Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dating woes, plans and being adored


My feelings over the past week or so have swayed from peaceful to hopeful to downhearted and desolate to hopeful and accepting again.


But I'm also doing my best to accept myself however I'm feeling. I'm starting to notice the impermanence of these feelings so I'm not clinging too tightly to any of them.

Besides, I suppose this is normal since I still don't know what the hell is going on in my love life.
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I have gone out with a few guys that I met online.

One was completely enthralled with my spirituality. We talked on the phone and in person... only about spirituality.

He never asked a single question about anything but my spirituality.

Then he sent me an enthusiastic email the next day saying I was so "enlightened" and that we should go out again!!!

Since then I've received one text... on Valentine's day... wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day.

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I went out with another guy but there were no sparks.

I was nearly bored during our lunch date until he began asking about the TV shows my daughters watched with me.

Him: My son just really enjoys the old TV show, Leave it to Beaver.

T: Yeah? That's a good wholesome family show.

Him: Oh yes it is! I record it and when I have my son, we watch a few episodes together before bed. *sigh* Yep, he just LOVES the Beaver!!



I... couldn't.... resist...



Wait for it....





T: *smiles* Yeah, most boys do love the beaver.

It actually took him a few seconds before he realized what I'd said. Forget it, from then on the conversation was nothing but sex. He wanted to know everything I'd ever done sexually.

(Heh. I said "but sex".)

And yes, maybe I was acting out. (who me?) I was bored.

He texted me last week (two weeks after our lunch date) asking me to a movie over the weekend.

WTF?! What happened to picking up the phone?

I ignored his text until mid-day Saturday and then I texted that I already had plans.

--

I have a few more prospects lining up online. We'll see.

I also have a blind date planned with a friend of one of my fellow A Course in Miracles students. We're double dating so there won't be too much pressure. She's convinced that I will love him. I'm looking forward to that.

It would just be nice to have someone be interested in all facets of me, not just one side. I am so much more than spiritual or sexual.

---

I spent time last weekend with a wonderful old friend. And I had a really sweet conversation last week with Pickle Boy.

After talking with those two men, the realization occurred to me....

I know exactly how I choose to be treated by my next special someone.

I choose to be adored.

It may sound like a lot to ask for but seriously... most of the people in my life adore me. Even my ex-husband treats me with love, compassion and adoration.

Why shouldn't I receive the same treatment from my next companion?!

Over the weekend, my friend sat with me, listened to me, gave me his complete attention, held me, stared into my eyes and said to me, "You know that I love you and would do anything in the world for you, right?"

On the phone with PB last week, I was confiding about my dating woes. My sweet Pickle said to me, "T, you are an amazing woman and I can't imagine you would have any trouble at all in finding someone that sees just how amazing you are. I love talking to you. It's so refreshing! You are awesome."

I am already blessed with much love and adoration from friends and family in my life.

I choose the same adoration from a kind, gentle, open-hearted special someone.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

Because that is exactly what I would offer as well.

We only get what we give away...

13 comments:

  1. I agree with Pickle man.

    The right guy will someday find what he has always sought, what he has been missing, you.

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  2. You absolutely deserve to be adored...by someone other than your blog-pals, although we rock, too. ;)

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  3. Sometimes I, too, wonder if any man will 'get' me in terms of my multi-dimensionalism (there's a mouthful, not even sure if it's a word:). But do you get what I'm saying? And when I think of a longterm partner, I'm terrifed as to what he will mirror in me and NOT mirror in me ...I want to make sure that whoever he is, I don't give him the power to stomp my other 'aspects.' Cause that's what I did when I was married!

    Delaine

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  4. Someone will soooo 'get' you, and your wonderment. Is that a word? It is now.

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  5. Isn't that what we ALL want? I know I do. I hope we both find that guy, or rather, he finds us! (Two different men of course) ;)

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  6. I always tell the men I'm dating, "I would never ask you for something I couldn't or wouldn't give in return." I stand by that too. So yeah, I get ya darlin.

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  7. Being adored is overrated. I go for the one I know cares about me more than he cares about anyone in the world.... including himself.

    I've got plenty of admirers but they are rarely, if ever, there when I need someone. And before I met this man, the only man who was ALWAYS there for me was my father. And I met my man when I was 44 years old.

    They have to be very special men to have very special women like us. And special men (as is the case with special women) are NOT easy to find. Just make sure you are enjoying the journey! :)

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  8. I think you deserve someone who vibrates on the same high frequency that you do. If someone adores your spirituality, it might be because they see you as a teacher, and not as an equal. I personally am looking for an equal partner, but everyone is different.

    As for adoration - I know so many woman want to be adored. But isn't that setting up the relationship for failure? I don't know that any man can adore a woman 24/7 for eternity. There will be tough times. Richer and pooer. Better and worse. Adoration and indifference.

    How about someone who loves you without condition? Then when times are tough, and you don't feel adored, the love is still there. Gratitude is a good one also. My first post-divorce girlfriend is someone I adored, but I also got frustrated with. Looking back, I realize all our time together was precious, and I didn't show my gratitude nearly enough.

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  9. Hmmm... these comments are interesting. I'm exploring all of these relationship ideas. I guess I will learn more when the next one comes along!

    Thanks for contributing to the discussion!

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  10. Oh...to be adored... :O) It, too, is truly what I dream of. :)

    ~N

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  11. With my recent heartbreak, T, I'm with you. I need nothing but to be absolutely adored. Adored and respected and loved unconditionally.

    Sometimes I think that might be to much to ask. :(

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  12. You know, I agree with DadsHouse, T. He hits the nail on the head.

    And doesn't it take time to become adored? It really isn't something that grows over time? If a guy adored me from date 1 or 3 or even 5 might make me consider a restraining order. You need to step back and let things happen. Relax. Don't expect too much too soon.

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  13. I love this post. And particularly the following:
    "It would just be nice to have someone be interested in all facets of me, not just one side. I am so much more than spiritual or sexual."
    and
    "We only get what we give away..."
    I find it so interesting that different people view people in different ways, and notice only one dimension. You don't only deserve someone who adores you, but someone that truly moves you and inspires you.

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