Twice this week alone, I have had two of my closest friends question my relationship with Gentleman Jack.
Heck, even *I* question it!
To us, our relationship makes some kind of sense. We love each other. Very much. We are extremely close. And each of us wants the other person to find happiness in a relationship close to home.
Huh?
Yeah, maybe it makes no sense at all.
Long distance relationships are supposed to be difficult, filled with longing and suffering. Neither Gentleman Jack or myself want that for ourselves or each other. However, neither of us can deny what we feel. So, we've chosen to enjoy it while we have it and at the same time, we're both open to dating others.
We warn each other of friends wanting to set us up on other dates or new people who show interest in us. We're very open and honest with each other. We also admit to jealous feelings at the thought of the other with someone else. We both know that some sort of end will be painful to one or both of us. We know it is inevitable.
But sometimes, when we're both swept away with emotion, I wonder if either of us really knows what is happening. Even last night, Gentleman Jack was being questioned by one of his best friends too.
"I can't explain it to him," Gentleman Jack told me, "When I try, he just rolls his eyes. I don't know what's going to happen but I have one question:
Why do we, as humans, always jump to the end of the story, the back of the book, instead of just enjoying it as it unfolds?"
Sometimes we do go round and round for hours trying to define what is happening or what will happen. We have tried to label it but the thing is, the only label that either of us can put on it is from Gentleman Jack's fortune cookie during that first week we were speaking to each other:
A beautiful adventure.
I'm going to enjoy it as long as it lasts.
Ya know - I've never been one to jump ahead to the end of the book. When I read I do it for pleasure and I DO savor every moment. I sometimes even re-read a phrase just to soak it in.
ReplyDeleteThat was a good analogy... it makes me think. Do I appraoch a relationship the same way? I think I do, but it hasn't really worked out for me except I'm finding it has tought me a lot and brings me closer to the end that was meant to be.
I never knew what it meant ti live in the Now until I read Eckhart Tolle's books. They really changed the way I saw things. If your Now is this, then it just is. No one else has to understand your happiness. I wish you good things.
ReplyDeleteI understand this T! I have it with Mr Roses!
ReplyDeletePeople dont get it! We are exceptionally close. He is the first person I call when something happens or I need to be reassured. We talk every day. Our feelings are very real and very deep!
But we know we cant be together!
We understand and realy thats all thats important!
Really, no one has to get it except you two. This is about you guys, no one else. I am guessing that this story is going to have a happy ending no matter what happens. You both have great intensions and are good people with your heads on straight.
ReplyDeleteThat's very risky. You must be extremely strong to be able to do that.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't do that and that's why I am ending my current relationship. My heart can only take so much.
Best of luck!
Just enjoy it, girl...all will become clear as time goes on, I can promise you that. Even if you don't end up together, as you said, this is a beautiful adventure. Take the joy that is being given to you. Not everyone gets to be so fortunate.
ReplyDeleteAs my friend, you've really helped me stay in the moment. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I know that I'm not built for a long-distance relationship. Been there, done that. I need to be held. Often.
And I love to hold.
Oh - and for what it's worth - I *NEVER* jump to the end of the story. If I'm really enjoying a book, I take my sweet old time with it, dragging it out for as long as I possibly can...both to get the most enjoyment out of it that I can, and also because I don't want to let the characters go.
ReplyDeleteSomething to think about. ;)
I think that especially those of us prone to jumping to the "end of the story" do so because I want to avoid any pain; we think that we can control our destinies. Truth is, we can't. Not always.
ReplyDeleteI am happy for what you and Rascal have...which appears to be a warm, beautiful friendship. THAT is something worth holding onto, T. Love to you, girl.
Oh, and quite the hair you got going on in that last post! :) Amazing!
Your post brings to mind a saying I keep around - "When you no longer seek others approval, you become your most powerful"
ReplyDeleteBe present, enjoy life!