But what if those Facebook friends are your ex-in-laws?
My ex-husband's brother, sister, aunt, nieces and nephews are all friends of mine on Facebook. I was in that family for 20 years! We all stay in touch when we can. I never thought much about the interactions with Jack until my ex-sister-in-law commented on something related to him.
She didn't say anything mean or directed at us, she simply joined the conversation. I felt so weird about it that I sent her an email.
I reminded her that I love all of them so much. I knew she was witnessing me moving forward with someone else. I didn't want her to feel awkward about it being so in-your-face. I didn't want her or any of his family to feel hurt. Its been 3 1/2 years already!
Her response surprised me:
She said she had no idea that her brother and I were divorced!
Then again, I remember last year around this time, I was on the phone with my ex-mother-in-law discussing what the girls wanted for Christmas. She came right out and asked me if our divorce was final. At that point, we'd been divorced for 6 months already. She said that my ex never mentioned it and they never asked him.
It reminds me now why I was such a big deal in that family. Because yeah, I was a big deal.
That family does not communicate. They never talk about feelings. They never say 'I love you'. They never stop to ask what's *really* going on with anyone. It's all surface.
And I am WAY deeper than surface.
At first it was a struggle. No one knew what to do with me. Then they all leaned on me. They all began saying 'I love you'... not to each other, mind you, but they said it to me. They all grew to love and respect my input and view of life. Even his patriarchal father who rarely speaks unless he has something of importance to say. And when he speaks, everyone stops to listen.
After the ex and I separated, my ex-sister-in-law sent me a card that I still have to this day. In the card, she told me that I was the rock of the family. Me. The rock in someone else's family.
In her email today, she reiterated how devastated they all are that our marriage didn't survive. Then she went on to tell me that she was happy to see the love between me and Gentleman Jack.
"You need that. You are so blessed!"
I'm glad she thinks so. I hope that even though my love life is changing, I can still keep that family. Is that selfish of me? I do love them so... deeper than surface.
Divorce is hard.
"I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them better when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together."
~ Marilyn Monroe