Being in a new relationship, even a long distance one, is a challenge.
As a single mom, I am used to planning my time WITH my children and WITHOUT my children. Because I live alone, and because my man is 3 1/2 hours away, I can continue to do that.
Gentleman Jack and I do our best to see each other every other weekend. The next time we see each other, though, will be three weeks since our last visit. *sigh*
I'm sort of looking forward to this weekend when I'll have time to myself.
Don't get me wrong. To say I ADORE my time with Jack is an understatement. But I have spent nearly every weekend (that I would normally have to myself) with him. I feel like I need a breather, you know?
Now, I'm sure I'll have some anonymous commenters who'll say I'm complaining but I really am not. Every new change in a person's life requires some adjusting.
I enjoy my alone time. In moderation.
I enjoy my Mommy time. In moderation.
I enjoy my Gentleman time. In moderation.
I guess I just need balance.
Funny how I remember writing a post last year about the opposite effect - going from "we" to "I".
I was trying to explain to Soldier how I had been a "we" for so long. When he would ask me about my past... well... that past always included my ex-husband. He felt uncomfortable when I would use the word "we".
Now I've been an "I" for so long and I'm trying to readjust back to a "we" again.
I feel like some things have fallen by the wayside because I haven't made time for them anymore. I feel behind on household or domestic duties because I'm spending that time on the phone with Jack. I need to get back to some semblance of an athletic training schedule again.
And oh how I miss my yoga...
When I want to make plans for the time I spend with GJ, I have to get another opinion. That can be frustrating when our opinions don't mesh.
I was used to deciding on my own! Now I have to compromise?!
Ha ha! That sounds funny to even write. How many times did I want someone else's input on what to do?!
Sometimes, when I'm feeling overwhelmed or tired or just want to be alone, it should be easy to have my space, right? He lives a state away!
But there are still misunderstandings or misperceptions even when my silence has nothing to do with him.
He is trying to find balance too. As a single person, there are things that he did or I did to maintain a sense of belonging or love. Going out with friends. Hanging out with single people.
Now? Well, we're both adjusting to new feelings and new views about life, love and each other. Sometimes those adjustments have to be worked out between the two of us.
Different expectations. Different fears. Different pasts filled with different baggage.
I believe that two whole individuals coming together is much healthier than two people who lose themselves in each other.
It makes sense that, though we've fallen for each other, there are going to be some growing pains or adjustments that need to be made.
We live in different states for reasons that each understands. Will either of us move? At this point, both of us say no.
We've each been single parents for so long. Both he and I have opinions on that too... raising children and parenthood.
The adjusting, sometimes, can be quite complex.
There is much more to be discussed. More compromises to be made. More learning opportunities.
Still, I think that we will be better for each other if we are able to maintain a sense of self in this relationship. Balance is good.
I am grateful and thrilled beyond words to have someone to grow with and adjust to, wherever this takes us.