Sunday, May 31, 2009

That's my network



You know those Verizon ads where the group of people follows the person with the cell phone wherever they go and always makes sure they're connected and well taken care of?

Yeah. That's how I feel about you guys.

I can barely read my last post. That was such a deep dark feeling. I'm sure to go there again... but it feels good to know that if I do, I have my network to make sure I'm taken care of.

You guys are the best!!!

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There was one comment in particular that seemed to get everyone in a very protective huff.

Oh I laughed and cried so much at your wonderful loving responses!!!

First of all, let me say that yes, this blog is "self absorbed and egotistical". If you read in the sidebar over there on the right, it says, "This is an adventure in self-discovery..."

Secondly, all of us are "self-absorbed and egotistical". We live our lives trying to be happy, nurturing ourselves and the ones we love, doing our best to stay alive or keep those we love from harms way, and so on. All of us are doing our best to serve our own, or those we love's, best interests.

But allow me to address this person's issue with the line in that post:

I actually thought, before Gentleman Jack came over, "Well, if we did work out, I might lose some readers."


I suppose I wrote that because sometimes I feel that people come to read here purely for the drama.


I wondered, "Would people want to read about a drama-free, happy life?"

I don't know but I often think that you all come to read here for one of 3 reasons:
  1. "Whew! I'm so glad to see someone suffering more than me!"
  2. "Wow. This person is going through the exact same suffering as me!"
  3. "Whoa. I'm glad I'm not suffering as much as this person."

Here's the thing I've forgotten: We're all suffering all the time.

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Last week in yoga, the class centered on compassion.

We went through a mantra with three different mudras:
  1. Focusing on compassion for those who suffer more than me.
  2. Focusing on compassion for those that suffer the same as me.
  3. Focusing on compassion for those that suffer less than me.

It reminded me of a line from A Course in Miracles where it states that we believe that there is a "hierarchy of illusions"; meaning that there are levels of suffering.

Doesn't it seem like most of us are all suffering all the time? I mean, I've been in so many positions in my life: financially set and financially poor, fat and thin, ugly and pretty, married and single.... and I know for a fact that I didn't always choose happiness. I know for a fact that even then I wanted something to be different.

Does it really matter who seemingly has it better, the same or worse than us when even they will have something that they want to change?


---

So, I choose a happy, drama-free life.

I do realize, however, that even in that choice, there will be still be something that I will want more or less of. I am surprisingly human.

And being human, there will be something that someone else will relate to. There will also be some people who just don't get me.

I'm gonna aim for it anyway.


I deserve it. We all do. Whether we get there or not, I say:

Aim high.

18 comments:

  1. Glad you're feeling better T. You are allowed your dark moments. We all have them and to acknowledge them is actually healthy. Without blogging it you would have missed the feedback and support that helped you. Much cheaper than therapy and more rewarding coming from our peers (or netwrok) I think.

    What's great about our "network" is is that we are all (mostly) here because we CAN relate in some way. You don't become a single parent without having experienced some struggles. The end of a marriage or relationship is just one of them, dating with kids is another.

    As for the ignorant comment by anon, well, I think it's pretty cowardly to write a comment and not put your name to it. As I've always said, the haters need not read what they find offensive or self-absorbed.

    Our blogs are her for us, not them, and there is much to be gained by what we share. We are in this journey together and it's a great source of support and friendship. People who don't understand this or want to belittle it lead very shallow lives.

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  2. Oh, my life is happy and drama free, and I have readers just fine! But I hope you're in a better place soon :-)

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  3. T, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that we're all suffering all the time.

    I can say from personal experience that I come here and read not for the drama, but to see someone being very honest, and working through the issues in her life as they arise. No, I don't always agree with your choices, and I don't think that you're doing it perfectly. But DAMN - *none* of us are.

    This is your life, and you're working it out. Sure you've got your dark moments, just like the rest of us - that's what makes you human...and oh so very lovable.

