For those Jeff Mac fans out there, you may have already noticed that today's Manslation was about my soldier quandary.
For those of you wondering, "who in the hell is Jeff Mac?", you've been missing out on a hilarious male stand-up comic's point of view about romantic relationships, dating and understanding men.
Go check out my personal Manslation. I'll wait.
Ok, you're back?
If you've been reading here long, you're familiar (and probably sick of hearing about) that story. I sent in the Manslation request shortly after the conversation with Soldier that left me wondering what to do next.
I can't thank Jeff enough mostly for being a soft-hearted and hopeful romantic, like myself. I'm happy with his take on things, of course, because he only validated what I was thinking. (Funny how that validation thing works, eh?)
I love Jeff's honest, no nonsense approach. I have agreed with him on just about every situation he "manslates". I've also learned quite a bit about what to look out for in relationships with men.
I respect his opinion.
He's also just released a book based on his Manslations and his experience being a... ya know... man.
Check out his book on his website or Amazon.com.
So here I am in this space of "I don't know."
I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know what I am going to do.
"I don't know" are the most powerful words I've ever learned. "I don't know" means,
"I surrender to what is and I'm malleable enough to accept what is to come."
That said, I have realized that I am ready for what I truly desire.
I didn't know what that was until the past week or so. For months, I've gone back and forth between "I'm gonna stay single and just have reliable fuck buddy." and "I really want a true relationship with someone."
I'm now leaning more and more towards the relationship.
I find that I like myself more in a relationship. I feel more comfortable there, being loyal and loving to one person in particular.
I am willing and ready.
I don't know.
In this space of "I don't know", I feel as if I am mourning. I feel as if I'm saying "no" to that so that I can say "yes" to love.
Is that the right answer?
I don't know.
God help me to find power in my surrender. I'm tired of mourning. I absolutely give up.