Monday, September 14, 2009

Don't know nothin' bout me




I'm perturbed.

I can generally follow my Four Agreements and 'not take things personally' but... grrr...

This is bugging me. Maybe if I write it all out, I may not even have to publish it. Then again, I've not hidden any emotion from this blog. This is my blog and I am learning, for the first time in my life, to allow and accept my emotions - whatever they are.

On that note...

I had a few comments on my post about envy that have stuck with me.

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Anonymous said that I was projecting my "past unhappiness at being single" onto my co-workers.

My co-workers aren't single and I wasn't unhappy as a single person. I was mourning the loss of my relationship. I also wasn't unhappy as a married person. I was crazy in love with my husband for the 4 years we dated and the 13 years of my marriage. That last year sucked ass but other than that, I was a happy happy girl.

Projecting? Maybe. That's what we all do. Assuming? Yeah, most likely.

Anonymous also suggested that I was being "elitist" because of my assumption that perhaps my co-workers were envious.

Elitist. Really? In the post I asked if they were envious. And then I went on to explain how I had been envious in the past.

Another commenter (who I would like to offer kudos to because she used her name) agreed with anonymous stating that "newly coupled people tend to think what they have is the greatest thing ever and want to share every detail of their perfect bliss. and those who aren't as enthusiastic are jealous and miserable."

I'm not sure that I would go that far that I assume that a less than enthusiastic response equals jealousy and misery. Maybe the post came off like that? Others had suggested that was why my co-workers responded the way they did and I only wanted to relate to it in the post.

The other commenter also suggested that perhaps I leave it at "He's a great guy. I'm very happy." Now that is great advice. Thank you.

Still... can I ask: what is so wrong about a newly coupled person wanting to gush about their happiness?

I can understand that some of the sweetness could give you cavities so I get the playful, "I just threw up in my mouth a lil bit."

That shit is funny.

I also realize that some people would rather watch a train wreck than the sunrise.

I'm just not built that way. Call me a helpless/hopeless romantic.

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There really is no need for me to defend what I've written. I am writing my feelings from my perspective.

I will not convince a soul to see things from my perspective. Maybe I can come off as preachy sometimes, but it is not my intention to do that. What many may not realize is that I'm preaching to myself. We all teach what we need to learn.

I do my best to try to see things from many perspectives so I actually do take these comments to heart. I do look at myself and wonder if I came off that way. Of course I am not perfect. I am only me. Many times, these comments will turn things around in my head and I learn something else about myself.

I'm not sure why these comments have me a little off today. Perhaps it was my dream last night. But for some reason, I've noticed something....

I remember being in my funk. And I remember that funk lasting for a very long time. And I remember thinking that I needed to put on a happy face for those of you who come here. I felt bad that I was sad.

I also remember worrying that if I was actually happy in a relationship again, that would turn many of you away as well.

I also remember thinking how ridiculous both of those thoughts were.

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I didn't start this blog as a sad, lonely single woman's blog. I haven't been a sad shell of a person until a man walked into my life.

I began this blog while all sappy and in love with my soldier. This blog is a document to the roller coaster of not only being single and a mom, but also supporting a man I loved through a war in Iraq. This blog has been a journey through all that I learned about myself through that relationship and others. This blog has chronicled ALL of my UPS and DOWNS of the past 2 years.

I can't worry that if I'm too sad or too happy that some of you will tire of reading my words.

I can't worry that if I want to record an amazing sexual experience that some of you will judge me.

I can't worry that the way I raise my children may be different than how others raise theirs.

I can't worry that if I choose to do something to my physical appearance that people will scoff and roll their eyes at me.

I do worry though. I've realized, however, that many of these comments or perceived judgments are coming from those of you who are reading only one post. Or perhaps a month or 3 months of posts.

YOU DO NOT KNOW ME.

Unless you've read every single post from the nearly two years of blogging, you cannot assume anything about me. Even with that, you may not know me in real life. My history. My family. My personality.

For the first time in a very long time, I am falling in love again. I want to SHARE that. I want to detail these happy moments. I want to gush and smile and be mushy.

I have always been that way. Be it 4 months into a relationship or 1 year or 12 years.

This is MY space. If it bothers you so much, if you absolutely can't take it, then this isn't the blog for you. If you must leave a comment (and all are taken seriously) please use your name so that I can go to your blog and learn more about you.

I am fair here. I am exposing myself and yes, I realize that leaves me open to criticism. Most bloggers have opinions and some are different from my own. I get it. Help me to understand your point of view. I want to see where you're coming from.

And if you knew me, you'd know that already.

17 comments:

  1. Good for you, T, for getting this off your chest.

    I can relate. I worry, too, that people will judge me for what I've written, or they'll get bored with my "sappy love stuff". But you're right when you say that this is YOUR space, and you are absolutely entitled to write about whatever it is that's on your mind or what you're feeling. Those who don't agree can either respectfully say so, or move on to the next blog.

    There are always going to be negative people around us, no mater what we're experiencing. The key is to take what they have to say as an opportunity for learning and move on. Remember - when people are negative, it speaks of THEM, not of you.

    **hugs**

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  2. I don't understand why people complain about what you write they don't have to read it. Good for you for calling them out.

