Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Humble Pie can be tasty

Yesterday, I'd decided to look back over the unprocessed emotion from the marriage to my ex-husband. I loved everyone's comments and held on to the fact that the relationship between the ex and the kids is something that is between them. There is no abuse or any harm. There seems to be a lack of substance but that part is not up to me. I can't force anything there.

I decided that I need to follow the lead of my daughters and accept him exactly the way he is.

After all, acceptance creates miracles.

I was home today with a sick Grace and feeling a little under the weather myself. My ex-husband called this morning to discuss when he would pick up the girls for this weekend. When he heard my voice on the phone, he knew I wasn't at work.

I explained that Grace had come into my room at 2:34 a.m. complaining of a sore tummy and then proceeded to run to the bathroom to vomit. She continued vomiting every hour until late into the morning. We were both exhausted.

He asked me to let him know if she was going to stay home tomorrow too. He volunteered to take her so that I could go back to work.

I softened a little. Ok. Oh yeah. That's right. He's a good guy. That's why I married him. He gets impatient and selfish and worn out. He travels all the time. But he does love his daughters. All right. Thank you for the reminder.

Grace and I spent today watching TV and being lazy. Tonight, the ex called again to discuss weekends that we need to switch, music lessons, etc. Then there was a pause in the conversation...

"I want to apologize for going overboard in my reaction to you the other day," he said, "I didn't mean to come off like that."

Wow. Here I've been angry and disappointed in his irritation to the basic expectation of spending more time with his daughters... and now he's apologizing for it. I almost started crying. Instead, this was my opportunity to speak calmly, from a place of love, about my expectations.

I told him that his daughters would love to spend some good quality time with him. He responded, "Yes, I would like that too. And I think their age is a little easier for me now too. I really want to get them out for some camping this summer."

We went on to discuss other plans and things we needed to work out.

After he talked to the kids, I hung up the phone and texted Gentleman Jack.

"See?! See?!" was GJ's response. His advice had been the same. Why expect my ex-husband to be anyone other than who he's always been?

Yeah yeah. Ok. So, I'll eat my humble pie and feel bad for being so angry at him.

Ya'll remind me of this the next time he pisses me off, mmmkay? He is an 'ex' for a reason.

11 comments:

  1. I could have written it..ALL of it! FROM the place of FINALLY understanding that I keep putting on my ex MY values and expectations..to the fact that when he does something nice I remember how much I actually like him (except for the whole cheating and leaving me thing lol!!)...He is who he is..and I am still trying to learn what that means..but am happier accepting that , then when I kept being dissapointed that he was not who I thought he should be!great post!

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  2. I wouldn't necessarily say that you're needing to be "humble", you're just acting like a mature adult when you apologize.

    All it takes is some time to think things over and a few deep breaths.

    :-)

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  3. I decided that I need to follow the lead of my daughters and accept him exactly the way he is.

    Yep, that is so true.
    Isn't that what we all want?
    Isn't that what you want to give to Rascal, to your kids ... and have them return that?

    We are all imperfect, and hope someone loves us anyway. I'd say the quest for T is going along rather nicely. Hope you all feel better!

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  4. wow, I can only hope my X comes around when he is given the opportunity to spend time with the girls again.

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  5. Working on all of the above. Great reminders of how to keep everything real and in the best interests of the children.

    Good for YOU!

    Be well, T.

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  6. I love it when people pleasantly suprise me like that. :-)

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  7. After my interaction with my ex last night, I have much to learn from you. Doubt I'll be eating humble pie. Looks like I may be headed to court...the great equalizer.

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  8. I hope Grace is feeling better. That is great that the ex is stepping up and wants to see the girls more. I hope it all works out and that he realizes what great kids he has. :)

    *hugs*

    Just for a laugh... my word verifcation was "luggi" LOL

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  9. Good for you, T!

    Glad you are all feeling better now too.

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  10. Sometimes, humble pie doesn't taste so bad. Good realization! Good growth!

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  11. An ex for a reason, whatever the season. I'm in a rhymie mood today, T.

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