Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Single. Bisexual. Triathlete.

1)

I've had sex with women.

As a matter of fact, I've had sex with nearly the same amount of women as men.

(Not many of either.)

However, the encounters with women were for fun experiences but not long term relationships.

Does that make me bisexual?

I haven't actively sought out women to have sex with. These women are my friends. And some of them are married. My being with them was something that was discussed and approved before it occurred.

A few of them have told me that, after having sex with me, their married sex lives improved.

I wonder....

Could it be that we forget our sexiness when we're married?

Maybe they felt more comfortable exploring their sexuality because they are already in the security of a heterosexual relationship?

Perhaps the experience with me allowed them to feel sexual but didn't take away from the relationship with their husbands?

I can't explain it but their sex lives improved while I stayed:

Single.


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2)

I'm curious about this term bisexual.

I posed this question on Twitter after reading this article on Blogher:

Do you think bisexual means you don't have a relationship preference for either sex? Or does it mean that you just have sex with both sexes?

@bnroberts
said:

"Most bisexuals I know actually prefer one sex, but enjoy sex with either, or both at same time"


@dbllife205
said:

"for me the term means, that I like to play with both sexes, although I prefer one to the other for LTRs"


Mindy at SingleMomSays said:

"I think the word itself suggests it is a sexual thing"


Pisces Hanna chimed in to say:

"I think there's 3 types of bisexuals: 1- people who really don't have a preference (or who like everyone), 2- people who are on the way to being gay, 3- nymphomaniacs."

She also directed me to the trailer for the movie Outrage. The movie documents many American male politicians who consistently vote against gay rights but are actually gay (bisexual?) themselves.


It was on the SexyRunners website that I saw this Kinsey scale about the continuum of human sexuality:

0- Exclusively heterosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual


Are the lines for sexuality just getting more and more blurred?

I wonder if sexuality is questioned as much in other countries or if this is a puritanical American thing?

Do we need a label on it in order to feel more comfortable with the idea of sex?



At the very least, it seems that many women have an attraction to other women but may have never acted upon it. I even know a few men that may have bisexual attractions.

I sometimes have sex with women, but prefer a man for a long term relationship. I love cock.

But if there's a label for me, would it be:

Bisexual?



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3)

Speaking of labels, I have less than 4 weeks until my first sprint triathlon.

I am excited about securing the label triathlete to the list of labels for T.

Aaaannnnddd to pull all of this together, I offer the following pic:




Heh.

I swear I'm going to get this t-shirt.

Neither my family nor my bi-curious or heterosexual
friends wouldn't be surprised at all.

Honestly.

Are you?

26 comments:

  1. You have a very good approach to this subject.
    I have had sex with both men and women, mostly men. I do love cock, which is why I don't think I could hold down a relationship with a woman.
    But damn my eye can wander. I love seeing a sexy woman, that is confident, and a sexy amount of cleavage showing.....
    I have met some women who can kiss, OMG. Men have a lot to learn in that department...lol

    I would say I am bisexual because no one is off limits to me.

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  2. Ok, the shirt is awesome... I would wear one!!

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  3. Well i thought I replied on twitter but maybe not.
    I believe if a guy is ever with anouther guy, no matter his preference he is gay. A chick is Bi if she likes men and women equally or nearly equally.

    Good luck in the triathlon.

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  4. Great post T. Good to hear more comments about the bi thing.

    Best of luck at the sprint tri.

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  5. Sage, I wonder....


    If a woman wants to have sex with another woman and other men, she is considered bi.

    And I suppose if a woman chose only women, she'd be a lesbian.

    However, if a man wants to have sex with another man and still have sex with women, he is considered gay?!?

    Why? Is it because men and women view sex so differently? Is it because men think two girls together is hot but two guys together is gross? (Personally I like both.)

    Even on some porn sites, the videos with two girls are listed in the "straight" category while the videos of two men is listed in the "gay" category.

    This is just fascinating to me...

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  6. Oh and for the record, I actually know one man who doesn't enjoy watching two girls together. He thinks it is gay and wrong. (And I'm sure many people feel the same way.)

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  7. I think it's much easier for (hetero) women to appreciate another womans body than it is for men to do that with other hetero men.

    We all do it but women will verbalize that to each other - if we are secure enough. I'm not afraid to tell a woman I think she's beautiful or has a smokin' body. I know you know what I mean. ;) Hetero men don't do that with each other though.

    Does my apprecation for another womans body mean I want to have sex with her? No. But it does mean I appreciate her - just as I would a man I found physically attractive.

    Hot is hot no matter the sex but men are the only ones who do it for me.

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  8. Interesting post and real, as always, from you.

    Not sure what I believe. Two of the people I love the most are a lesbian couple. The one whom I knew first still struggles with identifying herself as gay. Watching and listening to her, as to others, makes the water murkier to me than it ever appeared before. Lesson learned for me: sexuality is not as cut and dried as we are taught growing up.

    I am one of those women who is genuinely NOT attracted to other women physically. It does nothing for me. I am strictly attracted to men and love their bodies. That being said, there have been 3-4 times in my life when I found myself connected to or attracted to women and considered playing for the other team. Never did anything about it, but, yeah, it hasn't escaped my imagination.

    I love your shirt. You could make a mint off of that, btw!

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  9. I have only had sex with women, does this make me a lesbian?

    Not a great big fan of labels, you are what you are, and it may change tomorrow, so, it's a waste of labelage.

