Saturday, February 28, 2009

Saturday evening... and a bit of rum

Its early Saturday evening. The girls are in the other room watching a movie we rented last night. I'm in the kitchen making turkey tacos.

As a late afternoon snack, I made Ghirardelli hot chocolate for the kids and me. They drank theirs with tiny marshmallows and I drank mine with a shot of dark rum.

Its been a while since I've had a good stiff one.

Any kind of stiff one!

So, with a fresh buzz going and taco shells in the oven, I thought I'd blog about the latest with Soldier.

He's been really consistent at staying in touch with me.

Currently, he is on the other side of the country visiting with family and following his Alma Mater college basketball team during March Madness.

I'm wondering if I'm going through my own March Madness... and its just the end of February.

We have plans to go to dinner when he returns to Texas. I can barely believe that when I see him again, it will have been 5 months since I last saw him.

5 months of me doing my damnedest to move forward and get on with dating other people.

Yet when I hear his voice, those 5 months are nothing but a blur of futility.

He emailed me earlier last week to give me a heads up of what the last few games are looking like and when he estimates he will be back in town. I never replied. I know he's not checking email all the time.

Yesterday, I left my cell phone in my office as I talked to several of my co-workers before heading home. When I gathered my things to leave, I saw that he'd called and left a voice mail.

His voice....

I teared up when I heard his voice. I haven't spoken to him via phone since he's been with his family. Hearing his voice yesterday... he's starting to sound like his old self again.

Kind.

Considerate.

Open.

I'm doing my best to keep my wits about me. I'm trying my hardest not to project any sort of imagined fantasy of what it will be like when we see each other again.

But when he says things like "I hope to see you soon" and "I'm looking forward to seeing you again..."

Oh how my heart leaps with joy!

I'm trying.... really trying not to get too excited.


Ok, back to reality. Dinner time!

10 comments:

  1. Oh, girlie...Well, it's good to get an update on where you're at with Soldier. And sounds like you're being honest with yourself about how you feel...

    The bottom line, of course, is always more in the actions than the words (re: Soldier) and lasting over time--not just for a few weeks or months. Because something lasting and what you are worthy of will speak louder than words and reverberate across time and space. ;)

    (Maybe I overdid it there.)

    (Oh, and my word verification below is "catiests". Just struck me funny, and I haven't been drinking anything!)

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  2. The heart wants what the heart wants. And a stiff one is always nice too.

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  3. This is so very hard! Almost like that song "When love and hate collide"

    Its the meeting of two very intense emotions!

    I have no words except do what feels right but do it with your eyes wide open this time!

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  4. Someone told me the other day...you can't help who you fall in love with. It's so true, isn't it? I mean, I used to think I was in love with other men in the past... all of THAT...was an illusion. The real deal...love...never...fails. It just won't stop until the hearts finally collide and fulfillment is realized. It won't die because fulfillment just HAS to be realized. In the meanwhile...the dance ebbs and flows... I'm once again in a position of not being able to articulate where I am. Still dancing for sure... Glad we're all in the same room... ;)

    ~N

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  5. mysinglemomlife, you wrote:

    "The real deal...love...never...fails."

    How true that is.

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  6. Well I'm pretty sure I said way back yonder not to quit him completely or rule him out or something like that.

    I hope he is back to his old self!!!
    that'll be awesome. lol@ stiff one
    that tickled me
    go get em!
    good luck on soldier and stiff one!!!

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  7. Come get your award on my blog.

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  8. Am I the only one that's skeptical? Or maybe it's protective.

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  9. QTMama - I'm skeptical too. But that's based on my own experiences. Only T knows what she's been through, and what she wants to go through. And maybe for her, soldier is just right.

    But I'm skeptical, nonetheless... It's too easy to fall back into old patterns.

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