Tuesday, December 1, 2009

An Open Letter to My Ex-husband

*sigh*

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I didn't realize the love you were offering me. I'm sorry that I took advantage of your trust. I'm sorry that I hurt you again and again and denied that some part of me knew it all along.

I'm also sorry that I may not say these words to you because there's a wall between us now.... a wall that is thicker than the one that was there all during our marriage. I don't want to break down your wall. You've constructed it to protect yourself and so I will let you be. But please know that I'm sorry.

I would like to give you, again, this song. This song was one of our favorites and it meant much to us during those hard times. It expressed beautifully what our words and actions attempted to express. I remember watching you hurt, when I knew your thoughts were elsewhere, when I knew that your heart was leaving us. I remember sending you this song in my heart and in my head.

I will always love you. I will always be grateful for the experience of you in my life. I will always be thankful for our gorgeous girls and the love that they receive from you. I will always be happy that you choose to love me in your own way, even now.

And I will always stand by you.

Love.
T


I'll Stand By You
~The Pretenders

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now.

Don't be ashamed to cry,
let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too.

When the night falls on you,
you don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess
could make me love you less

I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.

So, if you're mad get mad,
don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.

And hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
But I'm alot like you.

When you're standing at the crossroads,
don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along, cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour,
and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.

And when, when the night falls on you baby,
you're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own,

I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you.
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you.

20 comments:

  1. your a amazing example thank you

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  2. Gosh T this is so special!

    I have actually wanted to do this but mine reads my blog and I am just not ready to say the things I know I need to!

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  3. ...just heard this song on the radio today. I won't ever hear it the same as now I have this love story to attach to it.

    And it IS a love story. With a happy-ever-after ending in spite of everything. <3

    ;)t

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  4. I agree with StudentMama - Wonderful!

    I could definitely send some apologies to people in my life that "loved me in their own way" and I too CHOSE not to see it!

    Love you, T.

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  5. *hugs*, T.

    You're a brave woman for putting this out there. I know how hard it is. I hope that this helps you and that you'll be ready to move on to better things.

    Love you.

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  6. Oh, great song. It's stuck in my head now, but I've suffered through far worse. (Maybe the shower will help?)

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  7. Wow...amazing. The letter was beautiful and the song spot on.

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  8. Wow, I just read your entire affair series and am amazed at your strength. To put this all down in writing must have been incredibly painful, though cathartic too. I've been following your blog, along with my sisters (TBDetermined) and am consistently amazed by the strength of women put in incredibly painful experience that is divorce.

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  9. T-You are amazing. Very proud of you!

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  10. If I wrote an open letter to my ex it would be NOTHING like yours!

    I'm sure he would love to hear this. It's an amazing thing when someone admits their mistakes and apologizes for them.

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  11. Eh, he's a dimwitted drunk who is afraid to show love or grow in any way. Don't know why T is wasting her time with this letter. Hasta have everyone adore her, seems.

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  12. This letter smacks of humility and bravery. It takes a lot of strength and heart to say sorry - an mean it - in this way. What a lovely example you are setting for your girls (and all of us).

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  13. Reading this, I had the unfortunate thought that this is a post that your anonymous 'friend' would love to comment on. Then I get to the comments and see that he didn't let me down.

    Fuck-tard.

    Anyway, I think it's great that even in divorce you can stand by him, especially considering your kids. I wish my parents had done the same after they divorced

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  14. Who the heck is that Anonymous? Where's his/her courage?

    T, you gave me the chills again. Of course, I'm curious to know if your ex got to read this letter in real life.

    Big hug.

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  15. I think you are so courageous - I admire you so much and feel honored to have followed along with this, T. Thank you.

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  16. Everyone makes mistakes, few admit them. Amazing words there.

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  17. Thanks a lot for your advice guys, it helped me a lot, I went to www.saveabreakup.com and followed their step by step instructions and it worked perfectly, now me and my girlfriend are back together.

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Thank you for leaving me some comment love!