Saturday, November 8, 2008

A whole year...



It was a year ago today that I first began this blog. I almost said it was a year ago that I began this quest but that began nearly 39 years ago...

My first post was nothing more than an innocent introduction. I copied over the few posts I had written on myspace... I had no idea I would delve into my life here as deeply as I have.

I began this blog one day after Soldier left for his deployment. Yes, it was a year ago yesterday that he left for Iraq. I was having a difficult time with it yesterday because I was remembering that I was the last phone call he made before boarding that plane.

A big part of me wants to send him a card. I have sent him cards all year encouraging him... comparing this deployment to an Ironman competition.... reminding him of all the training and dedication of this "athlon" as he'd put into a triathlon. It helped him. I was already writing the card out in my head...
Hey there Ironman,

Its the last 10 miles of the marathon portion of this long "athlon". I know your legs are cramping and tight. I realize that your hands are probably numb from pumping you along. You're almost there. Keep your focus. Know that its almost over and you've done amazingly so far. The finish line is just ahead and you can coast now. You are the strength that feels as if its left you. Its still there... you just have to believe in it...."

The thing is, I won't do it. He needs space and so do I. I have to cut the cord between us. Its difficult and goes completely against the way I normally handle relationships but it has to be done. For both of our sakes but MY SAKE especially.

He needs to feel the space between us. He needs to know what he left behind.

I am happy that I began this blog, even if it was meant to be nothing more than an outlet during his deployment. I have made so many friends and I'm completely addicted now!!

Thank you for following along on my quest. Thank you for so much support, love and encouragement. Thank you for your patience as I treaded through waters that many of you have already been through. Sometimes, I didn't think I was going to make it and then I would see you all, standing along the coast cheering me on. I honestly think that this blog has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

Thank you. Here's to many more years!!

*clink clink*

13 comments:

  1. You've got it girl! Let him realize what he left behind!
    Happy Anniversary!

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  2. Happy first year beautiful one. I hope the coming year is filled with much love, much laughter and many good friends.

    You are an amazing woman, and I'm looking forward to watching your journey unfold.

    xoxo
    ~vk~

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  3. Happy blogaversary T!!

    LOL I just had a glass of wine on you :)

    I feel the same way about my blog - its the COOLEST thing ever!!!!

    Its like a form of therapy really!!!!

    Heres to yet another year of adventures!!

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  4. Congratulations, T! Good work and much continued success to your blogging adventures. :)

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  5. It looks like you're one of the great ones on Planet Earth.

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  6. Wow...thank you for writing the card in your head and then sharing with us. I am holding onto these words:

    "You are the strength that feels as if its left you. Its still there... you just have to believe in it...."

    Since you have said that you have decided you did not write them for him, may I think that you wrote them for me? As we come up on the memorial date of my eleven year old daughter's death from brain cancer, they are very meaningful.

    My daughter Olivia was always the strong one...not me. She was the one who would remind me to "breathe in the light, and blow out the darkness."

    I appreciate your words, thank you.

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  7. Congratulations on a year of blogging! Your honesty and open heart have made your blogs a pleasure to read.

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  8. Happy birthday T!! I thought you had been writing much longer than that as you do it so well!

    The quest will continue - and I hope you continue to share.

    Keep traveling and keep living fully and loving deeply!

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  9. Congratulations, T! I am honored to be included as one of your readers and friends.

    Here's to many more years of sharing, supporting, learning and growing. Salúd!

    Be well, T.

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  10. T, here's to your awesomeness! Can't imagine my week without your blog...

    S.

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  11. > He needs to feel the space between us. He needs to know what he left behind.

    I think that the second sentence above, taken in context, is an excellent condensed summary of a fascinating aspect of your personality.

    I often perceive a lot of ego in your viewpoint. It works pretty well 'cause you bend it to your desires, just like a cocky guy can bend his ego to his desires. It's still fascinating, though... I'm always fascinated by ego & pride 'cause they're the more devious hurdles to overcome for me, personally.

    Anyway, I was powerfully stricken by the viewpoint that seems apparent behind "He needs to know what he left behind."

    Oh, and I'm with you 100% on not sending him a card. Clean breaks are way better in most cases and this seems like one of 'em.

    And yeah, totally keep blogging! You do it well and it helps others as well as helping you. This is one of two blogs that I read regularly. If nothing else, you're at least very interesting! ;)

    Scott from iHeart

    P.S. - Most blog comments follow the "You are so awesome!" format, and mine often digress from that. I am nervous about that... is a personal blog an appropriate place to offer unrequested feedback and sometimes even *gasp* criticisms? I wrestle with that question each time I post.

    I do try to be considerate and polite and encouraging even when posting critical comments. I don't mean them negatively, I promise. I'm all about constructive criticism... but there are many levels of that and I often have a devil of a time figuring out what level of criticism is appropriate for my various relationships.

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  12. Congrats I am enjoying your blog:)

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  13. Happy Blogversary! Can't wait to have that drink with you... The blogosphere is incredibly blessed by you.

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Thank you for leaving me some comment love!