Monday, September 28, 2009
I need sex
I took time this weekend to catch up on the season premier of Grey's Anatomy. If you'll recall, I became smitten with Dr. Owen Hunt, the new Army surgeon on the show, because his reaction to the character Christina and his struggles with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), reminded me SO much of what I went through with Soldier.
Funny thing. Now when I look at him, he reminds me of Gentleman Jack.
Part of his therapy was to abstain from sex. Christina couldn't think clearly about ANYTHING because she wasn't getting any.
That's how I'm feeling right now.
I need sex because I can't think or concentrate on anything!!
My Gentleman and I have the same primary love language: physical touch
Both he and I require that touch, that physical intimacy, to feel as if our "love tanks" are filled. I can usually tell, by the end of our second week apart, that we definitely need to get to some boom-chicka-bow-wow so that all will feel right in our worlds again.
Well, you can imagine how we're feeling right now after 15 days apart!!! We still have 4 more to go til we can be skin to skin again.
I'm not sure if this particular separation feels more difficult because it is the longest we've been apart since the beginning? Or is it because we've fallen madly in love with each other?
It scares me, really, because I don't want to get to a point where I'm craving more than what we already have. Neither of us can move right now. I don't want this to become difficult.
We had a conversation last night where we each expressed fears of the other one wanting to end everything because of the difficulty. Here I was thinking that he will declare this is too much and that he can't do it anymore. He was concerned about the same thing with me.
I have reminded him more than once that I've done the whole not-see-each-other-for-extended-periods-of-time thing before. *ahem* If I can do a 15 month deployment, I can do anything!
Thankfully, we are still able to communicate our fears and hopes. We've both realized that we do want to continue this for as long as we can.
Until Friday, I will read over the wonderful memories of our touching each other. I will remember how he holds my hand to his face and tells me how much he loves me. I will remember how, in the afterglow of reconnecting, he will look into my eyes and tell me that he missed me. I will think of how he likes to wrap his arms around me, pull me into him and I feel as if I've disappeared.
And I will remember the unbelievably amazing love we make together.
I'm not sure what else I'll be able to accomplish this week.
Friday can't get here fast enough.