Friday, May 1, 2009


One of my all-time favorite porn scenes was in the movie Every Woman Has a Fantasy 3.

The main character of the movie, played by the lovely Julie Ashton, is a very sexual and frustrated housewife. She is married to a husband whom she believes doesn’t have the same sexual cravings as she does. So, she’s always fantasizing.

I can relate.

In the scene, Julie is getting her hair done at a salon. While sitting in the salon chair, she begins to imagine that everyone around her in the salon is having sex. I love the scene because just about every sexual act you can imagine gets played out before her eyes.

Sometimes I get lost in my own head and slip into dreamlike fantasy as well...


While at the airport in Germany, I found myself surrounded by soldiers coming home from Iraq.

Call me crazy but something about supporting a soldier through a 15 month deployment made me a little weak in the knees for men in their ACU’s. I can’t even explain how I get teary upon seeing so many soldiers in one place.


Is it the cliché of men in uniform?
I don’t know.

Perhaps the thought of men who are putting their lives on hold or in jeopardy for the sake of our protection?
That could have something to do with it.

Maybe it is because I feel like I never reached the climatic end of a deployment?
I was never able to welcome the soldier home with open arms and… yes, open legs.

I somehow feel as if the deployment I went through was foreplay. And while foreplay is always nice, eventually a climax must be reached or you’re left longing.




I am surrounded by flat topped, broad shouldered, strong legged men in Army combat boots.

They don’t even look toughened to me. I think that is how I would have viewed a soldier years ago.

Not anymore.

No… now I notice the softness in their eyes.

I see the gentleness in their mannerisms.

I want to reach out and hold their hands - the hands that once held weapons - and press their fingers to my face.

I want to throw my arms around them, cry into their shoulders and tell them thank you with every ounce of gratitude that my heart can muster.

I want to press my body to theirs and feel the heart that beats so strongly in defiance to everything they could have possibly witnessed or.… done.

Things that I cannot imagine.

A few of them are making eye contact with me and smiling. One notices how chilly I am on the flight and offers me his blanket. Another flirts shamelessly with me... and leaves it to my imagination whether or not there's someone waiting for him back home.

I know these men have not seen a woman or had sex in months. I can feel their cravings. I can sense their energy. I can smell the testosterone.

I would offer nothing but compassion, love and support to the soldiers with wives and girlfriends who are waiting their return with baited breath. I understand.

But for the others....

In my fantasy, I can imagine the strong thighs pressed against mine. I can sense the calloused hands pulling my hair. I can imagine quickened, rough kisses on my mouth and neck, taking my breath away. I can feel the texture of a head of hair, so recently cut high and tight, before leaving the hardened throngs of war. I can feel long fingers finding their way into my lace underthings that are now wet with longing. I can hear the sighs and breaths in my ear. My legs get weaker.

I can feel them come to full attention for me.

I am a willing participant in a scene with these soldiers... all shaking in anxious impatience to have someone, other than their own hands, relieve the tension built up over days and days of denying themselves.

I will finally relieve the tension in myself... also built up for days, weeks and months.

We would be helping each other. And I could finally see a soldier again and not have to fight back the overly emotional lump in my throat.


Some days, I find myself craving testosterone and the scene from the movie comes to mind.

Sometimes, I imagine my own real life experiences kicked up just a notch as I'm furiously touching myself in the hottest and most private of places.

Would I ever attempt to live this in real life? I can't say yes and I can't say no. There is too much to consider...

But...every woman has a fantasy.


  1. I think you should try to move on from soldier fantasies (fantasies about Soldier) - and try firemen (hot!) or policemen maybe? ;)

    I get it though.

    And welcome home!

  2. Damn girl. You got me all worked up this morning! Hot, hot visual I have happening right now!

    I do love me a man or woman in ACU's

    Have a beautiful weekend.


  3. OK, I don't smoke, but I need a cigarette.

  4. if do please remember the details to relay to us!!

  5. It is good to have fantasies! Now, if you don't mind I have to go take a shower, a cold shower!

  6. You crave testosterone, I crave feminine energy. What's with all the cravings? Where's the fulfillment?!

    Ha. Time to ask the universe to manifest me a woman again!

  7. pffff where is my man in uniform? Six months for me to wait damn it... and after this? seems sooo damn long!! ohhh

  8. Love your blog...could read this post over and over again. I may enlist in the service after reading this!

  9. Is it hot in/down here or is it just me?!

    Nice, T. This is one of the reasons I love you and your blog--because you say what I feel and think but you do it without abandon and SO much more articulately.

    My erotica? It needs work.

    Welcome home, girl. XOX.


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