Monday, December 14, 2009

I don't believe in "ga-ga"

I have a single male friend at work who recently broke up with his girlfriend.

To hear the hate spew from his lips makes me cringe. I know he's speaking from pain but.... wow. This is the same guy who, just a few short months ago, was swooning with me about our new relationships. This is also the same guy who, a few short months before that, admitted to me that he doesn't "believe in ga-ga".

He was refusing to believe that love really exists. Then he met someone, went a little "ga-ga", they broke up and now he's back to the cynical guy I've known for nearly 3 years.

"I knew it all along," he told me today, "I am not surprised at all that this happened."

"Well, you get what you expect," I replied.

"Exactly."

Isn't that what happens? Aren't we doing nothing but attracting that which we fear the most?

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

This is why I try not to worry too much. This is why I try to reel in those fears. This is why I try to have faith that things will work out in relationships.

We get what we expect.

I choose to expect good things in life. I choose to have hope. I choose to believe in love.

I also believe that if you have faith in love, it will find you. No matter what.

I believe in ga-ga.

And I know that he does too. Its already been proven to him that it exists. Love is not illusive. You just have to dig really deep to find it, inside, somewhere beneath the pain.

13 comments:

  1. You and are alike. I believe in ga-ga. And, I love it.

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  2. I believe in ga-ga, too. What a shame, that he cannot let his defenses down out of fear of getting hurt.

    Be well, T.

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  3. Girl, you KNOW that I believe in ga-ga, too. It's hard letting go of the fear sometimes, but it's well worth it in the end.

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  4. I can definitely say from experience that once fear is removed from the equation, a relationship can be the greatest thing in the world. My life has been flipped upside down since I stopped being a fearful cynic and began looking at the positive side of life.

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  5. I, too, believe you get what you expect. I keep expecting a happy life to share with the right man. It's only a matter of time. And you...you inspire me. Thanks for always being real.

    Fingers crossed.

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  6. I believe in ga-ga. And I've always believed in ga-ga. I also know from experience that no matter how positive you are negative people can still come into your life. They are just as attracted to positivity as anyone else - but they exploit it instead of reciprocating it.

    Your friend may not have gotten what he wanted out of the relationship and maybe that's because he felt fear or couldn't reciprocate positivity. Whatever the case, to then go and start "bashing" the woman he was with because it didn't work out is speaking from pain, but it is also not taking any responsibility. Without that he is doomed to repeat the pattern and remain cynical. Very sad.

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  7. As long as it's not Lady Ga Ga. I don't get her.

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  8. Funny, my husband was aTOTTAL women hater. I came into his life and everyone was amazed that he was so gaga. Things did't work out, and he is back to HATING all women. Maybe we didn't work because he has that negative ora. At least that is what I am going to go with now! :)

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  9. Ga-ga to me is romantic love. Nothing wrong with it, but it's built on blindness. Your body is wired to make you fall head over heels for the one person who pushes your buttons and will make you grow.

    That said, there's nothing wrong with romantic love. It's fun, feels great, gets us to pursue someone with a frenzy. But if that romantic love doesn't blossom and bloom into a different kind of love, one that can last - it will fizzle, and the ga-ga will disappear.

    Or are all you ga-ga believers saying the ga-ga lasts forever?

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  10. I don't believe we get what we expect. I think we learn to protect ourselves when we've been disappointed or hurt, and we do that my changing our expectations to lessen the likelihood that it will occur again.

    I protect myself in a variety of ways. And I also don't assume - or try to live by "never assume."

    In some instances I set low expectations or none at all. Sometimes I get something incredible, unexpectedly. Other times, not so much, but because of lower expectations, the impact is less, or none at all.

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  11. This is why I've come to loving and appreciating reading blogs!

    Never fails that I read tid bits that remind me of some things that I'm doing that need adjusting...

    "You get what you expect" I've fallen into that trap too many times in a negative way and had a creep back there recently.

    Once again, thanks for the little reminder T.

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  12. Great post and my vote is for 'GA GA'.

    I think you can paint the picture... and obtain what you "expect". Life is what you make of it. Is your glass half full... or half empty.

    Thanks for sharing this. I needed the reminder.

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  13. I would love to believe that we get what we expect but in my case it wasn't true. I expected honesty, good mothering, and fidelity out of my Ex. I got the exact opposite on all counts. Doesn't mean I believe those things aren't possible, they are. The ga-ga thing for me has always been a negative. Like DadsHouse said, for me it caused blindness to important issues that were necessary for sustaining a long term partnership. The physical attraction drowned out the logical part of my brain. Both need to be there, but when I'm feeling intense butterflies and that super strong magnetic draw to a woman, it's time for me to step back and think about the real reasons I'm attracted to her. My "picker" is broken and Ga-Ga has not been my friend.

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