Monday, March 8, 2010

Disappointed

I woke up this morning with the deep realization that I was disappointed with many people in my life.

And according to my thoughts on disappointment, that must mean that I had expectations.

*sigh*

I'm trying to let myself off easy by acknowledging this emotion. I know me. Once I look at my emotion and allow it to be, I'm able to let it go much faster.

So, this is a little vent and, I'm sorry to do this to you dear reader, but it simply must be said.

I am disappointed in....

(I actually typed out all of those people that I was disappointed in... but then thought the better of it. I deleted that part of the post because to throw all of that negative energy out there would only make me disappointed in myself.)

Instead of getting wrapped up in decisions that other people make about their lives, I'm going to focus on my own life. These disappointing feelings, if anything, are forcing me to stop and appreciate the good things that are right in front of me.

My daughters.

Saturday night, we snuggled up and feel asleep in my bed. Last night I made us snow milkshakes from the snow I'd kept in the freezer. And tonight, I made homemade Chocolate Molten Lava cake for us to enjoy.

They licked the plate clean.



I've been enjoying the extra snuggles that they are happy to give. I've been paying attention to how they nurture and love each other. I've noticed how much they long to get home and play the games that only they understand, in their own sisterly way.

I guess I have to be thankful for this disappointment. It seems to be a season of change for the people in my lives. Because I've realized that I don't know what's best for anyone else, nor can I change them, I can only focus on the changeless, consistent love from the two who came from me...

The little girls who save my life over and over again.

14 comments:

  1. Hey T, what I've noticed is that these people can also drain your energy. And if you aren't careful, what they are doing to disappoint you, can actually rub off on you!

    Best to focus on the positive, good for you!

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  2. T,
    I have noticed the same thing in my small little circle. What bothers me most is one person in particular.
    I know they are a true friend and I am desperately trying to get it back.
    I have had issues with all or nothing in all aspects....so I keep going trying to get over this hurdle.

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  3. It sounds to me like you're definitely taking a negative and turning it into a positive for yourself. It's hard accepting that we can't change other people, I know that all too well. It's good that you're able to recognize that in yourself and let it go.

    *hugs*

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  4. There are a great many people who have been disappointing me. And I have come to the point where I just don't bother anymore.. bother with caring, anyway. It makes is easier to not be all that disappointed in the first place.

    And a lot of them are disappointing me, because they don't realize how important my two girls are. To them I should be out and about, being single. Instead, I'm being single and making my kids my priority, and not them. I don't know why it's such a difficult concept for a lot of people.. kids coming first.

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  5. Ummm, when I'm down it's always the kids and chocolate that I can count on to keep my life in perspective. And I'm so impressed with you...a baking mom is a rare and dying breed!

    Thinking of you, T.

    Big hugs.

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  6. T, I am going to do something extra speacial tonight with my boys, whether it be making a special dessert or snuggling with them while watching TV. Thanks and hope, Pippi

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  7. I think having reasonable expectations of common human decency should not be so much to ask. When people can't deliver that it IS disappointing, especially if you are one (and we know YOU are) who will deliver that in any situation.

    One can only take so much, ya know? Does venting about it make us negative? I dont think so if it's not consuming you. It's just a way of releasing some very understandable frustration. And then do what you can to make the situation a better one.

    I do agree that disappointments can make you more appreciative of the good things in life.

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  8. I have been disapointed in a friend of mine that has been like a sister to me. I had a dream last night that I let her have it. I woke up so disapointed in myself as to how I handled it. I think it was brought on by the fact that I am going to see her on Sunday and something was telling me to not judge and let her do her own thing. Thank God I had this realization so I don't do anything stupid when I see her.

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  9. There are so many days that I fail to focus on the good things in my life and spend too much energy on the people who are disappointing me.

    Thank you for reminding me today to focus on the positive.

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  10. Snow milkshakes sound awesome! You're such a creative, caring, giving mom to those girls. :-) As for disappointment - yep, it usually comes from attaching hope to expectations. Those dang attachments...

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  11. This is perhaps why I have so few girlfriends. ;)

    And daughters are the best.

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  12. You can only be disappointed if you have expectations.

    Expecting much of anything from others is a losing bet most every time.

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  13. I find this fascinating, T. Of all the spillage that flows through my mind day and night (and much of it, useful, in its own way), I can't say that I've ever considered writing out the names of those who have disappointed me.

    More to the point, I rarely think about the fact that there are people who have disappointed me. "Disappointment" is a very particular word - and engages a complex set of feelings. So I'm intrigued that this is what you were thinking about.

    I often run through my mind those who anger me, who hurt me, who baffle me; those who inspire me, who motivate me, who lighten me, who show me kindness. Those who teach me. Those who allow me to teach them.

    Perhaps it is because I shed expectations somewhere along the line - of most people, and worse - our institutions. That one is harder to swallow and keep down. Losing faith with institutions - and I don't just mean government or the legal system or health care - but with the concepts that are wrapped up in them. There is where my disappointment - and disillusions have been laid, with anger, with hurt, and with bewilderment.

    As for people who could disappoint - I guess I finish with where you are: only myself (for not being a "better" self), possibly my sons - if they ever let themselves down. They've made plenty of "mistakes" and misjudgments - normal. Yet they have not ever been untrue to their core, and therefore they have never disappointed themselves (in my estimation), and certainly not me, in my expectations.

    I'll be thinking about this post for some time.

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  14. Catching up with you. Wow, Chocolate Molten Lava cake. Amazing.

    Question: if you were disappointed in me, you'd tell me, right? Just wondering. xoxo

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