Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Pondering the Orgasm

"An orgasm is like the period at the end of the sentence. I like the verbiage."
-Jenna Jameson

Amen sister.

I watched porn star Jenna Jameson on Wiliam Shatner's Raw Nerve over the weekend.

After watching the interview, I began pondering the differences between the men I've been with sexually... and the way they made love to me.

I've noticed with some men, it seems like getting a woman to achieve orgasm is their only goal. I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm all about a man wanting to please me and help me to reach such a glorious climax. But I agree with Jenna...

Its not only the destination but the journey that I enjoy.

OK, its no secret that a woman likes foreplay. But for me, foreplay could just as easily be a stimulating conversation. A wonderful meal. (To me, food says a lot sexually.) A nice hot bath. A glass of wine will make me putty in your hands. Give me a martini and I will make you putty in my hands. A kiss on the neck. Fingers down my spine. Hands in my hair.

Or... oh my! Tell me what you want to do to me!!! Yes!

Why stop?!? Why go straight for the goods to get me to orgasm?

I can understand the tension building. The desire bubbling. Let's play with that a while.

Shedding clothes can be another wonderful form of foreplay. The anticipation may be growing but let's pause a moment.

Don't you want to savor this time?! Why have it end so quickly?

Soldier once said to me, "You're a woman. You can have multiple orgasms."

Yes, yes I can. But I still like to take things slowly. I like to stop time. Look into the eyes of the person I'm with and breathe with their breath. Feel the vibration of their skin. I will shudder in ecstasy with sensual kisses on my back, my fingers in the mouth of my lover, being on my knees and waiting. All of it... will send me into tiny earthquakes.

Now, these tiny earthquakes are good. Don't think that I'm done yet. Oh no. You'll know when I'm done.

And don't pressure me. That is the worst! You will never get me to orgasm by asking me "Did you come yet?"

Well, I was getting there but now that you mention it...

Let's start slow and let it build.

Did you know that a man can achieve multiple orgasms too?

Let's take this to a whole new level. Let me explore every inch of you and savor you like my favorite chocolate.

Did you know that I can get turned on by turning you on?

I want to enjoy you. I want to be enjoyed.

Tease me. Tantalize me.

Oral sex is good but you can work your way there. Do it because you love it. Do it because you like to see me squirming around, pulling your head into me. Do it because it tastes good to you.

Don't do it because you feel like you have to!

(And ladies, I'm sure they'd say the same thing about us.)

I love what you're doing to me but if you're paying attention, you will find that oral is only one of many ways you can bring me to orgasm. You could just as easily continue along the exploration of tiny earthquakes and find me quivering from the least expected touches and penetration.

Those tiny earthquakes can turn into an all out earth-moving experience for the both of us.

Yes, tiny earthquakes are good but when I orgasm, you'd better hold on or you will be pulling me off the ceiling. I'm loud and I'm strong.

But I still won't be done. We'll just be getting started...


  1. well, well, well woman....

    I love feeling MY woman reach that big "O". It makes me thrilled that I can make her feel that good.
    But ... the love making IS the important part.

  2. Well goddang

    Oral sex is good but you can work your way there. Do it because you love it. Do it because you like to see me squirming around, pulling your head into me. Do it because it tastes good to you

    I could have written this, I would have said "I do it"

    I have heard that about the foreplay starting way early, from the bride, I should take heed huh'??

    The part about her/u pleasing being pleasant to you I struggle with, I dunno why but if I am not pleasing at least simultaneously then it isn't nearly as good to me, I dont really care about getting head but a 69 im all for. I guess its the difference in being a giver or receiver.

    great post

  3. Whoa, T, over the top. You were in your glory when you wrote this one. Bravo.

  4. Ok...oh WHERE to begin?!

    The journey is so very important. Unfortunately, I don't think He would have ever known an orgasm if it had bit him in the butt since I never had one with him--and with his over-the-top cleanliness obsession, would have probably been grossed out by me.

    How sad is that?

    So the social faking was compounded by my faking in bed until I finally decided I can't fake anymore--I need to be true to myself.


    The journey..Sage is right; I could never just go down on anyone because I have to enjoy the trip--I love to lick, I love to travel, and I love to drive my man crazy. I have grown to love 69 although I felt suffocated at first. But the best orgasms I have ever had have been with the man that I feel most emotionally connected to. I'm somehow not afraid to try new things, communicate when something works really well or doesn't work at all, and be true to the entire experience. And he never once pushed me to the orgasm finish line; that was a journey both greatly enjoyed.

    Great post--what a Wednesday ponderance. (sigh)...

    Be well, T.

  5. I guess Dadshouse was right the other day; you ARE gettin some! Great post and well said. More men need to know this.

  6. Oral sex is great. Some men do it because we love it. And the thing about multiple orgasms - it's all about raising sexual energy through the chakras. If food or talk gets you started, great! But to take the energy all the way to the crown... now that's a fun journey.

  7. What's my man doing in here before me :) Yes, I agree. Why rush the orgasm? and yes men CAN have multiple orgasms too, even better when we are doing it together, out of love.

  8. I just saw the same show too! Turned out to be much better than expected. I have a newfound respect for the girl.

  9. I think men are goal oriented and if they don't learn to enjoy the trip they miss half the fun.

    In my experience while most women can have multiple orgasms most are good with just one solid one. Still amazed by this, but hey I'm a guy.

  10. T, You just got me thinking about how with sex as with everything, if we focus too much on the destination we lose sight of the beauty along the journey.

    thanks for this inspired and liberating post - woohoo!

