For one thing, everyone has a different perspective on everything. We all put our stories and our spin on every event and situation. Our stories are all based on our past experiences and upbringing so they'll all be different.
Everyone also has different ways of expressing love. Recently, I've also learned that sometimes the most loving thing to do is to let someone go.
I'm learning to question what love looks like. I forget to ask the question sometimes because I think I know what I *should* do. Sometimes I think I know what someone else *should* do too.
When I decide what I think love *should* look like, oftentimes, I find myself not feeling loved at all.
However, when I get my ego judgment out of the way and become aware of the present moment, I automatically feel love. When I can do that, I get the most surprising results....
Saturday, Gentleman Jack and I were hosting a get together at his house to watch the New Orleans Saints/Dallas Cowboys game.
(Don't get me started... I heart my Saints and I always will.)
We spent the entire day preparing the house and food. We had a blast. Just put on some good music, hand me a vacuum and watch me go!
But that night, as we both lay exhausted from the days' events, I was sad. I felt lonely.
Confused, GJ pulled me to him and held me close. It didn't help me. I could only think about how we hadn't spent any alone time together. I knew that I had to leave early the next day and wouldn't see him for 2 more weeks.
In my head, I thought that the most loving thing I could do would be to stay quiet and let him get some sleep.
I tried to do that but then I felt angry. I felt invisible. I had no idea what to ask of him. All that I knew was that I didn't have his attention all day and I wouldn't have it for much longer. I wanted his attention!
I HAD his attention but it didn't seem like enough!
I hate when I have these feelings. I cannot explain them nor from where they come.
"Be here now," GJ told me. He can always feel my struggle, even when I struggle quietly.
He's right, I thought. He's here with me. Why can't I be here too?!
I began taking deep breaths and asked the question, "How do I recognize the love? What do I do?" I needed to be in the present moment, to recognize what love looked like in that moment...
Those are the words I heard and felt in my heart. So, in our spoon, I turned in the bed to face him and gave my sleepy man a simple, sweet kiss.
It was almost as if a switch was turned on. In that moment, both of our bodies came alive. In that instant when my lips met his, we were connected, wholly in the now, to each other.
It surprised both of us in the most pleasurable, unexpected way.
I cannot be angry or resentful at someone if I'm not feeling loved.
What that means is that I gave with expectation or I'm not recognizing the form of love right in front of me. If I'm expecting something then I need to put up a boundary. If I'm not recognizing love then I need to stop thinking about the past or future.
I'm learning that love lives in the present moment.
That's when I feel joy. That's when the best surprises happen. That's when my heart nearly leaps from my chest.
I love it when that happens.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
"'Twas not my lips you kissed
But my soul."