I was hanging out in the break room at work today when the CEO came to chit chat. We are known for our long drawn out metaphysical or psychological discussions. Its just what we do.
Today he asked me about Gentleman Jack.
With a twinkle in my eye (as I'm sure you can imagine), I began waxing poetic about how sweet my Gentleman is and the romantic things that he does or says. As I was speaking, another co-worker came in and began listening to me.
I was smiling and all glowy. They both responded, "He's gay."
Just because a man is sweet, loving and kind to all living things? Just because a man does nice things for me? Is their calling him "gay" the same as calling him "pussy whipped"?
Are they just picking on me?
Or are they just envious?
I know that envious feeling all too well.
I remember spending time with couples or reading about love and feeling that dull sick-to-your-stomach ache. I remember the longing. I remember the ugliness of thinking, "Must be nice!" I remember walking away from the computer screen in tears.
Its so strange because we do all want to be happy.
We do all want to glow when we talk about the love in our lives.
But that longing, that dull-ache, that feeling of "its never going to happen to me" or "I've already had my chance at love" festers like some putrid virus in us.
Do we believe so strongly in lack that we cannot even be happy when someone else is happy?!
Do we believe that the other person has taken all the love in the world and therefore there is not enough for us?
I've written here about the Law of Attraction and the power of our thoughts.
If we believe in lack, that is all we will see.
A Course in Miracles says that we choose what we wish to see and then look for witnesses to our beliefs.
Ain't it the truth?
You have a bad day and suddenly everything seems bad. Nothing goes right. You've already decided that the day is going to be bad and so that is all you see.
Same with lack. If we believe there is not enough love or good men or good women in the world, that is what you will find to be the truth. EVERY TIME.
Instead, bless those who are happy. In that blessing, you are acknowledging that love is present. Love is boundless. Love is available.
And you will attract LOVE!!
Yes, it is much easier for me to write this from a happy place. I remember when I felt those feelings of jealousy and envy, I felt ashamed. I knew they weren't good feelings. What I decided was... I had to accept myself where I was at the time in order to let those feelings go.
I'm sure that at some point, that virus will raise its head again. But that's why I blog. So I can go back to my happy places and remember that I am blessed in so many ways...
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."
"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."
"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them."