Monday, November 17, 2008

Spirituality behind the sex

In the About Me section of my blog, I state that sometimes I'm not sure whether to meditate or masturbate.

Its true.

I am not only on a spiritual journey for my soul but also a sexual journey for my body.

Someone said to me about my blog, "This is so interesting because I think most people think you can't be both sexual and spiritual."

I, too, have had that problem. It first occurred to me that I craved both the physical and the spiritual shortly after my 160 mile bike ride for charity back in May. Even though it was a seemingly physical feat to go 160 miles on a bike, during the ride I realized that I used my mental fortitude and spiritual strength to get me through it. I think that's when I connected the two.

I knew all about the body/mind/spirit connection from practicing yoga for many years. Still, I knew many yogis (including my best friend and yoga teacher, De) who deny their bodies because others see them as spiritual teachers. Yet, the irony is that yoga teaches us about how the mind and spirit affect the body. Even in Kundalini and Tantric yoga styles, the connection is made between the spirit and our sexual natures.

I wonder if the disconnect comes, not from spirituality, but from the shame brought about by some ancient-thinking organized religions. Somewhere along the way, we were taught that our bodies were places of evil and that we certainly couldn't embrace our natural sexual selves lest we be deemed to hell. Jesus didn't have sex so we shouldn't either.

I think we also tend to deny our spirits as well. We treat ourselves as human doings rather than human beings. We live so lost in yesterdays and tomorrows that we never stop to just see the perfection of this moment.

To me, that is the biggest shame of all.

Haven't we learned by now that to deny our bodies, to prohibit something that we, by our very nature, want, we only end up worshiping it? Or we make it something we should feel guilty about and carry around even more shame?

And when we deny the truth of who we are, we actually end up feeling more separate and alone and in the very hell we were trying to avoid?


Can we have a healthy relationship with sex?

Can we have a healthy relationship with our True Self?



(I am not purposely bashing religion. I find that we all have our own paths towards the same truth. This is simply my path and my experience.)


My heart is healing and feeling whole again. My spirit was never broken. Challenged to grow? Oh most definitely. And I am smiling and shining from such a depth of joy that I can't remember feeling in quite a while.

My body, also, is finding much health and strength again. I had to purge the experience of being submissive in the poem I wrote over the weekend called Master and Slave. I have never been submissive in the sexual sense before. Even when I was just experiencing the opening of my virginal doors, I already knew what turned me on. I wanted to take control. And the men in my life, before Soldier, allowed me just that.

Now that I've experienced that, I don't mind trying it again. However hopefully the next time there can be a balance between dominating and submitting. Both in the bedroom and outside of it.

I'm also craving sex again. I'm finding that when I do masturbate lately, I don't seem to have enough hands to touch myself in all the places that want pleasuring.

My spirit is growing. My body is learning.

The book I'm reading says that girls like me equate sex with emotional connection.

Doesn't this explain why?

Does this explain my crying orgasms?

Or does it stem from the once virginal belief that the man I would have sex with would be "the one"?

We think that a big dick or mind-blowing sex means that we're really connected and meant for each other. Maybe we are? Maybe we aren't? Maybe we just are in that very moment. In the moment of Now. Isn't that the only moment that matters?

I'm reminded of the opportunities I had for sex with other men during the year of Soldier's deployment. I would turn them down thinking that I should save myself for him...

Now I'm realizing I should save myself for me.

What a wonderful turn around! I'm not saying that I shouldn't have sex but I should be totally aware of me and what I'm doing/learning in the experience. Not planning a wedding with the guy.

Still, I wonder.... surely there's a man made just for me. A man who has some substance behind the penis. Some spirituality behind the sex.

Because that's the man that would be nearly perfect for me.

"Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward."
~Soren Kierkegaard

13 comments:

  1. Amen, T! Great post. I have more to say but am too tired to do any more tonight...now to close my eyes and sleeeep!

    Be well, T.

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  2. That's an interesting assertion; that one cannot be sexual and spiritual. I think that sexuality and spirituality are sometimes so close that they overlap by quite a bit.

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  3. Fantastic food for thought you are so eloquent with your words and how you are portraying yourself sincere,honest,spiritual and vulnerable I am really enjoying reading your blogs

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  4. Thanks, T. Great insight. I have some of the same feelings.

    I, too am in search of a man just made for me with some substance behind the penis.

