Sunday, January 18, 2009
Would you go out on a second date with this guy?
I had a 12-hour-first date with a man we'll call Trainer.
I met this man at the gym at least 4 times before meeting him once again at a Christmas party last year. Here's a description of our meeting from that Christmas party:
Within the first 20 minutes of being there, we had run into an acquaintance from the gym. I've met this guy many times and for some reason, he never remembers me. Suddenly, we're in conversation and my girlfriend starts to hint that I'm single and he's single... So I cut to the chase and asked him out. He said yes. Wow. Not bad for the first 1/2 hour.
After this meeting, I was distracted by yet another handsome man and never followed through on my planned date. Oops!
Fast forward a year and he finds me again on a social networking site. Apparently, he remembered me after all.
So we finally went out on that first date, an entire year later, to a casual restaurant for lunch.
The lunch went well. I'd forgotten how handsome he was. He's a personal trainer at the gym, in obviously great shape and is very passionate about the science of exercise. Our topics centered around nutrition, lifestyle and my plans for a triathlon in June. The conversation flowed easily.
We decided to head outside and walk around amongst the outdoor shops. It was a particularly breezy yet sunny day. My hair was flying recklessly in my face and he, joking around already, opened his overshirt to block the wind. I could have easily tied a string to him and flew him as a kite! The wind was relentless!!
I enjoy when I can find instant comfort with someone. Trainer and I were already picking on each other and nudging shoulders the way old friends do. I thought the date was going very well so when he suggested, as we walked past the theater, that we stop to see a movie, I was thrilled.
I noticed Trainer looking at me several times during the movie. He seemed to be smiling at my consistent giggles at the funny movie. He even leaned over to me and asked if I was enjoying myself. How could I not be?!
It was during the movie that I invited him to join myself, my family and a few friends for a birthday dinner at a restaurant nearby. He accepted the invitation.
After the movie we talked more about relationships and life. He had been married once before and seemed especially irritated with his history with women. He was curious about my relationship with the ex. I didn't realize this would be such a fascinating topic to potential suitors. He seemed even more perplexed than Soldier did. He finally admitted that relationships are difficult to explain to others, as they only make sense to the people involved. Yes, exactly.
I noticed a few times during our time together that he seemed especially shy, nervous or insecure around me. I am, as if you couldn't tell, a very forward girl. I am honest and upfront even upon initially meeting me. I can't really help it and though some friends have warned me otherwise, why should I try to be anything other than myself with someone? I would rather know that they can handle me than to pretend and reveal it later. We both even joked that he would definitely need to decide whether or not he could handle my forwardness, if we were to continue dating.
Dinner with my family and friends led to drinking. I'm not sure that Trainer could handle his martinis quite the way I could. My friends remarked that Trainer was definitely into me and departed quickly after dinner, assuming we'd be heading back to my place. The two of us opted instead to see another movie.
During the movie, Trainer was especially affectionate. I melted as he massaged my arms and hands. He was concerned about my comfort, as I get a little stiff sitting in those not-quite-comfortable movie seats. He rubbed my back. He'd made comments during dinner about kissing me and I was excited, looking forward to at least a nice kiss from this really sweet guy.
After the movie, we braved the chilly, windy night and made our way back to my car. I drove him to his own car and we talked casually, trying to get warm. Then he said, "Ok, see ya later."
What the ... ?! No hug or anything?!?
So, being the forward girl I am, I said, "I thought you were going to kiss me?"
He took my face roughly in his hands, kissed me hard. Not passionately, no. But like, well, my brother would kiss me.
Perplexed, I said goodbye and drove away. I wasn't even out of the parking lot and he called me on my cell phone. I'm not sure why he called me, exactly. He made small talk with me on the phone as I drove home.
Except for a brief note on Facebook the next day, I didn't hear from him for over 2 weeks. Granted, it was the holidays and I was out of town. He did say he had been ill.
Then out of the blue, he left me a message last week and asked for a second date. When I called him back, the phone call was very awkward, much like the end of our date. He almost seemed like I was the one asking him out. There were lots of deafening silences and weird changes in the conversation. It was very frustrating trying to talk to him.
The girlfriend who introduced us last year at the Christmas party is now telling me that he might be a bit broken. Haven't I said I'm done with broken men?
So now I pose the question:
Based on this first date and our contact since then, would you go out on a second date with him?