Thursday, September 10, 2009

Turning envy on its head

I was hanging out in the break room at work today when the CEO came to chit chat. We are known for our long drawn out metaphysical or psychological discussions. Its just what we do.

Today he asked me about Gentleman Jack.

With a twinkle in my eye (as I'm sure you can imagine), I began waxing poetic about how sweet my Gentleman is and the romantic things that he does or says. As I was speaking, another co-worker came in and began listening to me.

I was smiling and all glowy. They both responded, "He's gay."


Just because a man is sweet, loving and kind to all living things? Just because a man does nice things for me? Is their calling him "gay" the same as calling him "pussy whipped"?

Are they just picking on me?

Or are they just envious?


I know that envious feeling all too well.

I remember spending time with couples or reading about love and feeling that dull sick-to-your-stomach ache. I remember the longing. I remember the ugliness of thinking, "Must be nice!" I remember walking away from the computer screen in tears.

Its so strange because we do all want to be happy.

We do all want to glow when we talk about the love in our lives.

But that longing, that dull-ache, that feeling of "its never going to happen to me" or "I've already had my chance at love" festers like some putrid virus in us.

Do we believe so strongly in lack that we cannot even be happy when someone else is happy?!

Do we believe that the other person has taken all the love in the world and therefore there is not enough for us?


I've written here about the Law of Attraction and the power of our thoughts.

If we believe in lack, that is all we will see.

A Course in Miracles says that we choose what we wish to see and then look for witnesses to our beliefs.

Ain't it the truth?

You have a bad day and suddenly everything seems bad. Nothing goes right. You've already decided that the day is going to be bad and so that is all you see.

Same with lack. If we believe there is not enough love or good men or good women in the world, that is what you will find to be the truth. EVERY TIME.

Instead, bless those who are happy. In that blessing, you are acknowledging that love is present. Love is boundless. Love is available.

And you will attract LOVE!!


Yes, it is much easier for me to write this from a happy place. I remember when I felt those feelings of jealousy and envy, I felt ashamed. I knew they weren't good feelings. What I decided was... I had to accept myself where I was at the time in order to let those feelings go.

I'm sure that at some point, that virus will raise its head again. But that's why I blog. So I can go back to my happy places and remember that I am blessed in so many ways...

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."
~Romans 12:15

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."
~Harold Coffin

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them."
~Jennifer James


  1. I definitely agree that it was a feeling of inadequacy that lead those men to repond like that and call Rascal "gay".

    I don't know why but I've never felt jealous or envious of someone else's happiness. And seeing other people in love just gives me hope that I too, will find that someday.

    I have had other people be envious and jealous of me and it is an ugly thing to see. Oddly, this has happened even when I'm single and going through tough times.

  2. I have actually been battling with something like this lately and maybe it is envy!

    Alot of my friends who were single are now getting into awesome r/ships! They are happy and I am happy for them! Really I truely am!

    But there are moments where I think "what about me" or "when is it my turn" and the sometimes dont want to be happy for them!

    A friend of mine who is trying desperately to get pregnant is surrounded by newly pregnant people! She has blogged about this very feeling. I mean her family members re pregnant of course she is happy for them - but then she thinks "why isnt it me"

    I dont wish them anything bad or say anything negative because I am aware it is MY feeling and MY issue but sometimes I do want to say "he is gay"

  3. Well, T, you probably remember my own posts and issues re: jealousy of others' happiness in love. Funny...that all feels so far away right now...and yet it feels like that jealousy could poke its ugly little head back up at any time.

    I think that I really worked through that issue a LOT in the past few months myself. I didn't like what I saw when I was jealous. Now, here I am, happy with someone...even though I don't know how long it will last...But the thought of someone being jealous of me? Mindboggling. Truly, it is. I just never imagined the tables being turned (not that it has happened at all). Life can be so odd...

  4. I've struggled with being on the receiving end of some very icky comments from one of my very dear friends over the last couple of years. It's very confusing! When something good (that was also something she wanted in her life) would happen to me I'd get the strangest back handed or not so back handed comments from her. I didn't understand why should couldn't just be happy for me? I know you can think "Oh I wish I had that too" but you can think that and still be happy for the other person.

    I don't know why people do that to each other. At the very least, put a filter on yourself. The envy is your issue so suck it up and deal with it yourself, don't unleash it on the other person.

  5. it definitely feels better to genuinely care about others and what they are going through, whether it is happy or sad, being a supportive friend is the best way to go about it, from both ends!

  6. I haven't been blogging in a while, and it's been ages since I toured about reading other people's words. I hopped on today to take a read, and what you've written hit home.

    Thanks for this.

  7. Enjoy your happiness. There will always be some who are envious, and others who will feel great for you and around you. Bask in it!

    As for the "he's so gay" comment, that's so not PC. That would've irritated me tremendously.

  8. I too sometimes wonder "why not me", but then I look in the mirror and realize just what you say. I am not ready and there for put ou tbad vibes. I do feel like I am truley happy for those around me that are happy. I love to see people that I care about happy. I do not have jealousy for that part, just the part of why I can't figure me out. People just need to look a little deeper.

  9. Oh lord. How on earth do you automatically translate two colleagues calling out another dude for doing sappy stuff as they must be jealous of you and your relationship?

    I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy and I'm happy. I was also happy when I was single.

    This entitled clap trap that newly coupled people spout is smug elitist bullshit.

    Be happy with what you have, don't project your own past unhappiness at being single onto others.

  10. Great post about envy.

    I try to be happy for those around me when they are happy... and yes I hope for the same. But I can tell I hesitate when around my girlfriend going through a divorce and try not to talk TOO much about Mr. M. because I hate to get all elated and coo when she is having a rough time... but I was there once. She will have her time again... but I guess it's a tough line to find when talking about your happiness.

    Again great post.

  11. I don't think they necessarily were jealous of you. Maybe they just didn't wanna hear all of that anymore, or the things you were saying about him made him honestly seem fruity.

    I do agree with anonymous that newly coupled people tend to think what they have is the greatest thing ever and want to share every detail of their perfect bliss. and those who aren't as enthusiastic are jealous and miserable.

    Personally I don't mind hearing that someone is happy, but when they go on and on about prince or princess charming, how amazing everything is and blah blah blah it gets tiring. Too sugary.

    Maybe a simple "He's a great guy. I'm very happy" would have sufficed for your coworkers?

  12. thank you. i needed to read this today. i've been wallowing in my "lack" a lot lately.

  13. I always enjoy your posts on the Course of Miracles and things like the law of attraction...and was thinking about it this past weekend after whining all weekend. In fact, I'm still thinking about it. It's given me a lot of food for thought.


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