Sunday, February 22, 2009

"Back in the day" isn't so far away...

Like, um, TOTALLY!

I went out with some girlfriends this past weekend to see an 80's music cover band. We had an ABSOLUTE blast!

I had to dress the part, as I've been known to do, so I went on a mad search to find my 80's Duran Duran Rio shirt. (And yes, I crimped my hair too!)

As I dug through the as-yet-to-be-unpacked boxes in the garage, I hit the motherlode!

Letters and journals from my senior year of high school and the year following.

Oh they took me back!!!

Many of my friends left for the National Guard's basic training right after graduation or went off to college. I had so many wonderful letters from the sweet guy friends in my life - many of whom are still in my life today!

As I read through them, I wondered if I knew how blessed I was to have so much love in my life.

The most interesting find was the note that Soldier wrote in my journal, right before we graduated high school. He was chiding me that I'd had a boyfriend (who was actually my friend J) and wouldn't date him when he initially asked me out. The most prophetic part of his note said:

"Someday, you'll grow out of those guys and you'll say, 'Gee, (Soldier) was right.'"

I had to giggle at that. That's just too weird....

---

In the past week or so, I have realized that I like myself better when I'm in a relationship.

In comparing myself as a single person and a person who was married or in a relationship, I can see vast differences.

I feel happier in life when I'm loyal and devoted to one person. I feel more stable, emotionally and mentally, when I'm in a solid, loving relationship. I enjoy exploring the depths of love and sex with someone in a monogamous relationship rather than sharing it with lots of different people.

Recalling my high school days confirmed that realization for me.

I was never really in a relationship in high school. I didn't have boyfriends.

OK, J was my friend and a mad crush but we weren't exactly "in a relationship".

I had 5 guys who were my best friends. I was infatuated with many boys who didn't know I existed. I was an emotional roller coaster and always wishing I could have a boyfriend... and it seemed like everyone else did.

I'm feeling much that same way now.

I feel that same roller coaster of emotions. I feel that same sense of "why can't I have a boyfriend?" (which sounds pathetic at age 39)

But looking over those letters from high school made me realize that I still have lots of love like that in my life.


I am at least more aware of it now than I was then. Aren't I?

I've mentioned this theory about myself to many people I know. Everyone seems to be in agreement that most of us feel more stable emotionally and mentally when we're in a solid, loving relationship.

Perhaps many of us are all a little bit co-dependent and need each other after all.


And you know what? Instead of thinking that being this way is a very bad thing that must change, I am working on accepting this about myself.

So what if I feel like I'm a better person when I have a loving companion in my life?!

Or as my gal friend Gem tells me, "T, you just love LOVE!"

That is who I am.

Its only taken me 20 odd years to realize this about myself. I'm not going to let it be a limitation but a simple observation.

Awareness is a door that opens us up to acceptance.

And I believe that acceptance creates miracles.

---


"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely."
~Carl Gustav Jung


"Happiness can exist only in acceptance."
~Denis De Rougamont

18 comments:

  1. It's good that you had a chance to wear those smokin' pants, lol!

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  2. haaaaaaa
    that pic is awesomeeeeeeeeeee
    I wanna see those britches on you from behind!!

    very cool.

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  3. Being of the 80's myself, I did appreciate the times. You look great in the outfit, by the way.
    Speaking of outfits, Do women still wear danskin tops and dolfin shorts?

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  4. Holy hot pants batman!

    What a great find, all those l letters and journals. When I was packing to move, I found all of Stryker's letter and cards I sent him when he was deployed the first time, and I sat and read nearly every one. Procrastination, maybe, but it was neat to go back.

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  5. Maybe interdependent instead of codependent? I definitely feel better when I can focus on one partner. Anyway, you look super hot in that outfit!

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  6. Her name is Rio...! Love the pic.

    I'm going through similar things right now (synchronicity is a strange thing) - I feel the need for a partner, and know I feel better with a partner in my life. Men and women weren't meant to be together.

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  7. Bah! Love the pic! Love the 80's.

    We were created for relationship. It is our very nature to be coupled up and when the other half is not present, it makes sense that we feel a bit like a fish out of water (I completely do). I'm not sure how or why it became 'wrong' to feel a deep longing and desire to be with someone. Its what our hearts were created for. Allow yourself the luxury of feeling this way. It took me FOREVER to get to this place, but it feels so much better allowing myself the feeling rather than trying to talk myself out of it, rationalizing it, or justifying its existence. It IS, because it is supposed to be. :O)

    Hugs!
    ~N

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  8. Hot. Hot. Hot.

    Need I say more?

    Not a day passes when I don't mention you out loud, or think about you and smile.

    You truly love to LOVE. And don't let anyone change that....

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  9. Funny how we're all looking at the pants, hehe.

    You're probably more happy with yourself in a relationship and the face looking back in the mirror just beams. Who wouldn't like that?

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  10. Love the pic.

    Love the 80's.

    Love your honesty!!

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  11. Great pic! I love that you dressed the part for the 80's outing! What a fun night.

    The rest I can relate to well, and love that fist quote at the end. We do have to be brave to become self aware.

    And what's up with Dadshouse? Men and women don't belong together? Wha? I think BOTH sexes are happier in a relationship than not.

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  12. I'm fairly certain from Dadshouse's comment that he meant to say men and women were meant to be together.

    And I like the term interdependence versus codependence.

    Thanks for the compliments on the pants. They're so much fun to wear!

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  13. LOL. Great retro look. I started to say boy you didn't change in all these years then I read the blog.

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  14. Love the outfit and the realization and acceptance that you expressed.
    I too love "love". I love being in a relationship, it does feel wonderful and in many ways purposeful. I also know that any relationship I am in does not define me to the point where I could not be me without a "her" in my life. It is great to know who we are and to accept what we do enjoy in life. The key is to pin our happiness or unhappiness on the external.

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  15. The picture was just taken this past Friday night. And funny, I would have never had the confidence to dress like that back in 1985!

    Though I did pull off a killer Madonna outfit! Ah... good times.

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  16. I did a double-take when I saw the picture. You look very familiar to me and I can't put my finger on it. Of course, I never really noticed it until this picture.

    Which probably means I'm having some sort of 80's flashback but there you have it.

    Wait! I think I just hit on it. Oddly enough, I think you'd make a good Loni Anderson if you had a big blonde wig on.

    I hope that wasn't insulting. I'm known for being clumsily insulting.

    D'oh!
    -R.

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  17. Speechless at the hotness that is YOU, T! Damn. :)
    I can completely relate to that feeling of stability in a relationship......every damn day I set an intention to feel connected and in balance whether or not there is a man in the picture. It's not the easiest thing to practice.

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