enjoys doing something other than watching TV. A little TV is ok though. I choose a partner who inspires me and the girls to get out of the house and do something active or fun. I choose a partner who enjoys doing things with me and my children.

I can actually picture myself with this big-hearted and loving man. Encouraging me to be the best 'T' I can be. Adoring me. Happy in his own life but wants to add to mine. Feels that I bring so much beauty and love to his life... and truly appreciates me. And someone compatible with me and the stage of life I am in. (Thanks to Dad's House for this wonderful recommendation!)



I choose a relationship where we choose each other, again and again, for the entire length of our time together. I know it is possible.

I can feel him. He's out there. Until then, I am going to be this list. We only get what we give away...



P.S. If you have a list already or are going to make one, leave a comment with the link to your list! This is a fun, empowering exercise!


Some of my favorite lists:

Literature and Love
- Dear World
Single Mom Seeking - The man I hope to love
Attaining Me - What I Want in a Man
Bad Mummy - The Non-Negotiables
Ramblings of a Harassed Single Mom - The man I want to hold my hand
Going Sane in a Crazy World - Date Worthy in Mike's Book

17 comments:

  1. I did that too! four years ago I realized I hadn't even taken the time to get to know myself, and so I made a "Jenny file" on the computer and I listed all kinds of stuff about me, including of course, what I was looking for in a guy. It was very validating.

    Yeah, I am a little solitary..heh! I was thinking it would be fun to have a PJ party.

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  2. You go babe! Right on!

    I'll be linking to you tomorrow... It's almost midnight and I'm still working on my list. Ha ha.

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  3. T, that's a wonderful list. I haven't "known" you very long, but your personality is so vibrant, even through a computer screen, that I see you with this man, too.

    I found you through the iheart bloggers, and I'm really enjoying your journey.

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  4. This post made me want to stand up and cheer. We might be fighting over this guy because I think that just about sums up my list as well :) Just kiddin'.

    Seriously, lists like this work. I believe in the power of visualizing what you want. When you take the time to do it, put it out into the universe, and focus on living an awesome life...he will materialize. It's not a question of if, but when.

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  5. So many people have said to me "make a list" I never have!

    But I love this list T! LOVE IT! So maybe I should make one!

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  6. That's a great list. I might have to steal it.

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  7. Great list. How well did your soldier fit that list?

    I find that lists are great to get us to focus in a positive direction, but when you're out in the real world you have no idea who will turn your head and grab your energy. Might be someone entirely different!

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  8. This list is based on quite a few things I loved about Soldier. He fit in very well, with a few exceptions here and there. (physical availability being one)

    And I agree, sometimes you just don't know who you're going to fall for. But it doesn't hurt to aim high!

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  9. Love your blog and great food for thought as I to make my way in the world

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  10. Damn good list, T.. Damn good...

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  11. T, you're so sweet! I would love for you to link my list... even copy/paste with a little link would be okay. Thank you so much for asking.

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  12. My list is nearly a year old now and I refer to it as The Non-Negotiables.

    http://badmummynocookie.blogspot.com/2008/01/non-negotiables.html

    It's not NEARLY as eloquent, but it gets down to the nitty gritty. I know now exactly what I need from a partner and in a relationship.

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  13. http://attainingme.wordpress.com/2008/10/09/what-i-want-in-a-man/#comment-64

    However, I need to do another one as the link above is simply the dialog of exploring what I think I want.

    I will post a new one by the end of the week. Thank you.

    Also, I love how you wrote "I CHOOSE" . the power of words is phenomenal. It is so true, we really do have the ability to create what we are and our surroundings. It is our choice!

    Love your list!! It almost makes me want to date you!

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  14. I like this list. In fact, I LOVE this list.

    You'll find him, T. And he'll be one lucky man when the time comes. :)

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  15. How nice that you can still describe me in such detail after all these years! :)

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  16. Thats a nice list. I'm still working on the 'me' part so I might have a list a year from now. Hah.

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  17. Wow, T, this is a GEM Of a list! You've said things on here that I think about but don't have the courage to write (ok and my family reads mine and I can't imagine them reading some of that, as much as I hate to admit that!) Love it!

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Thank you for leaving me some comment love!