I think some single parents don't feel this way and so it comes with a little guilt that I declare that.
And then there was last night....
My mother called and said that Rose was "homesick". When Rose came on the phone, I was prepared to hear her tell me how she wanted to come home. I knew she'd say she wanted to sleep in her own bed. I wasn't prepared to hear:
"Mommy, every time I think of you I cry."
Did you hear that? Yeah, that was the sound of my heart breaking.
She'll be ok. We all need a break from each other, right?
Grace was all, "We're having fun, Mommy, but I wanna come to your house."
Then she got off the phone and I heard her laughing with her cousins.
Those two definitely keep me guessing.
This week I've been able to go to my A Course in Miracles study group and not need a babysitter.
I was able to go out with my friend, the Yoga Poet, and see a movie.
I went out with my cycling group and did an awesome 30 miler around the lake and the temperature outside was 85 degrees!! (Unheard of in Texas in July at 6:00 p.m.!)
I went to a yoga class that my best friend De was teaching and then went out with the yoga gang for a post-class beer.
I'm even considering a quick drive (yeah 3.5 hours) back to Louisiana for a visit with my Gentleman for a night. (He's so dang cute about it. He's very excited.)
I am really enjoying this! I needed this! This will make me a much better Mommy!
(please don't look at me like I don't love my kids...)
Next weekend, I have another triathlon in my hometown in Louisiana. I think Jack is even going to come cheer me on.
I'm really not even thinking about it much. I am doing what I can to train but I'm also feeling overwhelmed with other things that need to be accomplished.
Because 3 days after my triathlon, I'm having tummy tuck surgery.
The doctor has told me that I may not be able to exercise for up to 8 weeks. Dude. Exercising is what keeps me sane.
So, I'm gonna give that triathlon a run for its money because it may be my last hoorah for while.
And you guys, in the blogosphere, will be depended on heavily to keep me sane in the meanwhile.
(please don't hate me if I make no sense at all from August 5 - early October.)
And a big thank you to Susan for reminding me about our conversation a few months ago.
In her comment on yesterday's post, she said:
"A few questions you can ask yourself about this relationship are: "Does it make me feel loved? Respected? Safe? Like I can be myself without worry of being judged...or left? Do I like this person -- genuinely like being with him? Is this relationship 'easy'?...
I don't mean lazy or perfect by "easy." I mean all of the other things I mentioned above: acceptance, love, respect, fun, etc. No person or relationship is perfect, and all relationships require work. But I see now that a lot of my past "work" was trying to fit two people together who just weren't a good match. Fights and drama don't always have to be a part of a relationship.
The right person will make it seem mostly effortless."
Goodness, she's right. And I remember her describing her new relationship that way. And now she's marrying the guy.
Thank you, Susan, for reminding me that I don't have to try so hard to make my relationship with Gentleman Jack go one way or another.
It has been a great week of sanity for me. I'm definitely enjoying this.