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  3. Opening up like you do on your blog unfortunately leaves a target for some folks, but just like you said, they don't know you. Keep up on using your blog for anyhting and everything that is helpful to you....keep it real Miss T! I think that is what attracts more positive readers than the "other" kind.

    Out of all your posts I'm surprised that this one evoked comments that made you feel that way. I think about when I've been in situations where I'm the happy one and folks want to throw darts at me, maybe I do get a little defensive at their comments because I WANT TO PROTECT WHAT HAS ME FEELING SO GOOD! Don't burst my bubble folks...it's mine! lol.

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  4. "Insist on yourself. Never imitate."--Ralph Waldo Emerson

    T, the majority of us who follow your blog do so with authentic love. Your human status makes you imperfectly perfect in a beautiful way.

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  5. In reading some of the comments on your envy post, I sensed (perhaps) that it (possibly) was the commenter's frustration with his or her own situation, possibly in being single, rather than your exact words. You know - something you wrote set off his or her own feelings.

    And, you're right -- writing as openly as you do in an open forum is bound to generate some controversy...even if it's only in those readers' eyes and not yours!

    All of that aside, keep writing what you want to write for as long as you want to write it. Those of us who want to get to know you better -- and can appreciate your honesty and point of view, whether it's the same or different as ours -- will be here. I, for one, am glad to see a lovely, kind woman being gushy and getting exactly what she deserves!

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  6. Well said, T! :) For those of us in gushy love relationships, we LOVE hearing how happy Rascal makes you. Because we love your writing, your blog, and YOU!

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  7. Ultimately the reader of almost any blog needs to remember the blog is for the writer, not the reader.

    With that in mind I say automatically ignore the Anonymous comments. Those commenter's tend to hide behind a facade that makes them feel the right to say ugly things. Things they would never say in person.

    Real genuine input will always be done with a name attached. (Even if it is a fake name like mine used for reasons of security.)

    As for your gushing about the relationship with your fellow, why not? Will some of your co-workers sprout green eyes and wish they didn't have to envy you? Almost certainly. But the true friends will be happy for you. And, the really observant friends will know all about it without you having to speak one word. They will see the look on your face.

    Have a great week.

    TAG

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  8. You get em girl. The anons hit me too!!

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  9. I've only been reading you for a little while. Even if I went back and read every single post, I still wouldn't know about you. Nor you me, if you were to do the same. And there's nothing wrong with that.

    Too bad some people don't understand that.

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  10. i love your blog and want to hear about all things going in on your life T! Happy sad good bad, whatever. You write about your experiences, and we are lucky to get to know you through this virtual lens. Just wanted you to give you a nod over here, because I've been quiet lately, but I am still here, reading, smiling, and completely happy that things are going well for you and that you're sharing your bliss with us.

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  11. You have some great feedback here and lots of support too. I second all of it.

    And don't let the anons get to you. I know, easier said than done but you know people like that are just projecting their own stuff onto you, right? I've also learned that some anons have a personal agenda and that is why they don't own what they say.

    The majority of us are here reading because we are interested and like what you share.

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  12. I enjoy reading your happy/sappy posts, and also appreciate it when you share the less-then-happy things. If I didn't like the person you are here, then I wouldn't keep reading (you seem like a genuinely considerate person, to me).

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  13. I am sorry that this had you a little off! I understand why!

    I am alot like you (who knew) and when I am happy I want to share every detail of it - and cos I have a blog that is MINE! I do share it - in all its over share glory ;-p

    People have a choice - they can read it or not and they can comment or not. I write for ME, not them.

    I have never received anonymous comments but they annoy me immensely. Why not have the courage of your convictions and share how you feel!

    We are all adults and dont expect people to always agree with us. ITs the nature of life!

    I for one am sooooo happy you are falling in love. Going through alot of your Soldier Boy adventure I know that THIS is what you deserve and need right now! And I want to hear about it all!

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  14. T- I had never had any negative comments until this past week. I didn't think it would bother me, but when I saw it, a whole bunch of emotions went through my head. I even commented back in disgust.
    Since then, I haven't posted with a little fear of being honest and real.
    You just helped me realize that negative people SUCK and I should do what is right for me. I don't mind people being telling me what they think even if it is not what I think, but when it is more in lines of judging me for being honest, it hurts. We are not perfect and I don't expect anyone else to be either, just honest and real.
    I love to read all that you write. I look forward to it. I am truly happy and jealous (in a good way) that you are giidy and in love. It gives me hope, not anger.
    Thanks for being you.

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  15. Good for you T, your are 100% in the right here. This is your blog, you can write about your feelings, your thoughts, your actions, whenever you want.

    I've recently had my fair share of negative comments too. :) It's all about how we look at it, ya know? I laughed it off. I accept that not everyone is going to love what I write about, or think my stories are funny. And that's fine.

    And let us remember that Anonymous has no balls.

    XOXO

    QT

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  16. Everyone's persective is unique, and filled with their own projections. Perspective is based on all we've each been through. The best you can do to get away from that is feel compassion for every single person you meet. Including the commentators who bug you. :-)

    Great post

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  17. T - I love you!! I adore how real you are. You are an inspiration for me.
    This post was great.

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Thank you for leaving me some comment love!