Thursday, February 12, 2009

Meeting you where you are

One of the things I love about yoga is a phrase that my best friend/yoga teacher uses quite a bit: Yoga meets you where you are.

What this means is that you needn't force yourself into bending like a pretzel. Honor your body where it is now and over time, you will begin to see results.

My friend D said the same thing about A Course in Miracles... it meets you where you are.

No matter what your spiritual or religious views are, you can always find something that you will relate to in the Course and over time, you will find that you've uncovered more of Who You Really Are. In doing that, you smile more. You stop taking life so damn seriously. (I can get there. Sometimes.)

Funny, in the past week or so, and with all the mess with Soldier and my trying to force it to be what I want it to be, I've realized:

Love meets you where you are too.

I've read so much in the past year on how to attract my soulmate into my life, how to communicate with and understand men, how to move on from a broken relationship, how to avoid broken men, how to be the perfect woman for any man... its terribly exhausting to try to be any of these things if they are not who I am.

Don't get me wrong, each of those things has helped me in some way to understand a bit more what motivates me. I am actually more aware of my relationship habits than I was previous to reading all of that self-help advice. I still go back to many of them just as a quick pick-me-up when I'm feeling especially lost in my feelings of loneliness.

But no matter what you know, you cannot pretend to be anything other than who you are.

Well, ok, you can try but you won't be honest with yourself nor the person you are trying to impress.

Believe me, I know from experience that trying to impress, does not look very impressive at all.

People will be attracted to you if you are comfortable with who you are. Either this person will fit that picture of you... or they won't. You can't force it to be anything other than what it is.

I don't have to try to be what Soldier may need right now, which is typically what I do when I want someone to like me. I did all of that during his weekend home on leave and you see where that got me!

I've now come to realize that in order for a real relationship to work, it has to be easy. It has to fit, like a perfect puzzle piece. It has to meet me, and accept me, right where I am right now.

And I have to offer that same acceptance to myself.

**After some comments I've realized it sounds like I'm saying that relationships should be easy. Neither yoga, spirituality nor relationships are easy, but they should not be painful. They will be challenging, in order for growth. But pain? Pain means you've pushed too far and you are not honoring who you are.**

When love does fit, it defies all plans, all logic, all choices that we made prior.

Both of you have to be in that same space, recognizing that light in each other. It cannot happen with only one or it does not happen at all.

In recognizing that light, in seeing each other beyond form, true love really shines. Our combined light, shared, can be as blinding as the brightest star.

Shine brightly, my friends. Even if it seems that no one is noticing.

Someone will.


  1. When I did yoga I was amazed at how one week I could do the poses and the next week it took all my energy just to stand still!

    My instructor explained that it is because of what has happened in the week!!

    It is usually that someone unsuspecting that notices and it takes a while to realise that you are noticing them too!

    Sometimes I think you write posts just for me :)

  2. I can assure you that the best tact is always to be you.

    Old man advice once was "start out like you can hold out"

    hasn't failed me yet.

    good post.

  3. Great post, T. Just what I needed, yet again, today.

    I haven't much more to comment; you so eloquently state everything already. Thank you!!

    Be well, T. Happy 13th!

    (my word verification was "bleat". How funny is that?

  4. Great post. You said it all so well I have nothing to add.

    Thank you and shine on, T!

  5. I believe that every person we allow into our lives, is there to give us a message. The trick is to look beyond the superficial, to seek and receive that message.

    Excellent article.
    ~Best Wishes~

  6. Oh my goodness, T, what a spectacular post. Yes! It's when we deny parts of ourselves that we attract the very people and circumstances that will force us to look at those unloved/unwanted parts of ourselves. It's always when I surrender completely that the best things happen. Love how you talked about how relationships should be easy. They should! Doesn't mean that there's no energy involved, but it doesn't have to be that dance of drama and control. It can just be a dance because dancing feels delightful and there is nothing to prove. Beautiful.

  7. Shine on, my friends... Weren't you a writer for the McCain campaign?? I myself suffered through lots of difficult attempts at relationships when I was unhappy with myself & was trying to "be something" for someone else. My only true happiness has come when I realized the worth that God placed in me, then my soulmate fell into my life.

  8. Nice one, T. And as you know, I totally agree. There's just no upside to pretending to be someone else. (Well, not unless you actually enjoy 100% constant stress. In that case, sure, have at it.)

  9. In "It's a Beautiful Day", U2 sings: What you don't have you don't need it now
    What you don't know you can feel it somehow

    I love that sentiment!

  10. OK, I have officially developed a girl crush on you, T!

    Your post was the perfect message I needed today. I don't know how you do it...


  11. Whether it's yoga, love, or whatever...the key is definitely to be true to who you are. :)

  12. You have expressed one of the greatest lessons very well. The lesson is that we cannot force anything. Love is or it isn't when it comes to relationships. The more we chase after something, the more we try to conform the more disconnected from self we become and the more disillusioned we become! You have learned much, your wisdom is sharp! You have much to appreciate about yourself! Hugs. Happy V day!

  13. This is really good. The word GRACE comes to mind when meeting us where we are. Grace does that. The challenge is finding those of like mind who accept us exactly where we are...and love us anyway; love us in spite of the imperfect place; love us through it. I believe if we venture toward becoming this person, we will be brought to these people, as well. And we will also help others find their way to it. Unconditional acceptance.

    Hugs and Blessings. :O)

  14. Sounds like you hit the nail on this one. We're our best when we don't try so hard, when we don't push. Stop thinking about what others thinking looking back, just be yourself. Because, if you think about it, people fall in love with us when we are doing that. You attract like moths to the flame when you let your own light shine.

  15. Just interesting...I found my thoughts constantly returning to many ideas in your post over the past two days. I wanted you to know that. Thank you for making me think.

    Be well, T.

  16. This is an excellent post!
    Exactly the kind to make you think!

    :) Thanks for sharing with us!


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