Thursday, October 8, 2009

For my daughters: A Good Man

My children have fallen in love with Gentleman Jack.

I mean, who can blame them? I certainly get it. He's good people. He treats them with respect and gives them boundaries.

Not many of my friends or family give them boundaries. Most of the time, my girls' cuteness overrules any sort of boundary with other people. They can usually get away with murder and my friends will say, "Oh its no big deal! They're so darn cute!"

Its terribly exhausting. My kids don't act like that with me.

GJ is silly and listens and plays and redirects their boundless energy. He allows me to step back and relax instead of being a hovering mother trying to protect my friend from two wild children. He enjoys them at their level but continues to maintain adult authority.

I love that. I can actually breathe.

After he left on Sunday, Rose walked around the house swooning and asked me, "Mommy, don't you just feel so lonely when Jack isn't here?"



A few days ago, I was browsing some other journals and things I've written. I found this...

A list of questions for my daughters to ask themselves before they get married.

I wrote this shortly after separating from my ex-husband.

I feel good reading it because, well, it tells me even more that I'm with the right man. And that my children have yet another great example, other than their dad, of what a good man should be.

Here are some things I would like you to look for in a husband/partner:

  • Does he treat you, your family, your friends and the things you care about with respect and love?
  • Does he love you so much that you feel wonderful or are you always trying to get him to love you more?
  • Does he have a good relationship with God?
  • Does he know himself, his limitations and strengths and accept himself for who he is?
  • Does he accept you for who you are or is he trying to change you?
  • Do you accept him for who he is or do you think you will change him?
  • Is he responsible enough to take care of his own finances and is in good financial standing? (He doesn’t have to be rich, just know how to budget and handle wisely the money he does make or have.)
  • Are you willing to love him through thick and thin? Is this someone you will always cherish?
  • Can you love this person even if they may do something that hurts you deeper than you’ve ever been hurt? Is this someone you could forgive anything?
  • Is this person willing to grow with you as you discover your path in life?
  • Are you willing to do the same?
  • Is this someone you can talk to about any subject at all? Even the things that might be a bit uncomfortable for you, him or both of you.
  • Do you fight with listening ears and without calling each other names?
  • Is he strong enough to admit when he is weak? Is this a man who could actually seek help when he needs it?
  • Are you strong enough to let him be the man?
  • Can you be weak, say you’re sorry and know that you are still loved?
  • Has he ALWAYS been honest with you – no matter what the situation is?
  • Are you able to ALWAYS be honest with him?

With all that you've learned about life and relationships, is there anything you'd add?


  1. I love that you're considering your relationship with Rascal in terms of the impact is has on your girls. I think of the same thing when it comes to CBG.

    I think that as a mom, it's important to show our daughters how to expect to be treated by their romantic partners...and to not settle for anything less than that.

    Great post.

  2. It is sounding like he is a true partner in the relationship.

    There are really good questions on your list, a couple of them I just discovered and added to my own list of questions after the last relationship. Or I could just use your list, it seems pretty complete!

  3. Dang, girl! I can't even keep up with your posts lately, they are coming like rapid fire!

    It's all good though. And having a guy who your kids adore as much as you do? Priceless. Enjoy it.

  4. Are these the same things on YOUR list?

    And YAY that they like him. It is important T!

    The only thing on my list for my daughter is "if he is still alive after going a round with you in a fight - then MARRY him immediately!"

  5. It's too cute that Rose was swooning over him!

    To your questions I would add:

    * Does he love you with his actions and not just with his words?

    * Does he care about making you happy, pleasing you, every chance he gets, but also about pleasing himself - can he walk the line between the two gracefully?

    * Do you melt at his touch and does he at yours?

  6. This is a wonderful list.
    I would add:

    When you make love, do you lost all sense of time, place, and the material world and move into pure ecstasy?

    Is he sexually open to dialogue and discussion?

    Does he please you consistently?

    Clearly I spend way too much time on the following questions in my own personal life though! Haha. I'm moving towards looking for the others too now.

  7. Love your list of questions, especially #5 & 6. And yes, they apply equally to guys. When it comes to relationships, everything really should be equal.

  8. I've had this SAME discussion with the oldest and will do the same with the youngest when she gets a little older. It will be a CONTINUOS conversation in our lives. J is such a good role model for these "non negotiables" as I call them.

  9. Yes I may have had a couple of glasses of wine while reading this, but i am weeping.
    I really hope that someday, the little baby laying next to me can answer all of this yes. I unfortunatly have not been able to nor can I teach her it from experience.
    T-your a lucky women!


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