Sunday, October 18, 2009

HOT Curves



As an admirer of women, I immediately fell in love with this photo. These are the new "plus size" models as featured in Glamour magazine. Each of the women in the above photograph wears anywhere from a size 12 to a size 16.... and they're all GORGEOUS.

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Over the weekend, while fall cleaning, I found my size 14 shorts. As I held them up to me, Rose commented, "Mommy, did you wear those when you were pregnant?"

Heh. No. I actually wore them when I wasn't pregnant.

Often, when people remark about my current weight, I find myself defending that I'm thin. No one, even my children, can imagine me as heavy as I was.


But yes. I was.


Very much so.





Why do I defend?

I don't know really. Its not like I deserve any kind of medal for losing weight when people are trying to do it all the time. I guess I want to share my story and relate to the struggle in some way. I want to let people know that I worked hard to get to this place.

And no, I can't lie. I did feel blessed when I was measured at the gym last week. I'm 5'5", 124 lbs and have 16% body fat.

When the trainer told me, quite frankly, I was downright giddy. I am excited to see my workouts and eating habits leading to a healthy, fit body.

The trainer at the gym pulled up my previous assessment from 2005 when I was 15 lbs heavier. Prior to 2005, I was even 35 lbs heavier, coming down from a pregnancy where I had gestational diabetes and my cholesterol was too high.

At my last physical, a few months ago, I was told that my blood screen numbers were amazing. I now know being thinner is healthier for me.

(It was Weight Watchers that taught me how to eat better (moderation & more often).)

Though it is painful to look at these photos of me, I also remember that men found me attractive. Though my weight was not healthy for me, I still felt sexy and carried myself in a confident, flirtatious way.

It was when I was around others who look like I do now, that I also remember hopelessness and despair. Perhaps I am still projecting that on those who comment about my current weight.

Comparing is NEVER a good thing.

I guess I need to look at these old photos differently and not judge myself. I mean, if anything, the women in the above photo prove that curves are beautiful. I guess I just wondered sometimes if they looked beautiful on me.

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Now, I am athletic and thin but I am still a naturally curvy girl. My guy friends joke that I swish the air around with my hips and ass when I walk by. I like having full breasts.

And I like seeing curvy women too.

Some of these girls were former "regular" models who starved themselves to stay thin. There was this model who claims she was recently fired for being fat. (No effin way! Yep. Way.)

Hey, if you're not built that way, don't freakin' force it.


Be what keeps you healthy and makes you feel good.

I know from experience that there are men that like curves and soft flesh. I know there are men that feel a woman is more feminine when she's not bony. I say HOORAY for Glamour and Dove for recognizing that curves are sexy.

(Dove is also campaigning that growing older is beautiful too. And they now have self-esteem workshops for young girls. I think someone should do this for boys too.)

Maybe the new acceptance of curves will help me to look at those old photos and smile. Maybe I can, instead, learn to accept myself for what I looked like then.

And stop defending what I look like now.

16 comments:

  1. those chicks look excellent to me!
    weight has far less to do with sexy than attitude!

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  2. I can't believe the story about the model who was fired for being too fat. 5'10" and 120#? I'm 5'11" and when I was 126, I barely had the strength to walk. Literally, I was hospitalized and on IV's and needed help to walk to the restroom. Now, at 180, I sometimes wish certain body parts were in the same place that they were before birthing (and nursing) two kids, but I'd rather be large and healthy than "back there" any day of the week. Real women have curves!

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  3. I've had my struggles with weight and body image issues for a large part of my life. I'm still not 100% satisfied with my appearance, but my happiness no longer hinges on how I look, as it did in the past.

    Kudos to Glamour and Dove for showing what real beauty is! :)

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  4. I think if you talked to 90% of American women (or more?) they would say they've had significant body image issues in their lives.

    BRAVO for this wonderful post, T - and these eye-opening links.

    One of them said - the only way we as women will make a difference is with our pocket books. I couldn't agree more. But we can start by looking in the mirror and embracing ourselves, and insisting that we choose men in our lives who see and appreciate our beauty - in its entirety.

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  5. When I was married I was 5'6" 200lbs but I had also givin birth to three children in 4 years and so I like to think that was all baby weight but the truth is... that was all emotional weight. Now being happily divorced and giddy in love I am down to 140lbs and couldn't be happier with myself. When I was heavier I didn't care because frankly I didn't love the man I was with and he didn't love me so there was no one to impress... I am not saying that I am here to impress my love but I know that I am so much healthier the weight I am and I truely believe that making myself happy had a big part in me getting healthy. Cudo's for you to post pictures of you when you were sighly heavier than you are now... and I totally agree with you... woman with curves are beautiful. I am not a stick figure and never would want to be... my body is just not made for me to be any thinner than I am right now and I am totally happy with that.

    Woman with curves are beautiful! No matter what your size, if you feel beautiful inside... it will show on the outside.

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  6. I love that picture too! And it's true that men are attracted to curves just as much if not more than 'skinny'. I've always had curves and when I gain weight (as I have recently) my curves get fuller but I still attract men. I do feel better at a lower weight but try not to obsess about it and instead try to BE healthy.

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  7. Great post, T. As someone who is now 40 pounds heavier than I was in college I can relate to your struggle. Admittedly I was a skinny-minney back then by nature, and I'm tall-ish so I guess I can hide the fat a bit better than others, but I'm still struggling to find a nice inbetween.

    Healthy is key, so kudos to you for achieving a better body all around because of good habits!

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  8. I got no problem with them there chickitas.

    Like sage...attitude over a number on a scale any day!!

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  9. Congrats on your workout success - but you look great in those old photos! Very happy. I think you're just a happy person. :-)

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  10. I love those photos! It's all about how you carry yourself. I am working on my own challenges with weight. I was hospitalized in high school due to my eating disorder - I spent a long time feeling like skinny = sexy. All the time hating myself. Learning to love yourself is so much healthier than being "just skinny".

    I love that you can have both, though, with the right attitude! You've got a great attitude!

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  11. I love stories of people taking charge of their bodies and making the changes they want- your story is no different. Congratulations!

    And your comment on my blog? You ever want to try again, you just let Veronica and I know ;-)

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  12. T- you are beautiful inside and out. That is why we love you!

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  13. I love the Dove ad campaign! I've been there too, up, down (due to illness) back up even higher and now back down the healthy way and it feels fabulous. Celebrate you accomplishment and health! Oh,yay to curves too!!

    Unfortunately when I was heavier I didn't feel good inside or out... I'm glad to hear your experience was different. Women should be able to love themselves, peroid.

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  14. This post is awesome on all sorts of levels. You looked adorable and desirable when you were heavier than you wanted to be, and you are lovely now.

    :) Love both those ladies. And you'll help so many more make their way down the scale.

    xxoo

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  15. Powerful post.


    "Maybe the new acceptance of curves will help me to look at those old photos and smile. Maybe I can, instead, learn to accept myself for what I looked like then.

    And stop defending what I look like now."

    Isn't it interesting how we are in constant conversations with ourselves of who we were and who we are now, that our experiences of life are filtered through self-judgment always?

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