Would you know "the one" if he or she appeared in your life?
I've been thinking about this lately after my long distance relationship post the other day.
Alicia commented that Gentleman Jack must not be "the one" since I have not fallen in love with him thus far.
I love the blogosphere for helping me to see things differently.
When I thought about it, I felt worried. Maybe she's right. Maybe he's not "the one". But then it occured to me...
I thought Soldier was. Look at where that got me.
These thoughts made me reevaluate all of my past relationships when I knew that a certain someone was "the one".
A man that I was in love with for nearly 20 years who is one of my very best friends.
The man that I had an affair with.
In every one of those situations, I was absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt convinced that each of them was "the one".
So... what does that mean exactly? Can there be more than one "the one"?
I also noticed, with each of these past relationships, there was this sense of desperation and fear.
I needed to POSSESS the other person and I needed them to POSSESS me.
Soldier and I started planning a future with such a sense of fear and dire need. I was losing my father. He was going off to war. We clung to each other out of complete agony with life. We needed each other badly.
I collected him. Every correspondence he sent me, cards, letters, emails, gifts... I held on to each morsel as if it was my last dying breath. I STILL have all of those emails. I feel more comfortable with deleting them now. I feel a whole lot less desperate.
I have my Gentleman.
With Gentleman Jack, I feel like....
What's the rush?
I don't collect him. He is very consistent and honest and there for me. I feel so much less fear and SO much more LOVE. Our relationship is very slow and relaxed, as if we have all the time in the world. And honestly, if we do decide that we are going to take this into a lifetime together, there truly is no rush.
Our children will have to grow up first.
Some other miracle of fate will have to happen that has one or both of us moving somewhere to be together.
Jack and I both have fears about falling in love and relationships. I guess it's normal for two people at this stage in life, who have been through failed relationships so far. He readily admits his fear while I say that I'm not scared.
Maybe I am. Maybe I don't have a single clue what I'm talking about.
A Course in Miracles says, "I do not perceive my own best interests."
Maybe each one of those relationships were exactly what I needed at the time. And perhaps the fact that they didn't work out was exactly what I needed as well.
Would I truly know who is "the one" I'm destined to be with?
I think I may have given up on my idea of what defines "the one". I've been obviously wrong thus far.
Is it destiny that I be with one person for the rest of my life?
Should we search for a Mr. Right and force the issue that that person will be with you until you die? Even if one or both of you changes and is ready to move on? Or is every Mr. Right actually a perfectly fine Mr. Right Now?
Should we cling and possess and declare someone is perfect out of fear? Fear of lack of love or security? Or should we enjoy someone, accept them and the situation, and see the perfection in the "now" out of love?
Was my relationship with Soldier the "hare" in the race? And my relationship with Jack the "tortoise"?
Does slow and steady win the race after all?
How the hell do I know?
"Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; for love is sufficient unto love." — Khalil Gibran