He says one of the reasons he's drawn to me is because of my strength, positive nature, forgiving and loving attitude towards all people.
Well, sometimes.... I don't feel like that person.
I have been told on more than one occasion that I was a healer in a past life. I do feel good when I can get "T" out of the way and let healing words come through me. My friends also call me for uplifting thoughts or perspective.
However on occasion, I just don't have it in me.
I try but I have moments where I'm focused more on my HUMANess instead of any sort of ANGELic nature.
Sometimes my weakness blocks all of my strength.
Jack and I both have our low moments. As single parents, we each experience overwhelming times and feeling like you can't keep up. Usually when one of us is low, the other one steps up to help right the emotional ship. Well, with all of my overthinking last week, I wasn't able to help him emotionally.
During last week, I had the most interesting revelation. Though I continued to be supportive and loving in my words and actions...
I had no desire to fix it for him.
My natural tendency is to want to make it better. I remember when my ex-husband would have issues related to money, family, whatever, I would step up and take care of it for him. Then I would resent him for it later when my own needs weren't met.
But I do feel hurt when someone else hurts. I have always been an empathetic person. However, I think I've learned that being empathetic doesn't mean solving the problem for them.
What lesson does that offer the other person? And how much more exhausting is that for me?
Doesn't my wanting to fix it for him basically imply that I have little faith that he can do it himself? Wouldn't it be better for me, instead, to empower him, focus on his strength and remind him that he can do whatever he sets his mind to?
Still, when I see his struggle, when I feel that I could just do this tiny thing to help alleviate some of the stress in his life, even though it would cause me exponentially more stress, it hurts me. I want to help. I want to tell him, "Just allow me to take on that stress for you."
I have to remember that it is HIS LIFE. They are HIS CHOICES.
My choice is not to be an enabler.
As A Course in Miracles reminds me, I cannot teach behavior. I can only demonstrate.
And so, I must focus on my thoughts and my perspective and my stresses. I don't depend on him to fix the challenges in my life. I tend to lean on my faith for my peace of mind. I try to trust that things will work out as they've always done.
I know that he can do this too. I don't have anything any more "special" about me than he does. I don't know any particular trick to get life to work for me.
I just pray. A LOT.
He can do this too.
Maybe then he will become inspired to take on those challenges with a different attitude. Maybe then he can see that I'm no more of an "angel" than he is.
Maybe then he will see that he inspires me too.
When you are in alignment with who-you-really-are, you cannot help but uplift those with whom you come into contact. Your value to those around you hinges upon only one thing: your personal alignment with Source. And the only thing you have to give to another is an example of that alignment—which they may observe, then desire, and then work to achieve—but you cannot give it to them. Everyone is responsible for the thoughts they think and the things that they choose as their objects of attention.