Monday, May 4, 2009

Spring Cleaning: What I love...

While cleaning my office over the weekend, I found something else that I'd written. This time on May 26, 1999.

On that date I was a 29 year old successful systems engineer at a large consulting company. I was also married for 6.5 years and cheating on my husband.

I'm not sure who I wrote this about.

It could have been my husband but something tells me that it wasn't. I could have been describing the man I was having an affair with. I could have also written this about my friend D. I don't recall anything in particular about that time in my life except that I felt very much in love with all three men.

Let me repeat that.

I was in love with three men.

*sigh*

It was also about this time that I started taking anti-depressants. Nuff said.

What amazes me, however, is that I was married and yet I wrote this as a list of traits that I would ask for now. I suppose that even then, I knew what I needed in a relationship.

But what was so wrong that I didn't acknowledge the relationship I was already in?

I also love the "remember" part... that I was on a quest to find myself, even then. I suppose the quest for T is ongoing and always has been.

---

What I love...

  • Not just pacifying but willing to work with me through whatever's bothering me
  • Unselfish
  • Real - no game playing
  • Allows me to be me
  • Is genuinely interested in what makes me who I am
  • Is genuinely interested in my likes and dislikes
  • Wants to help me in my search to be whole but understands my weak times and weaknesses
  • Listens to me
  • Appreciates my everything: spirituality, personality, intelligence, sensitivity, strength


Remember:
  • You can't be everything to anybody or everybody - ONLY yourself!!!
  • Find your peace within. No one else can do it for you OR give it to you.
  • Your peace is your strength
  • You WILL be okay!!!

13 comments:

  1. The remember part of your post is exactly what I am trying to do for myself right now.

    I hate that an incident had to make me realize that I am the important one here and no matter who I am with I am still the important one.

    T--Keep growing you are doing a great job.

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  2. Great list - and one I could easily have written myself.

    What's intriguing to me is that this prooves that we KNOW what we want but somehow lose hold of how to achieve it. (by we I mean you - who is someone like me in this sense).

    I know I was always putting my then husbands needs/desires (and probably everyone's but mine)in front of my own. My divorce and subsequent growth is how I learned to make my needs and desires important to ME and then make sure they are to the person I share them with as well.

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  3. I like the "remembers, folks can always take reminders like that.

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  4. My friend and I made a list of the qualities we want in a husband when we were thirteen. I have pulled it out every now and then over the years and have been amazed to find that a lot of the things my 13 year old self wanted are things that I still want now. Thanks for the remember part of the post. I really needed that tonight. So wise, so true.

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  5. That's pretty much my list, too. :)

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  6. Great list, T! What I try to remember is that I own *my* shit and no one elses. I try to be authentic in everything I do and honest with myself and others. That seems to be helping me figure out what I want and need. Hope you find the person who loves and accepts everything about you. You deserve wonderful things. (((HUGS)))

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  7. Great list. Appreciates my everything is like what I wrote the other day about wanting a woman who believes in me.

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  8. This particular point you made is one that's very important to me as well:

    "Wants to help me in my search to be whole but understands my weak times and weaknesses."

    Amen, sister! It takes a strong man to be able to do that. I have realized in the last several months that I can't settle for anything but. :)

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  9. The "Remember" section is great. Ultimately, we have take responsibility for own happiness.

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  10. Interesting - I would be willing to bet that most people who are having an affair would write some very similar words about who they were having the affair with.

    The "Remember" portion is great and timeless!

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  11. Remember to always put the seat down as well. :) Oh just kidding, T.

    You've got yourself a good list here, T. Actually let me rephrase. It's a great list.

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  12. What a great note to find from yourself!

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  13. I really like the statements in your "remember" section.

    xoxo
    ~vk~

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