Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Opposites

If you were to look at Gentleman Jack and me at the surface level, it seems apparent that we are very different.

We frequently joke that my "sandal wearing" friends would probably not hang out with his "redneck" friends. I practice yoga and study spirituality. He lifts weights and watches sports on TV. I rarely eat meat and he's a hunter with a freezer full of deer. My house is filled with estrogen while his is loaded with testosterone. I can't stand when I don't understand something and he seems to believe the adage that "ignorance is bliss." I am a planner and he takes each day one at a time.

There are also many ways in which we are alike. We parent the same. We both love the outdoors. We look at life in much the same way. We both believe in the power of now and the power of positive thinking. We both believe in a divine Source that is somehow involved with our lives. We both enjoy downtime and playfulness in life rather than being workaholics. We're very compatible sexually. We very much enjoy the same pleasures in life: beauty, nature, love. We have each learned from our past relationship mistakes and communicate with each other in a very honest, open and respectful manner.

I have to write all of this out because, in the space between our visits, my mind begins to wonder. Maybe with lack of sex, my mind actually does begin processing things clearer.

Is it OK that we are so different in many ways when there are so many other ways that we are alike? I mean, surely there are no two people who are exactly alike. Each new relationship has give and take. We learn to adjust to each other, right?

My ex-husband was opposite from me too. However, I was only 19 years old when we began dating. Both he and I were much more adaptable back then. Though I frequently joked that he should buy the house next door so we could each have our own space, we lived together very well. Thankfully, he traveled with work nearly every week.

Now?  Well.... after divorces and single parenthood, Jack and I are both pretty set in our ways.

With Martini Mom welcoming The Man to her home and Rachel blogging about it, it has my mind spinning...

Though opposites attract, can they continue down a path long term?

I do realize there is no need to worry about this now; however I do wonder if I could live with someone again. Or marry someone again.

I guess we'll see where life takes us next and cross that bridge when we get to it. We will have sort of a "co-habitating test run" in December when we take our first trip together.

Baby steps ya'll.

13 comments:

  1. This post made me feel so good! You are like goldilocks: juuuust right! :-)

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  2. It has been awesome watching you two grow in this relationship. December ought to be quite fun.

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  3. I think you two sound like the perfect mix. In my experience, men who are *too* opposite are exciting and intriguing at first... but frustrating to date in the long run. Men that are too much like me are, well, kind of boring. *I'm* already me; I don't need my man to be me too. For me, I love a combination of "sameness" which I find comforting, tossed together with enough different to expose me to new activities and new ideas.

    But ultimately, I don't think there's any perfect recipe. You click with who you click with. And it sounds like you guys are clicking all over the place. :) Enjoy that trip!

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  4. I think about this in relation to CBG and I sometimes, too. We have many similiarities, but there are also a lot of differences, there, too. It's funny...when I am having a "doubtful moment" those differences seem HUGE...but when we are together and feeling the love, I know that the most important thing is that we love one another and have a mutual desire to make the other person happy.

    I think it's good to have both simliarities and differences in a relationship. Too much 'sameness' or too many differences can be frustrating. I think you need to be similiar enough to get along and want many of the same things in life, but different enough to keep things interesting. Sounds to me like that's exactly what you and Rascal have. :)

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  5. I do think that people who are very different can survive, as long as they have a few important things in common, like respect and love for one another. That being said, I'm not niave enough to think that love is enough in ALL situations (though I would like to think so), but it sounds like you guys have the right things going on to make it work.
    My hubby and I are different, even in terms of political views, ideas about religion, how many children we want. Of course, I didn't know this shit when I married him. We were young and IN LOOOOOOVE. And it has been a struggle, but i feel like the more we grow together, the easier the differences get, ya know?

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  6. I agree with some of the above comments. My husband and I are complete oposites and now we are seeing more too that we also don't have the same core values. I think that like you and Rascal, you have enough of the important things in common that the dfferences just add to the amazing chemistry that you share.

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  7. I think being different brings contrast to a relationship. Too much alike is not, for me anyway, a good thing. Mostly cuz I'm so stubborn. Regardless, YES they can continue down a path long term!

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  8. I had a wonderful relationhip with a guy that was opposite from me in so many ways. We got along very well though and were compatible in may ways too. It didn't last but it was LT and the right relatiosnhip at the right time.

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  9. Great question. I agree with the comments above that some opposite allows for new adventures and learning in the relationship. I love that part. But not when it comes to the core values you share. Opposite on those could lead to a bumpy ride! It sounds like that is where you two are meshing, those important values are similar which is a great start.

    From my own experience on the long distance aspect and figuring out if those other opposites are livable, it makes for a longer process. You only have to deal with those in small bits and pieces at this point so sure, you can tolerate *insert potentially annoying opposite behavior here* for a weekend or even a week at a time. What happens when it's there on the daily?

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  10. Sounds like your life and relationship are traveling down a wonderful path right now! Love it.

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  11. Opposites can generate fireworks! Long term - I think it just depends on the two involved. If you're making magic together, I wouldn't second guess it!

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  12. He sounds fantastic to me.

    I think that differences can stay attractive as long as you appreciate them, not see them as something that needs to be changed!

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  13. Ah ha, I was wondering about that Mexico post... with or without the kids? xoxo

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