A few years ago, I was busily opening the mail, balancing the checkbook and paying bills. Something seemed off.
We were short $500.
I called my (then) husband, who was working out of town, and asked the question:
"So.... it looks like $500 was taken out of our account at an ATM in Las Vegas. Did your card get stolen?"
"Please tell me your card was stolen..."
Then he fessed up.
"Oh uh... remember when I went there for my company meeting? I pulled that out for gambling. I didn't want to tell you about it because I knew you'd be mad."
This, my friends, was one of many reasons we are not married anymore.
He did this with SO many things and every time I would, of course, find out. How could I NOT find out?!?
The most frustrating part of all was that he would chime back in and say, "See? I knew you'd be mad that I did that."
For years I banged my head in frustration trying to point out that YES, I probably would have been a little upset..... but the fact that you HID it from me or LIED about it..... THAT is why I'm mad now!!!
Apparently, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
My sweet, straight A, honor roll student Rose, has recently come home with three days of bad conduct in a row.
I had no idea. I always assume she has great daily conduct reports. I stopped looking at them weeks ago because they were always positive. She is doing so well, seems happy and her teacher has never contacted me with anything but praise.
Whenever she's had a bad conduct day before (only 1 since school started), we talked about it and I had her skip dessert or TV for the night. Not a harsh punishment, really.
But to see three in a row? Three? And she never mentioned it at all?!?!
I was pretty furious.
T: "Why, Rose, why didn't you tell me you were having bad days?"
R: "Because, Mommy, I didn't want you to be mad at me."
T: "But baby, don't you understand that I'm more mad because you hid it from me? That you didn't tell me about it at all?"
A few minutes and several self-disappointed tears later, I asked her again.
T: "Honey, do you understand why Mommy is upset?"
R: "Yes, because I had bad days at school."
T: "Ok, partially yes but don't hide things from me. That is far worse... much worse than having bad days. We all have bad days. You can tell me anything, baby, just don't hide things or lie to me. Ever."
My head immediately fast forwards 10 years to all sorts of bad things she could potentially hide from me. Ugh. I get nauseous thinking about it.
Dear God, is it me? What am I doing wrong to drive both my ex and my child to do this? I swear I don't freak out that much. It is me, isn't it?
Maybe I expect(ed) too much and they didn't/don't want to disappoint me?
It makes me ill to think that she can't talk to me. She always talks my ear off about her days.
I get sad thinking there will be a day when she won't share her days with me anymore.
Mommyhood is hard.