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  10. I believe I've had this discussion with you ;0)
    I think "bisexual" is just a word, and as many people as there are out there that's how many definitions you'll find. People define ambiguous terms to cater to there beliefs.

    Oh, and I want a t-shirt...right after I complete the sprint with you in the near future! I love it!...and you :0)

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  11. Ok, LOVE the Tri shirt !! makes me wonder if I should keep wearing my BI-cycle shirts :_: humm..

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  12. That was me pickle boy..

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  13. Geez, I feel boring being completely heterosexual.

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  14. I think the big issue at hand here is labels. I do dislike labels so much because they do limit us in many ways from our own perception and the perception of others. If you had to choose a label, why not simply say that you are a sexual being? In truth, this is what we all are, however many choose to hide behind a label which is used to define them. Good post!

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  15. I'm totally with Mark on this one! Great post, and I love the pic.

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  16. I agree, labels and categorizations just lead to stereotypes, rather than exploring the individual thing. If you are happy and comfortable with both men and women, then go for it.

    I hear Ironman triathletes are super horny after events, since many of them abstain from drinking and sex during training!

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  17. Interesting topic. Labels are always tricky. I think most guys like me would agree that we could replace the term "bisexual woman" with "dream girl." (Just a little joke there.)

    "Even on some porn sites, the videos with two girls are listed in the "straight" category" . . . .

    I think that's because the buyers of these videos would be straight men, since the porn industry is oriented mostly to the male customer. But your point is well taken.

    I love that shirt, by the way.

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  18. Thanks for the linky love girl! Having mostly gay friends, this topic was really a wake up call for me, as a "breeder." I never realized that so many people have different opinions about the topic. In the gay community, there has been some backlash against "bi-curious" heteros because they want the no-strings attached sex without being labeled as "gay". That's why I came up with the different types of Bisexuals.

    I really think that some people don't care, or like all aspects of men & women. But I also think that there are a lot of confused bisexuals who say they aren't gay.

    My old lesbian roommate used to say "One day they'll realize that they don't want to BE (insert female idol here), they just want to have sex with her."

    My sister is gay, and she continued to say she was attracted to men until she found her current girlfriend. Labels really have a lot to do with it, I think and how comfortable you are with that specific label.

    It should really be about love, but sadly, (as everyone has admitted here) its mostly about labels.

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  19. Single Parent Dad and Pickle Boy crack me up!

    I want one of those T-shirts!! T, you are one the most open, honest, caring women I know.

    If I had to "label" you, I'd say: T loves human beings. All of them.

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  20. I am equally attracted to both sexes. I don't do one night stands, or even non commited relationships. I have had slightly (2) more relationships with women than I have men, but that is because I am a picky little kitten, and there are far more women out there who have their shit together! *snort*

    I consider myself bisexual. I've known since I was about 12 that girls gave me that "weak in the knees" feeling just the same as boys did. Much to the dismay of most men who find this sexy, I have zero desire for qroup sex, threesomes or a male audience when I am with a woman. I connect one on one with the person I am dating.

    Does that make me bisexual, I don't know. It is always how I refer to myself though.

    Great post, T.

    xoxo
    ~vk~

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  21. Dude, why even label yourself? You are who you are and there need be no definition. You're T. You're fabulous. You're gorgeous. And you've got a heart the size of Texas. :) Beyond that, who you have sex with? Does NOT define you sweet pea.

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  22. At the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is that you're an amazing woman with a heart of gold.

    I'm with QT...there's no need to REALLY label yourself (even if it's hotter when you do...heh).

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  23. I'm glad I came back to read the additional comments. I'm glad that so many people like the "threesome" logo. Triathletes are horny bastards just like everyone else.

    I have to respond to "dadshouse".....being a two time Ironman, hence the blog moniker IM, I DO NOT abstain from drinking or sex. I'm horny all the time. In fact after a long training day I can last pretty long before cumming....if I finish at all. I just don't have the energy to finish. but it's a great benefit for BC.

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  24. I tend to agree that the label is rather pointless. Labels, in general, are meant to explain what something is and if no one agrees on the label definition...it seems rather pointless to stick it on things.

    It seems many people believe that a man who has sex with another man must be gay. I think part of that is because men are really taught so early on to stifle that attraction and so any man willing to explore it must really want it - therefore, he must be gay. I'm sure it's just as much rubbish as anything else, though. Years ago, I knew one man who I would say is bisexual in so much as he seemed to genuinely be attracted to both men and women. He was very frank and open/honest about it and so it just didn't seem like a big deal.

    I don't care if you like oysters or snails - or both. As long as you aren't taking it off my plate.

    -R.

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  25. Oh...and I think you should come to Chicago with QTMama next time she comes to visit.

    I think you two would be fun to turn loose into the city.

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  26. Perhaps we are all attracted to specific qualities-- rather than people of a certain gender. Some of us are more likely to be attracted to male or female people due to those preferences and others are more fluid with their partner and quality choices.

    Hairy legs, strong shoulders, a faint tummy trail and a lack of breasts happen to be things I like, so I choose to be with men.

    Lucky you, to enjoy wider variety! If I felt this way, I'd be there right with ya', T, and would just follow my desires. It's wonderful that you are so open and honest about who you are and who/what you love.

    ~krn

    I couldn't tell if this posted previously, forgive me if this a double post.

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Thank you for leaving me some comment love!