Monday, February 16, 2009

Manslating a soldier

For those Jeff Mac fans out there, you may have already noticed that today's Manslation was about my soldier quandary.

For those of you wondering, "who in the hell is Jeff Mac?", you've been missing out on a hilarious male stand-up comic's point of view about romantic relationships, dating and understanding men.

Go check out my personal Manslation. I'll wait.


Ok, you're back?

If you've been reading here long, you're familiar (and probably sick of hearing about) that story. I sent in the Manslation request shortly after the conversation with Soldier that left me wondering what to do next.

I can't thank Jeff enough mostly for being a soft-hearted and hopeful romantic, like myself. I'm happy with his take on things, of course, because he only validated what I was thinking. (Funny how that validation thing works, eh?)

I love Jeff's honest, no nonsense approach. I have agreed with him on just about every situation he "manslates". I've also learned quite a bit about what to look out for in relationships with men.

I respect his opinion.

He's also just released a book based on his Manslations and his experience being a... ya know... man.

Check out his book on his website or


So here I am in this space of "I don't know."

I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know what I am going to do.

"I don't know" are the most powerful words I've ever learned. "I don't know" means,

"I surrender to what is and I'm malleable enough to accept what is to come."

That said, I have realized that I am ready for what I truly desire.

I didn't know what that was until the past week or so. For months, I've gone back and forth between "I'm gonna stay single and just have reliable fuck buddy." and "I really want a true relationship with someone."

I'm now leaning more and more towards the relationship.

I find that I like myself more in a relationship. I feel more comfortable there, being loyal and loving to one person in particular.

I am willing and ready.

Is Soldier?

I don't know.

In this space of "I don't know", I feel as if I am mourning. I feel as if I'm saying "no" to that so that I can say "yes" to love.

Is that the right answer?

I don't know.

God help me to find power in my surrender. I'm tired of mourning. I absolutely give up.


  1. Sweet woman. If I have learned anything it's that everything changes. This will, too. Either your mourning will ease or something will change with your relationship with soldier... but there will be a shift somewhere somehow, and it won't feel like this forever. (If this sounds rehearsed it's because it is - it's my personal pep talk) ;-)

  2. I am glad that you are coming to terms with your feelings and situation.

    Now I will only tell you this ONE MORE TIME!

    Just be happy, run your life, have friends, be social...and HE will find you! If you make a decision, and go after are forcing something that should just come naturally. You know the saying about forcing a square through a round hole...

    Stay tough woman!!!

  3. "I don't know" is a good place to be. This is a place where you are open to what is coming. Remain open, you sound like you know what you want. The key is to not settle. Hugs.

  4. I like his advice too. And living in the question, or being comfortable with not knowing, is a powerful place to be. Mostly because if a person thinks they know the answer, generally they are setting themselves up for a fall (personal experience speaking here!) Hoping for the best for you!

  5. Oh, girl, I know. I know, I know, I know. I know the "I don't know" and the feeling of mourning. I know that stage of wanting either the physical stuff or the great conversation, or a keeper relationship--but not the in-between crap. I know the feeling of, What if I give up what COULD be something so great if only he would (fill in the blank).

    Yes. I know, T. And My Single Mom Life has suggested that maybe us three should have our own support group. We can call it "Women Who Can't Let Go". LOL How's that sound? ;)

  6. I could join that club too!

    As for you T, I think you know what your heart wants, but Jeff had some really good advice. I would follow that first, especially the part about making sure Soldier understands how he hurt you in the past. If he doesn't get that the probability of it happening again is high.

    Good luck sweetie!

  7. The dreaded 'I don't know'. For a girl who has a need to know EVERYTHING...this is so much agonizing uncertainty here. I know the frustration of this just not knowing, but wishing and hoping and praying for a sunbeam to shine through it all.

    I have a post brewing about 'hope' that I will post soon.


  8. I left a long comment on Manslations. Here's the tail end:

    My advice: don't give him a chance. Make him earn it. If he's a man who is really that into you, he will chase you down and prove himself worthy. If not, you will have already moved on.


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