Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Bear and the Butterfly

I often refer to Gentleman Jack as "bear".

He can be "bear" like in a teddy bear sort of way - sweet, affectionate, snuggly, loveable.

He can be "bear" in the beastly sort of way - like here.

He can be "bear" in the big, strong, protective guardian sort of way.

He can also be "bear" in a quiet, shy, homebody, hibernating, lazy sort of way.

I can be like him in the quiet, shy, homebody way too but mostly, I am more like a butterfly - metamorphosed in many ways, always moving about, social, active, attracted to bright, colorful people...

Its an interesting combination that so far, is working for us.

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I am approaching my 40th birthday at the end of December. Sadly, I do not trust my friends and family to throw me the big Happy 40th birthday surprise party. I don't trust that to happen because its never, in 40 years, happened before.

I get it. Its the holidays. Everyone's busy and distracted. I was surprised last year when more friends remembered my birthday than ever before. Nevertheless, I thought I'd throw myself a party. I like throwing parties.

This year, my birthday party will be celebrated not on the 28th but on the 31st. I am having a "Ring in a New Decade" party - to ring in my 40th year and the year 2010.

Invitations have been sent and many people are planning on attending.

I can't wait. I adore entertaining. Put a martini in my hand and watch me go! Watch as I flutter amongst the bright, shiny people....

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I am excited that Gentleman Jack will be meeting more of the people in my life that he's heard so much about.

He will already know some of the people there. He's met (and we frequently hang out with) my friend Gem. He and my brother get along very well. He will know a couple of other friends but mostly, this will be a new experience for him.

He's never experienced T with her wings in full-glory.

Will he be able to handle my natural affectionate nature with my friends - some of whom he knows I have had intimate relationships with?

Will he be able to see the overly flirtatious T that blossoms after a couple of vodka martinis?

Will he feel comfortable in this party scene, where I will be surrounded with people that love me and will want time with me, and he will sometimes be left alone to his own devices?

His attention and adoration of me is still fairly new to me. I'm used to relationships where men held their emotions from me. I'm used to relationships where there was no jealousy and the men were just as, if not more, flirtatious and social than I was. Never have I been in a relationship with someone who is so openly honest about his feelings. Never has someone said to me that he doesn't feel comfortable when I hang out with my male friends.

I'm not even sure I've had a man pay as much attention to me as my Gentleman does.

I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable to see me with my friends. Then again, I cannot change who I naturally am. He knows this and encourages me to be *me*. But I still worry. I don't want to unintentionally hurt his feelings or have him feel left out or jealous...

I've only once seen GJ in full social glory at his favorite local hang out. He actually acted just like me. And I was the shy, quiet, reserved one who tried to not feel left out.

I wonder if, perhaps, instead of bear and butterfly, we're both true chameleons.

I guess I'll know more when I lean in to kiss my bear at midnight on 12/31.

11 comments:

  1. I hope the party is everything you want and dream of! I can relate to not ever really having a party because your birthday is right in the middle of the holidays. I'm a Christmas eve baby... I never had parties with friends because of it!

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  2. What a fantastic idea for a party! You're so creative. If I didn't like and admire you so much, I'd be incredibly jealous. ;)

    Don't worry about Rascal too much. I have to believe everything will turn out really well. (And I'll look forward to reading about it late in the day on the first? *wink*)

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  3. Hope you have a fantastic party! Try not to worry about things with Rascal too much...just talk to him about your concerns (as I'm sure you will, if you haven't already) and simply have faith in his love for you....

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  4. The flirtatious T Wings spreading will charm him.

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  5. I'm sure he'll be fine. Most likely he'll see you flirt and get excited by it. It can be sort of a turn on if it's done in a harmless way. I share your "holiday birthday" sentiment. Mine is Dec 30 and often gets overlooked due to the holidays. Used to it, but it's nice to be recognized.

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  6. I have a feeling it will all work out just fine. And what a great way to celebrate your 40th! May you go out with a bang. ;)

    And I'm right behind ya, sista!

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  7. Sounds like a great party to look forward to! Happy 40th. During the party, just make sure Rascal knows he's the main man now, and he'll be fine.

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  8. The party sounds like so much fun, and I am sure that Rascal will love your wings. You two have come so far.

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  9. Be You! For in the end that is all you can and will be. Rascal can only have his feelings hurt if he allows them to be hurt. Have a great time and don't worry, he is a big boy.

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  10. I also have never been thrown a big party, not even a bridal shower. But that's just the way it is sometimes. That bear will adore his butterfly. Of that, I am certain! You worry about yourself; if he sees the one he loves so happy, he will be happy as well.
    Be well, T.

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  11. Can't wait to read about this party! I am sure he will be great. Happy Birthday early! I have a seven-year-old whose birthday is on the 27th. She already hates having a birthday so close to Xmas.

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