Jack and I haven't been through what those two have. Jack and I are not deeply in love with each other so...
For us, it really isn't that difficult.
Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that I'm glad to see him go. In fact, it feels very strange right after he leaves because I want to immediately go back to texting him again. It feels strange because there'd be nothing for me to text him about except for... him.
It doesn't take us long, however, before we slip right back into our lives and normal communication methods again.
I am a planner by nature. Gentleman Jack is not.
As I've noted before, my personality temperament is melancholy (with a sanguine mask). Gentleman Jack is sanguine all the way.
I usually have a need-to-know what will happen next. Jack is very much a live-in-this-moment kind of man. Due to my sanguine mask and my spiritual studies, I know that I strive for this way of looking at life.
Whenever it is time for us to part, after a wonderful weekend together, my mind does, for a moment, go to "When are we going to see each other again?"
When I am thinking this question, he notices right away and asks why I think too much.
Heh. Good question.
His answer is always the same. "Baby, I don't know what will happen but I know that it will work out like it's supposed to. It has so far."
And suddenly, I feel better.
I do know that he's right. I also know that we will have moments until that next time that we WILL want to be together. Our love languages are the same. We both crave physical touch and quality time.
The best part is that we seem to take turns being weak and strong. It isn't consistently me or him. It feels very balanced.
However, we also know that we have no idea how much longer we will be able to do this.
So, we've decided to enjoy every moment until then.
I generally fall in love pretty quickly.
I'm not sure why but I have not fallen for Gentleman Jack. In fact, both of us have noted that we're not even sure our relationship would survive living in the same town.
Again, I realize it makes little sense. I would contribute it to a few things:
- Independence - we both enjoy our independent lives. Neither of us has to explain how we run a household or parent our children. Obviously we're both aware of those things but we are able to stay objective because we are uninvolved in that way.
- Less drama - believe it or not, we both feel that the distance is keeping the drama of becoming too attached at bay.
- Different interests - Jack and I are alike in many ways, however we are different in just as many ways. I enjoy my alone time. He has to be around people. I ride my bike and swim. He lifts weights. He does fishing tournaments on the weekends and I do triathlons. We're both able to explore our interests without expectations, feedback or complaints from the other party.
- No pressure - I think because Gentleman Jack and I are both single parents, we are enjoying each other as a pleasurable experience outside of our normal lives. We both have A LOT of responsibilities and demands on us and our time. We both enjoy the escape of talking to each other during the day and fantasizing with each other at night. Neither of us depends on the other for anything other than pleasure.
Again, we really have no idea what we're doing here. Maybe neither of us is really ready for a real relationship? Maybe this is exactly what we both need right now? We could continue like this for another week and call it off. Or we could do this for years. Who knows?!
All I know is that at this moment of time, I feel very secure, happy and content in a relationship for the first time in a VERY LONG time.
So, I won't question it if the distance makes it awesome.
I won't question it if my heart isn't longing for more of this man who is becoming my best friend.
I won't question it if I don't feel so bad saying goodbye to him, not knowing if that was the very last time we would make love, kiss or hold each other for no reason at all.
I'll just stick to this moment and take it as it comes.