    *hugs*

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  4. T--
    I want you to know why I am here. I am here because I feel like I can learn something about myself and you as well. It has nothing to do with suffering on any level. I have had some of my own suffering going on with my medical problems in the last 2 years. It is about growing as I state at the beginning of my blog.
    I have learned stuff from you and I am eternally grateful. Thank you!
    Keep your head up, you will get through this and we will be right here with you!!!!!

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  5. Can you hear me now?

    Hah! Sorry, I just couldn't resist.

    I'm glad you are in a better place. Nothing like yoga and friends to bring you back into the light. I think it was incredible for you to share your darkest thoughts on this blog, it was real and honest, and we've all been there. You inspire me chicka!

    xoxo

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  6. We're all only human. Ups and downs...love and pain.

    The great thing about this "blogosphere" that we "live" in, is that it's quick to realize that there are a LOT of people out there going through similar experiences who are more than willing to not only listen to you, but be there as a support system for you.

    I got nothin' really deep or meaningful to say...I just wanted to reiterate how awesome "the blogosphere" can be.

    :-)

    Glad you're feeling better.

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  7. Glad you are feeling better. It's time to focus on what you do have rather than what you do not. That is the only true way to happiness. Be grateful for the blessings you have. I have a few friends who have children undergoing chemotherapy, heart surgeries, etc...they would give anything to have their child healthy. When you are thankful for the things in your life rather than the things that are not, you will be in a better space.

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  8. May God protect us, grant us wisdom's fruit; may we gain energy to know the Truth; may our intellects grow clear and bright; may we cherish no ill feelings toward anyone. Om, peace, peace, peace be unto all.



    Taittiriya Upanishad 2.1.1

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  9. In all things give thanks.

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  10. I honestly beleive we HAVE to hit that dark moment to be able to rise up again!

    You did it and now you stand up and you try again :)

    Glad you sounding a little happier now!

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  11. I'm happy you're happy(ier) now!
    Truthfully, I'm very new to your blog (and everyone's blogs for that matter) and, like everyone else, reading others' self-discovery helps me with my own. Plus, you're totally cool and hip and therefore I visit all of your links and add them to my favs.

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  12. What do you do but laugh at a comment like that? Um, yeah, this is my blog...who else would I be absorbed in writing about? *dumb ass*

    I'm sure there are folks out there that do read for one or more of those reasons. All I can say is personally I did start reading because I felt that you were going thru some things similar to what I have gone thru over the last year and it made me feel not so alone in my journey. And that includes reading the good, bad and ugly! When I see things going well, it gives hope and happiness, when things are bad or ugly it may be something I can relate to and a forum for you to get support and bounce thoughts and ideas off of folks.

    Either way. Do what you do and blog about whatever your little heart desires and help YOU.

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  13. I put the laptop away for the weekend and did I miss alot?!?!?! I read your blog because I enjoy your open posts. Although, the last one was difficult to read. Difficult because I am nowhere near as comfortable putting into words how I feel about other people in my life other than my children.

    They bring me nothing but joy, and who doesn't like to blog about being happy?


    My sister use to attract men in her life that were less than kosher, to say the least. I rarely give out relationship advice because I'm divorced and single with zero prospects, but hopeful never-the-less. Try reading some Dr. Wayne Dyer. I'm reading, Your Erroneous Zones. It helped her and I like it.

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  14. Glad you are feeling better :)

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  15. T you're life is yours, you do with it what you can, and sometimes, when the days are long and sad, remember this: We DO wake up to a new day.

    *hugs babe*

    -QT

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  16. This is a great choice that you make! You are amazing, I appreciate how honest you are with us.

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  17. Wow, I've had my own shit going on in my private (i.e. non-blogging) life, and I missed all of this. Sorry! I do feel like part of your network. I guess I was the dropped call this time around. Glad to hear you are doing better.

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Thank you for leaving me some comment love!