    In the meantime....This girl has NEEDS so I just have to have some boytoys on the side. If I am not having regular sex, I am just not a stable person!!!

    I sometimes think I am living two different lives. I teeter-totter between a little slut that only some naughty men know about and a spiritual woman looking for her soul mate. Only a few close friends know both sides of me.

    I love your blog, T.

    Have a great Tuesday!

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  5. Excellent topic T. For me I think that deep need for sex is need for a spiritual connection. I know for me I need a connection with a person to not feel like I'm masturbating with another human being. Empty sex affects me in a negative way.

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  6. Great post! It gave me a lot to think about.

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  7. I think if people equate spirituality with relgion, they can have a problem bringing sex into the mix. But if you equate spirituality with your inner energy, your chakras, your pscyhology, your awareness of your Self - then Sex is absolutely connected. Sex is the physical and emotional manifestation of a spiritual union.

    And you don't have to be married to experience that union - any two partners can have it, even a one-night-stand, since it arises through presence and awareness and intent.

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  8. I agree with the others that have commented before me. Great post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

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  9. The two go together WAY more than people think.
    xoxo

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  10. Hmm, interesting T. I think I'm a lot like you but I haven't fully considered that.

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  11. > I wonder if the disconnect comes, not from spirituality, but from the shame brought about by some ancient-thinking organized religions. Somewhere along the way, we were taught that our bodies were places of evil and that we certainly couldn't embrace our natural sexual selves lest we be deemed to hell.

    This is a common cultural stigma, 'specially in Christian religions. It did quite a number on me as a kid. It took me a long time to realize that this was due to culture, and not due to religion. But the culture often grows out of the religion so it's easy to confuse 'em.

    > Jesus didn't have sex so we shouldn't either.

    Hm. Jesus wasn't married (at least that's the predominant Christian theory). If he had been married he certainly would have been sexually active.

    So, Jesus didn't have extramarital sex so we shouldn't either... that version, I think is accurate.

    > Haven't we learned by now that to deny our bodies, to prohibit something that we, by our very nature, want, we only end up worshiping it? Or we make it something we should feel guilty about and carry around even more shame?

    Ugh. :( This could be easily applied to so many appetites. We should release our rage, and strike out at what we dislike... trying to deny natural desires is wrong. If we want something we should take it; restraint and self-control are stupid traits that should be shunned whenever we have an appetite that we want to indulge.

    Sex shouldn't be viewed as wrong. Wanton hedonism should be, though... whether it's sexual hedonism, food hedonism, drug hedonism, whatever.

    > I am not purposely bashing religion. I find that we all have our own paths towards the same truth. This is simply my path and my experience.

    I get that and appreciate it. :)

    > The book I'm reading says that girls like me equate sex with emotional connection.

    It seems like most girls do this. At least, more than most guys do.

    I can have sex without emotional connection but I have to stay constantly alert to do that. My natural tendency is to become intimate with the person I'm having sex with. I think that's totally normal and it blows me away when I see people who don't work that way. I think it's horrible when guys just use a woman's body, but I think it's even worse when a woman experiences sex as a purely physical, non-emotional act.

    > Why do we use sex to sell everything from clothes to beer but God forbid we actually go out and enjoy it?!

    Because as humans we typically ask ourselves to restrain our appetites and delay our gratification until it's appropriate. Our society tells us that sluttery isn't appropriate, so we feel pressure to restrain from it. That's cool; sluttery sucks and it produces unhappy people.

    Sex within healthy boundaries is totally wonderful. It's not bad unless it's misused.

    It's not easy to define healthy boundaries, though. I think that's where most disagreement over sex takes place: what is a healthy boundary?

    Scott from iHeart

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  12. Great post! That line, "Now I'm realizing that I should save myself for myself," totally gave me the chills.

    I think that sex and spiritual practice are so intertwined, as they are all about union and realizing on a deep level that connection, rather than disconnection, is the natural state of things.

    I think shame is inherent in our society's deeply-held puritanical beliefs about sex, that coexist rather weirdly with sex being splashed about everywhere on a superficial level. Living in the Middle East showed me that our cultures are not so different when it comes to shame and sexual repression, even when we supposedly have so much "sexual freedom" here in the West.

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  13. T you are too good for him period. Let it be...don't even spend another thought on him, let alone email him....Let it be another chapter of your life, period.

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