Like, um, TOTALLY!
I went out with some girlfriends this past weekend to see an 80's music cover band. We had an ABSOLUTE blast!
I had to dress the part, as I've been known to do, so I went on a mad search to find my 80's Duran Duran Rio shirt. (And yes, I crimped my hair too!)
As I dug through the as-yet-to-be-unpacked boxes in the garage, I hit the motherlode!
Letters and journals from my senior year of high school and the year following.
Oh they took me back!!!
Many of my friends left for the National Guard's basic training right after graduation or went off to college. I had so many wonderful letters from the sweet guy friends in my life - many of whom are still in my life today!
As I read through them, I wondered if I knew how blessed I was to have so much love in my life.
The most interesting find was the note that Soldier wrote in my journal, right before we graduated high school. He was chiding me that I'd had a boyfriend (who was actually my friend J) and wouldn't date him when he initially asked me out. The most prophetic part of his note said:
"Someday, you'll grow out of those guys and you'll say, 'Gee, (Soldier) was right.'"
I had to giggle at that. That's just too weird....
In the past week or so, I have realized that I like myself better when I'm in a relationship.
In comparing myself as a single person and a person who was married or in a relationship, I can see vast differences.
I feel happier in life when I'm loyal and devoted to one person. I feel more stable, emotionally and mentally, when I'm in a solid, loving relationship. I enjoy exploring the depths of love and sex with someone in a monogamous relationship rather than sharing it with lots of different people.
Recalling my high school days confirmed that realization for me.
I was never really in a relationship in high school. I didn't have boyfriends.
OK, J was my friend and a mad crush but we weren't exactly "in a relationship".
I had 5 guys who were my best friends. I was infatuated with many boys who didn't know I existed. I was an emotional roller coaster and always wishing I could have a boyfriend... and it seemed like everyone else did.
I'm feeling much that same way now.
I feel that same roller coaster of emotions. I feel that same sense of "why can't I have a boyfriend?" (which sounds pathetic at age 39)
But looking over those letters from high school made me realize that I still have lots of love like that in my life.
I am at least more aware of it now than I was then. Aren't I?
I've mentioned this theory about myself to many people I know. Everyone seems to be in agreement that most of us feel more stable emotionally and mentally when we're in a solid, loving relationship.
Perhaps many of us are all a little bit co-dependent and need each other after all.
And you know what? Instead of thinking that being this way is a very bad thing that must change, I am working on accepting this about myself.
So what if I feel like I'm a better person when I have a loving companion in my life?!
Or as my gal friend Gem tells me, "T, you just love LOVE!"
That is who I am.
Its only taken me 20 odd years to realize this about myself. I'm not going to let it be a limitation but a simple observation.
Awareness is a door that opens us up to acceptance.
And I believe that acceptance creates miracles.
"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely."
~Carl Gustav Jung
"Happiness can exist only in acceptance."
~Denis De Rougamont