I have to apologize for beginning and ending this week with posts relating to infidelity. I guess with all that's going on with my sister, and after reevaluating my own infidelity, the topic has been on my mind of late.
Gentleman Jack has admitted to me that since I've cheated before, he is worried that I could do it again. I told him that, in my mind, since he has never cheated, I would assume that he could do it.
"But I'm not like that," he said, "I know all of the hurt and pain that it would cause and so I avoid that at all costs."
Then there's me. Since I have done it before, and have personally experienced the pain caused on both sides of infidelity, I have no desire to do it again. Been there, done that.
We found it interesting that we seem to handle life differently. Whereas he avoids discomfort, sometimes I throw caution to the wind in the name of experience and then learn about the discomfort. I don't think I do this consciously. It seems to be what I have done thus far.
Maybe that is why it took til now for us to find each other.
We took completely different roads and wound up at the same destination.
My mom and I were discussing how my sister's husband is handling their situation, how Mom handled my father's infidelity and how I handled my ex-husband's infidelity. All of us resorted to spying. We wanted to know EVERYTHING so we didn't feel like we were going crazy. We were being told lies and we wanted proof that we were right!
"Why would you do that?" asked Gentleman Jack. "When I knew my wife was cheating, I didn't need proof. If they're lying and you know it, why try to prove you're right and they're wrong? Do you want to be right? You know when the trust is gone. That's when I knew the marriage was over. Why would you want proof of how much they were hurting you?"
I found these conversations interesting because we were in similar situations and did different things.
I would think most people would want proof. Then again, Gentleman Jack has a point. Why look for details when you're already hurting and your marriage will most likely never recover?
My husband didn't want to know details when I finally admitted to my affair. He didn't ask questions. He didn't show much of any response, quite frankly. He did ask, however, when I began questioning him about his own affair.
Ugh. Not so fond memories.
Now I'm curious... how did you handle infidelity in your marriage? Did you spy too? Were you the one spied on?