Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hippos, Fake Boobs, Lights and Lollipops

Rose is singing this damn song over and over again. She heard it once - ONE TIME - and she kept asking, "Is this a kid singing this song?"

She couldn't believe it was a grown adult singing. And now, she's singing it endlessly.

Eh, it could be worse. I always get stuck on Feliz Navidad.


I mistakenly opened a can of worms with Rose last week.

We received a sports magazine in the mail and she was looking at the pictures of the cheerleaders. She does the same thing with my Victoria's Secret catalogs.

She’s just like me. I frequently would sneak peeks at my dad’s Playboy and Penthouse magazines when I was a little girl. I was endlessly fascinated with women’s bodies.

She found this one picture of a girl with WAY OBVIOUSLY fake boobs and she said,

“Mommy, her boobs are GINORMOUS!”

And I said, without thinking,

“Yep, they’re fake too.”

Her eyes were like saucers. She spent the rest of the night asking me about the how’s and why’s of fake boobs. Great. Now I’m sure her friends’ parents will be calling me with,

“Your daughter told my daughter that some women have fake boobs!”



The kids and I went out Sunday night to a neighborhood that is famous for its Christmas lights. This neighborhood actually offers horse drawn carriage rides to see the lights more closely.

One home in particular went way above and beyond what you'd expect to see in a normal neighborhood setting. They had so many lights... I mean, a TON of lights... all synchronized to music. There was a sign in the front yard with a radio station to tune to so that you could listen to the music and watch the lights dance in their front yard. We watched in complete awe!

I can't even imagine living next door to these people. I don't even think I'd bother putting up lights with that next door. On their radio station, they said that it took them 13 months to set it all up.

13 months!!

And the kids are begging me,

"Mommy, why can't we have lights like that!"


The cool thing was that the whole thing was for charity. Operation Homefront was their charity of choice, supporting the families of deployed soldiers.

We gave a few dollars and of course, I thought about you know who.


The ex has been taking the girls swimming on the weekends they're with him. He joined a recreation center that has an indoor swimming pool. They enjoy it and I'm glad they're getting in some exercise instead of sitting in front of the TV.

The other night, he was here at the house and said,

"I'm not sure I should be changing clothes in front of the girls anymore."

Rose was used to seeing her daddy naked. We were all in the same house until she was 4 years old. She knows the difference between a penis and a vagina.

Yes, I'm one of "those" moms who teaches the actual biological names for body parts. No "wee wee" or "pee pee" here.

Well, my Grace hasn't really seen such things. She was only 1 when her daddy moved out.

Apparently, while changing at the recreation center last weekend, Grace caught a glimpse of her daddy naked. Then she announced,

"Daddy, your vagina looks like a lollipop."

We were both doubled over in giggles as he told me this story. Of course, ever the big sister, Rose spoke up,

"That's not a vagina. That's a penis!"

Wow. Kids are funny.

They definitely keep me on my toes!


  1. LOL that lollipop story is funny!!

    13 months to set up lights - wowee must have been a sighte!

  2. Hilarious!!! My parents were very casual about nudity and I can remember seeing my Dad naked as old as 11 or 12. They never made a big deal out of it so it wasn't a big deal for us. They didn't flaunt it or anything - it would be if we walked in while they were dressing or if we were all in the bathroom simultaneously (we always had small houses with one shared bathroom and my Dad loved to take long baths - goof!)

  3. I have to giggle at the lollipop vagina. :) Kids say the darndest things.

    I dunno, I think it's good that a little girl learns that some breasts are fake--it kinda sets her up for reality if *she* doesn't get large breasts as she develops--and it's probably better for her esteem to know what women look like *altered* and what they look like naturally.

  4. Kids really do make life interesting, eh?!

    As for the overly lit house, I might enjoy it because I wouldn't have to do ANY decorating in mine! I like the look when it's all done (and I only have lights around one bush in front of my house), but the thought of not having to do all of that....I can dream, can't I?

  5. I just love how kids minds work. What your daughter said is hilarious but also makes perfect sense.

  6. Well maybe you can work out a deal. They put lighs on your house and you show their kids pictures of women with fake boobs. The kids will at least like it.

  7. Aren't their minds just amazing? Em saw her dad naked once by accident and told me, "Mama! Daddy has a TAIL." I about peed I was laughing so hard. :)

    Who the hell spends 13 months putting up that many lights? It's like the Griswold's house in Christmas Vacation!

  8. What great stories, and a lovely title to top it all off!

    Having both a boy and a girl helps with the anatomy issues right off. Funny how my son has already noticed his penis is bigger than his father's...

    a-hem. Ought not play dirty, sorry.

    Feliz Navidad back atcha :) We're shopping for Toys for Tots tonight! And I get to take the monitos out for dinner. What FUN!

    Be well, T.

  9. How do you go from your dad's Playboy to a neighborhood xmas light display in one blog post?! Amszing! I'm still shaking my head... :-)

    When you told your daughter about fake boobs, what were your reasons that some women get them? I have my own opinions dealing with a woman's self esteem. But I'm not a woman, so I can't really say. I'm a big fan of natural.

  10. It took me quite a while to convince my daughter (while in the tub with her little brother) that no....we did NOT need to wash his vagina and just because you and I have one does not mean everyone does.

  11. Ha! That had me laughing out loud!

  12. BWAhahahahah! I am rolling on the floor laughing with the lollipop story! Oh, from the mouths of babes!

  13. Heh, hilarious comment. :)

    Feel free to disregard, but counselors who work with victims of sex abuse strongly suggest healthy privacy boundaries, especially between opposite-gender kid/parent. Being naked around kids certainly educates them about anatomy, but it's also a big contender for one of the most manageable ways to lower a child's susceptibility to being victimized by sex abuse, as well as promiscuity.

    I realize that outspoken & usually undereducated critics of this viewpoint exist in amazing quantities, and I'm not trying to claim that their theories aren't valid. I just wanted to put forth a common theory held by child care professionals. :)

    *Scott throws up his rotten fruit shielding.*

  14. I don't usually comment when I'm reading archives, but this was completely hilarious! The lollipop thing had me cracking up out loud and trying at the same time not to wake my girls. My oldest is six so I can picture this ... LOL!


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