  11. T,
    I've read - but never commented. You certainly gave me something to think about. Even though I am a woman - I tend to be all about "getting there". I like all the kissing and touching and stuff ...but I probably rush it. This is a good reminder to slow down.

  12. I've never liked the word "foreplay." It sounds clinical - and required. Like an obligatory step.

    That said, I used to be with one of those people for whom "O" was his primary goal. No! It wasn't! Getting me prepared (so to speak) for him was the goal. first: kiss face. Second: kiss chest. Third: lower.

    Every. single. time.

    I think he hid his chart in the closet until he learned it by heart.

  13. Thank you for this post. I still can't believe how many men do NOT get it.
    I wish every man would read this. Please!! It's funny as the best lovers, do not have to be the most technically talented. But if they know how to be slow, teasing, sensual, they will get woman to orgasm without a doubt . . .

  14. The focus on orgasms is tough for me to get through. I used to deal with it a lot, but then I married someone who's never experienced an orgasm, so I got the delightful chance to refine my opinions heavily.

    I discovered that men can experience multiple orgasms in the back seat of my car with a young lady that eventually became my first wife. It very nearly killed me. *glance at my junk* These things oughtta come with a warning label.

    Not all women like foreplay, I'm amazed to claim. I'm generally really big on foreplay, but my current girlfriend usually responds much more positively to some warm-up cuddling and then concentrated clitoral attention. She's not easily orgasmic, which makes us wonderfully sexually compatible. It also means that learning her preferred routes to orgasm is a great idea that saves us both a lot of frustration. Often we're not making love with orgasm as a goal, which is different. But it's often nice for one or both of us to get there, at which point it pays to be aware of a partner's preferences.

    I'm with whomever posted about simultaneous being better than multiple. That's something my gf and I have been working on perfecting. It's mostly about aligning our timing & rate of progression. We've nailed it once or twice, and gotten tremblingly close quite a few times. And the best part is - we win regardless of close to the mark we are. Whether she tries to grab another dimension with her toes just before or after I do, it's still a pretty mindbending experience for us both.

    I've also sounded her out on keeping an ice cube or a well-chilled dildo near the bedside and seeing if I can slide said freezy-thing inside just as she's a gasp away from the pinnacle. So far she's got the emphatic "NO" going on, with the wide-eyed "don't fuck with me on this" look that assures me that she at least believes she's lethally serious. But I remain convinced that there's undiscovered fun in this idea and as long as I don't act too quickly and spoil things, I'm sure she'd eventually forgive me.

    And good lord, can you even imagine the quality (not to mention volume) of the gasp that I could evoke? Drapes could be ripped from windows. Nearby low-flying aircraft may have to compensate. Her apartment is next-door to a church; people could find God just from the force of the energy that's released. It's really my civic duty to at least make an attempt.

    *sigh* But her eyes are so serious when she says NO. She just might kill me. But oh, what a way to go out.

    > I guess its the difference in being a giver or receiver.

    Another viewpoint that makes my inner contrar scream "NO!" :)

    So many people describe themselves with one or the other label, and it seems very much that their behavior becomes more strongly aligned with each pronouncement.

    It's so very possible to focus just as intently on both giving and receiving, simultaneously. I'm even bold enough to claim that the best pinnacles of pleasure and intimate bonding cannot be reached any other way. It's very clear that natural inclination as well as past experience tend to channel us into one of these two routes, or at least to teach us that we can only focus effectively on one route at a time. But if we learn to multitask well in a single area... sex should be it, IMO. My advice is to push these particulary boundaries rather than embracing 'em.

    > But if they know how to be slow, teasing, sensual, they will get woman to orgasm without a doubt . . .

    We've apparently dated different versions of wimmen. :)

    Slow & attentive is definitely the best way for a large percentage of females, as well as for some guys. I way prefer a slow touch to a wild & crazy fuckin', myself. I did all the wild & crazy fuckin' I needed to do prior to turning 30. It's pretty empty now, at least when compared to the alternatives I've discovered and continue to discover.

    But some gals prefer a dedicated focus on making the ceiling melt ASAP. Fiddlin' around exasperates them. They're downright dudeic in their single-minded focus on the end goal. Who's to say they're wrong? Adapting a partner is best done by first finding what they want and then working on nudging toward what you think they might like more, at least from what I've learned in way too many years spent in obsessive study of human intimacy and female anatomy - two subjects which happen to go well together.

    Sorry if my elitism & condescension bled through. :( I've made vast strides but these are still big challenges for me, 'specially when talking about things that I've spent so much of my life being ridiculously proud of. I know; it truly is pathetic in more ways than one.

  15. Wonderful and yes: tiny little earthquakes is what we all desire. We all should be so lucky to be educated in communication: verbally and non-verbally. For the best seduction is in the real of the erotic: of creating and sustaining a mounting sense of anticipation. The best seduction is like burlesque: it's about the slow reveal.

    ...Women just as much as men are guilty of being horrible lovers. Being the grand metaphor for examining the human condition - it is no surprise that sexuality is sophisticated. It bears an eduction before mastery.

    Come visit my site to read about my travails in that place where supreme eroticism reigns: that intersection where love and lust meet.

  16. Thanks for the link to this post. A great read. Something guys need to be reminded of.

  17. happened across your blog....the title 'pondering the orgasm' caught my eye...your post could have been written by me....it was like I was reading something I'd written...haven't written in my journal in a while and now I realize how much I miss it....bookmarking you...

    New fan....Deb in SC


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